Kyon Genesis Evangelion
by xXThe mirror tells me LIESXx
Summary: Two universes meet, histories merge, and one snarky narrator must take the place of Shinji Ikari to set things right, back to the natural order. This is the story of an average teenage boy bearing the weight of the world on his shoulders... again.
1. Chapter 1

_**A/N:**__ This was inspired by a chapter name in the fanfic "Bad things happening to Kyon" by TheP. I hope you don't mind me using the name, and thanks for the inspiration! Lol, two by fours... If you Haruhi fans haven't read it, I suggest you go do that sometime. It made me lol pretty hard at times. I was also inspired by a piece of fanart titled "Kyon Ikari", it was a pretty cool picture of Kyon in Shinji's plug suit. I don't know the guy's name who drew it, but if you look it up you'll probably find it. So anyway, I'm just making this story up as I go along, I do have some plot points fleshed out, but it's mostly going to be improvising, I hope you like surprises. Because there will be a few angles that I highly doubt anyone's ever thought of. Also hope you don't mind swearing, because I am a potty mouth…why doesn't spellcheck recognize the word 'goth'?_

_**Disclaimer;**__ I don't own The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya or Neon Genesis Evangelion, they belong to Nagaru Tanigawa and Hideaki Anno, respectively. If I did own it however, I would have made an ending that wasn't an acid trip for Evangelion, and I would have just completely scrapped endless eight for Haruhi, or at least made it shorter. I mean come on! Deja-vu is a great concept to work with and all, but I don't want to watch the same damn thing with little tiny variations over and over again!_

**(A/N: Hey guys, I decided to edit this, correct the orientation and fix misspellings, I've got some other chapters for this story and a few others, I'll update those when I can, stay in there readers! You've been awesome!)**

_**Chapter One:**_

_**Behold, the celestial with a goth paint job descending**_

_Thanks to Haruhi Suzumiya, eccentric among eccentrics, my journey through never-ending hell had begun._

_-Kyon_

I found myself standing outside on the street, in a city I did not know. The sun was out and it was hot, but it should be the middle of December! There wasn't a sign of other people for miles in any direction, either, except for a few abandoned cars. How did I get here? The last thing I remember...

_I was in Nagato's apartment, she had called me in the middle of a Monday afternoon and told me to come immediately. Well, when Nagato says it's urgent, you'd better believe it. I was sitting across from her at the table, drinking some tea she made._

"_So what's up?"_

_She sat there staring at me, as if collecting her thoughts._

"_Nagato?"_

"_It is... difficult to put in words you might understand"_

_I took a sip of tea and waited for her explanation,_

"_At three hours, sixteen minutes and seven seconds, the entity had noticed another universe heading towards the one we now reside in, it is believed that the powers of Suzumiya Haruhi and a similar entity from the other universe are responsible for acting as a gravitational pull, attracting each universe to one another at incredible speeds"_

_This sounds dangerous..._

"_What can we do? Is there a way to stop this?"_

"_No"_

"_So we're screwed, right?"_

"_Screwed?"_

"_You know, screwed? There's nothing we can do?"_

"_That is redundant, but I digress; this merging cannot be prevented, however if you can find the alternate key to auto evolution, everything can be reset"_

_I sighed deeply,_

"_Why is it always up to me?"_

"_The reasons are not fully known or understood"_

_Thanks Nagato..._

"_So how long do we have?"_

"_Seventeen seconds"_

_I dropped my tea and jumped over the table, grabbing Nagato by the arms,_

"_Is there anything else you can tell me? What else do I need to know? anything?"_

"_Go with the flow"_

"_What?"_

Now I'm here, outside a train station. Just where the hell am I? I read the sign above the station door;

_Tokyo 3: Station 4 _

Tokyo three? Apparently somebody decided two Tokyos just wasn't good enough...

My school jacket was missing, and so was my cell, so I searched around for a payphone, Maybe I can call for help? I picked up the receiver only to be met with; _"Due to a special state of emergency that has been declared, all lines are out of service"_

Oh well... who was I going to call anyway? I dug in my pockets for some kind of clue, maybe Nagato left me a note or something? After a few seconds of digging, my fingers grazed the side of a piece of folded up paper. I greedily pulled it out of my pocket. It was an envelope with a message in it, is this the clue?

There was a picture of a very attractive older woman with purple hair in cut off shorts and a very revealing tank top,

_To Kyon,_

_I'll come get you, so wait for me_

There was an arrow pointing towards some _very _ample cleavage

_Attention here please_

I'm so confused... wait, there was another page;

_Nephew, come to Tokyo 3_

_-Gendo Ikari_

Well that doesn't help much. So what have I learned so far about this world? I have a tight-lipped uncle Gendo, and an older woman apparently has the hots for me. What the hell is going on? I was pondering my situation when I noticed something out of the corner of my eye, down the street. It appeared to be a blue haired girl in a school uniform,

"Nagato?" I said as I turned to get her attention, but she disappeared in a split second. Maybe I'm really somewhere in a padded room wearing a straightjacket, imagining all this stuff. It would only be a matter of time before I snapped anyway, being Haruhi's man-slave and all.

There was a distant rumbling as the buildings around me began to shake, and an ear piercing shriek as two objects flew just barely a few feet above my head.

"Cruise missiles? are we at war or something?" I shouted to no one in particular, covering my ears.

Maybe the other universe had a japan that could still declare war? There was a steady _thump_ as if something huge was walking towards me, as it passed by a nearby mountain, I saw something being chased by VTOL fighters. VTOL fighters? When did they start making those?

It was huge, with a humanoid shape. It looked like a celestial had gotten a goth paint job, it was all black, with white, bony protrusions from it's chest like a ribcage, surrounding some kind of huge red crystal, and some kind of bony white shoulder blades with a bird like skull face above the center of it's torso. I just can't believe my luck sometimes... remind me to strangle Haruhi next time I see her.

It eyed the fighters curiously as they floated around it, I'm guessing this was the first time it had ever seen machines. Suddenly and without warning, the fighters started unloading everything they had at the thing. They fought viciously, like the three hundred Spartans at Thermopylae, but their ammo didn't seem to have any effect whatsoever. Just what is this thing made of?

It started to look incredibly annoyed and extended it's arm towards a nearby fighter, piercing it with some kind of energy beam. I hope the pilot's death was quick and painless, because that didn't look very pleasant. The fighters continued to bombard it, when a few stealth fighters swooped by and dropped a whole payload of napalm on the monster, still having no effect.

Napalm? In a city? is this world run by maniacs?

There was a screech of tires as a sports car skidded to a stop nearby,

"Sorry to keep you waiting, quick, get in!" It was the woman from the photo.

I didn't have any better options so I obeyed and jumped in.

"Buckle up, it's gonna get bumpy!" she said as she sped off with complete disregard for traffic laws and maybe a few laws of physics. It's a really good thing she showed up when she did though, because that thing jumped over to where we just were. We probably would have been crushed under it's massive foot, and if that hadn't killed us, we'd be toasted by another load of napalm.

"Sorry I'm late!"

Don't apologize, I had no idea when you were supposed to come anyway.

"They had a tank battalion waiting for it when it came out of the water... it was wiped out"

"A whole tank battalion? You can't be serious!" I replied incredulously

"I'm afraid I am. We've hit it with just about everything we have, cruise missiles, napalm strikes, AC-130 attacks... Even high explosive, Armor piercing warheads don't seem to upset it much."

It looked pretty pissed to me!

"You seem pretty calm, given the situation" she said

Only on the outside!

"So... just what the hell is that thing?" I asked flatly, As a pair of Mitsubishi F-2's swooped overhead to deliver a surgical strike.

"That thing... is called an angel"


	2. Chapter 2

_A/N: Not really sure where I'm going with this, but I'm enjoying the hell out of writing it, plus Haruhi needs more Evangelion crossovers, You've probably noticed in the last chapter that there were more military forces than there were in Evangelion, my explanation: being that the two universes have merged, there will be a lot of fusion between tactics and technology between the more realistic universe of Haruhi(and I use the term 'realistic' lightly) and the more sci-fi oriented universe of Evangelion. Plus, who doesn't think napalm strikes and stealth fighters are the shit? You're probably thinking they would never use napalm in a city environment, but given the circumstances, these guys are pretty desperate to kill Sachiel, don't you think? I may be inaccurate with a lot of military terms and equipment, since most of my military knowledge comes from call of duty modern warfare 2, command and conquer, the history channel, and a few articles here and there that I've read on the internet._

_**Chapter Two:**_

_**God's in her heaven, all's unbelievably fucked up with the world**_

_I don't know what that exactly means, but i guess it'll be OK as long as it makes sense grammatically._

_-Kyon_

"An angel? What, are we at war with god or something?"

The lavender haired woman skidded to a halt on the highway, and started watching the 'angel' with a pair of binoculars. There were massive explosions as howitzers, tanks, and Mitsubishi SH-60K helicopters joined the fight. Is the whole UN here too?

"I really can't tell you much-"

"-Classified information, right?" It seemed pretty obvious, really.

"Heh, you're pretty sharp for you're age" she said, still watching the fight,

It's about timed I was praised!

"What are they doing?" she asked as the fighters started retreating.

I had a nasty feeling in the pit of my stomach, call it intuition but-

"Oh crap they're gonna use an N2 mine!" she screamed, as she pushed me down in my seat and wrapped her arms around me.

Must fight... temptation...

"The hell is an N2-"

There was a blinding white flash and then everything went dark.

"You okay?"

Ugh my head...

The woman shook me as I started to come to,

"Yeah, i'm alright, how about you?"

I noticed something seemed off... we were upside down! I undid my seat belt and crawled out of the car.

"Busted my hip, but I'm alive" she said as she pulled me up.

"What the hell just happened?"

We must have landed in a nearby field, except everything around us looked burnt, and smelled sterile. I shakily tucked my face into my shirt and freaked out,

"Did we just hit it with a nuke? Oh my god! Are we gonna get radiation poisoning? what the hell?"

The woman chuckled and pulled my shirt back down,

"Oh, don't worry about that stuff, we hit with an N2 mine, it's like a nuke, but without all that nasty fallout!"

Well that's a relief, I've heard stories about people getting really sick from radiation. Hell, there's still kids being born with their eyes on the sides of their faces like a fish, thanks to those Nagasaki and Hiroshima events...

"I'm Misato Katsuragi by the way, and I already know you're Kyon Ikari"

So my names Ikari now? Alright then. ...And that stupid nickname is my real name now... Well that's just great. I've almost forgotten my real name as it is.

"I'd be very pleased to make you're acquaintance under any other circumstance, Miss Katsuragi"

"Oh, I bet you say that to all the pretty girls!" she gushed, "And just Misato is fine, here help me push this back up" she said, gripping the side of the car.

I followed suit and a few minutes later we were speeding down the highway once more, faster than a certain spiky, blue hedgehog after a truck full of free chili-dogs.

"Here, You'll need to read this, You're working for us now" Misato said as she handed me something.

_NERV employee handbook_.

Being conscripted against my will... how original.

"Just what is NERV?" I asked, as we pulled in a tunnel and onto a track. There was _clack!_ As the car was immobilized.

"We're an unpublicized organization under the direct control of the UN"

"Secret government stuff, eh?"

Suddenly we were shooting down a tunnel at high speeds, I should be surprised, but at this point I'm just numb to all the weirdness.

"You could say that, I work here too you know, same as your uncle"

I feel as if I should have said something witty and sarcastic, but nothing came to mind.

There was a few moments of silence as Misato checked her makeup, she was a very pretty woman, she had large breasts but she didn't have that innocent moe charm like miss Asahina, and she was gorgeous, but didn't seem to have the determined fire of Haruhi's eyes like I was used to. She was her own person, that's for sure.

"Hey Misato, do you have any idea why my uncle wanted me here?"

"Perhaps it would be better to ask him yourself?"

Of course she's not going to just tell me, no that would just be too convenient...

I sighed loudly, and laid back into the seat.

"I guess I'll find out soon enough, then"

Misato was putting on a pair of earrings, she's kind of vain, isn't she?

"I take it you don't like your uncle very much?"

Don't like him? I've never met the guy! Of course she wouldn't know that now, would she?

"It's not that, it's just that I can't say I really know him, what could he possibly want from me, you know?"

Misato didn't say anything as the darkness of the tunnel gradually faded away, and I found myself high above the ground, miles below me I could see a lush forest by a lake and a large pyramid.

"Whoa! What is this place?"

"It's called a Geo-front, the dome's nine-hundred meters high and six klicks wide"

I let out an impressed whistle before she continued,

"The city of Tokyo three is above, and the sunlight gets pumped down by a fiber optic system, neat huh?"

I'll say!

She pointed down at the pyramid,

"That right there is NERV HQ, the keystone for the resurrection of the world, and the stronghold of humanity!"

Wait, wait, wait, the keystone for the resurrection of the world? Angels, advanced technology and a post apocalyptic setting, just add water. ...I'm not sure where I was going with that train of thought.

Probably around twenty minutes later we were out of the car and heading through a complex system of bridges and tunnels, which all looked exactly the same, gee, I wonder why.

"Misato, we've been walking in circles" I said bluntly

"...How do you figure that?" she asked, reading through a map.

"We've crossed this exact same bridge three times"

"...Just shut up and follow me" she said darkly, looking over her shoulder and glaring at me.

Great... we're lost. This just keeps getting better doesn't it?

There was a _Ding!_ As pair of sliding doors opened, revealing another older with blonde hair.

Wait, there was an elevator the whole time?

"You're late, captain Katsuragi, do you have any idea how pissed the commander is?"

Captain? Commander? Great I'm in the military...

Misato chuckled nervously,

"Oh... hey there Ritsuko..."

Miss 'Ritsuko' looked pretty mad, I hope we're not in trouble or anything.

"We don't have time for this at all! The angel just renewed it's assault!"

You're kidding? That thing took a huge blast at point blank range! This world is just absurd!

"I um... haven't gotten the layout of this place down yet..."

"Whatever, so this must be the third child? He's handsome"

What's this third child business? And why is everyone flirting with me?

I nervously scratched the back of my head,

"Oh, hey there, I'm Kyon"

"Doctor Ritsuko Akagi, supervisor of project E. Pleased to meet you"

Project E? Third child? These clues are just incomprehensible...

"Come along Kyon-kun, I have something to show you"

Oh joy, more clues!

Now we were in a motorboat speeding towards some undisclosed location, I had nothing better to do so I watched the waves, bored out of my mind. I noticed the water didn't look quite right, it was reddish orange, kind of like blood.

"Hey what is this stuff?"

I was ignored. Of course.

"So the N2 mine didn't work?"

"No, it only paralyzed it temporarily"

"Maybe if we hit it with enough N2 mines-"

"No, that is not an option, we've ran that plan through the MAGI and calculated that it would take more than enough force to make the whole Geo-front cave in"

I just sat quietly waiting for to get to our destination, it's probably best I don't ask so many questions anyway. After a few minutes of riding, the boat began to slow down, and stopped near a staircase leading to another automatic sliding door.

"Watch your step, Kyon. It's dark"

I can see that... or can't? I hate semantics.

Doctor Akagi turned on the lights and-

"Holy shit!" I cried, I was face to face with a huge... face. That sentence didn't come out the way I wanted it to. It looked like it had a humanoid body under the reddish waves and was about as big as that angel outside, if not bigger, with purple armor and a huge horn.

"What is this, a robot?" I asked.

"Synthetic humanoid" Doctor Akagi corrected, "This is our last card to play against the angels, code named Evangelion. This is Eva unit 01, the first test model"

"I'm going to go out on a limb here and guess that my uncle has something to do with this" I said crossing my arms and leaning on the railing.

"That's correct" a voice above me said. Looking up, I saw an older man standing in some kind of opening in the ceiling.

"Kyon, it's been a while"

What the hell am I supposed to say?

"_Go with the flow" _was the last thing Nagato told me…

Go with the flow... alright.

"Yep, how's it going?" I asked, putting my hands in my pockets.

"As apathetic as ever I see... Well anyway, listen carefully, you're going to pilot it and fight the angel" Are you serious? Good grief...

Before I could say anything, Misato jumped into action

"Wait a moment, commander! It took the others months to even synchronize with the Eva!" Wow, she's fiery when she wants to be.

"Captain, we are out of options"

"But-" She was cut off by Doctor Akagi

"Captain Katsuragi, our top priority-" it was my turn to cut them off, a guy can only take so much drama.

"Fine, I'll pilot it"

I was met with a simultaneous "Wait what?" from all three of the adults.

"Really, just like that?" The commander asked, blinking in surprise.

"It looks like I really don't have a choice, no point in resisting, right?"

"I... see..." the Commander said.

"Well then... er, suit up the Eva! Come with me Kyon, I'll give you a quick lecture on how the Eva works" Doctor Akagi said, motioning me to follow her.


	3. Chapter 3

_A/N:You're probably wondering where Shinji is in all this, I decided not to add him. Why? It's not that I don't like Shinji, it's just that I already have a lot of things fleshed out for this story and Shinji would just muck it up. Just a little spoiler: Kyon isn't the only one to completely replace him, who is his other replacement? I'm not saying, but it's so absurd it will blow your mind into the milky way, man. Funny story, I was reading over volume one of the Manga of Evangelion(by Yoshiyuki Sadamato) and there are rare parts where Shinji acts almost exactly like Kyon. Weird, huh? Anyway as for the other replacements, there won't be too many and most will be pretty obvious, I think. Also some characters in both series won't exist at all and others will just be there, not really replacing anybody. But don't worry about you're favorite red haired psycho-bitch! Oh yes, there will be Asuka! (Insert scary devil laughter) (now insert sonic the hedgehog theme song. No explanation is given for this) and I don't really know the details of how the Eva works, like some of you Evangelion writers(Excellent work by the way) so I'm just going to guess and make it up as I go along._

_**Chapter three:**_

_**Kyon Genesis Evangelion**_

_I should at least be thankful that I had already encountered all sorts of absurdity by now, otherwise, I would, without a doubt, be running around looking for a counselor_

_-Kyon_

After a lengthy explanation on how to control the Eva, I found myself sitting in a long cylindrical tube called the 'entry plug'. will the weirdness ever stop? At this point absurdity is just escalating. Oh well, no use complaining about it. I had been issued a pair of nerve clips for my hair, apparently it makes synchronization easier for this... cyborg? I'm going with cyborg. the seat was pretty snug and there were a pair of 'butterfly controls' that weren't so much for control as they were for helping the Eva read my body language. Got a good image of where I was? Alright then, so there I was waiting for the bridge crew to load me in the Eva, when I started to feel a familiar presence in the Eva. I couldn't really think of why though.

"Entry plug ready for insertion!"

There was a spinning sensation as I felt myself being screwed into the Eva's spine, I felt kind of dizzy.

"Flooding entry plug!"

Wait what?

I started to panic as the plug was filling up with that red stuff from earlier.

"Don't worry Kyon, once you breathe in the LCL, you'll be able to take oxygen directly!"

Going against common sense, I breathed the LCL in. ugh... it tasted like blood. After a few moments of choking, I was feeling pretty good, I was content not to breathe in at all. It was actually kind of cool.

"Main power connected! All circuits functioning normally! Initiating power up sequence!"

Colors danced in front of my vision and there was something that I can only describe as a buzzing in my mind. Suddenly I could see through not only my eyes, but the Eva's as well.

"What the hell, Am I high?"

There was a girlish giggle from a technician who I learned was named Maya Ibuki.

"Activating video link. Oh hi Kyon-kun! You're not high, you're just synchronizing with the Eva, quite impressively I might add! It takes some getting used to, but eventually you won't notice it."

It was so surreal, I could see Miss Ibuki in the corner of my vision, along with a familiar looking heads up display, like a first person shooter. I had a map, an energy meter, an ammo counter and a few incomprehensible lines of data next to a heart monitor.

Miss Ibuki's image left my vision as Misato ordered,

"Evangelion unit 01, prepare for launch!"

There was a heavy rumbling as all the locks were disengaged and the Eva was transported to a nearby launch tube... Wait, are you people just going to launch me up there like a rocket?

"Gate five, stand by!"

This is it, I'm glad they let me use the bathroom first...

"LAUNCH!"

I was hurtling through the launch tube faster than I've ever moved before, I'll admit it, I screamed. Who wouldn't? I wonder if that's how astronauts feel when they go into space?

After about two straight minutes of almost being crushed by heavy G-forces, I was outside in the street. Already I was being faced down by the angel, who studied me carefully.

"This is it, Kyon-kun! Releasing final safety locks! Evangelion unit 01, lift off!"

The Eva lurched forward, staying balanced on it's own accord,

Misato showed up in the corner of my vision,

"Alright Kyon-kun, let's start with walking, you remember how to do that right?"

"Yup"

It was actually pretty simple, just focus on the concept of walking and the Eva would walk, if I thought hard enough, the Eva would completely obey any command. I thought about walking, and it did exactly that, shakily at first, until I found the right rhythm, I was now power-walking like a pro.

"You're a natural, Kyon-kun!"

I stopped dead in my tracks when I saw the angel raise it's arm, preparing to blast me into oblivion.

"Kyon-kun look out!"

I dodged just in time and rolled behind a building to see a huge wave of energy flowing right next to me.

Doctor Akagi's image popped up in my vision,

"There's a weapons cache two blocks from you're location, grab the pallet rifle!"

I ran to the designated point on my map and waited for the building to pop out of the ground. Neat! It opened up to reveal several of the rifles. They were pretty much basic assault rifles, nothing too fancy, for an accessory to a giant robot anyway. I grabbed two and slung one over the Eva's back, never know when you're going to need a backup.

"Alright Kyon, stay behind cover and start firing, don't stop until it's dead!" Misato ordered.

"Got it."

I found a good spot as the angel was wandering around, probably searching for me. I opened fire as it crossed the street down the road from me. Damn this gun has a nasty recoil! I took cover as it fired another blast.

"Did I even hit it?"

"Hits confirmed, it's AT field is neutralizing you're shots!" came a voice from another technician named Aoba. The hell's an AT field?

It was time for all those chess games with Koizumi to pay off, earlier when they were prepping me for the Eva, Misato told me I could call in military support. Here goes...

I pulled the other rifle off my back and dual wielded them, then opened up a video link to the local military with my thoughts.

"This is pilot Ikari, requesting a surgical strike!"

"Kyon-kun, do you think that's wise?" Misato asked,

"This is general Yubari, what are the specifics?"

This was pure genius, don't I look so cool right now? I learned a few terms from Misato earlier so I knew exactly what to do.

"Conventional payload, You guys hit it in the back, and I'll blast him in the front"

"Copy that, pilot"

I did a SWAT turn between two buildings and fired to keep the angel's attention.

"Great plan Kyon, keep it up, you're doing great!"

Mister Aoba's voice popped into my skull,

"Mitsubishi F-2 strike incoming, target will be hit in three..."

I poked the Eva's head out of cover to get a better look, I could just barely see five fighters flying towards the Angel from behind.

"Two..."

this was it

"One!"

I popped out of cover and unloaded everything on the angel front as the Mitsubishis launched a payload of missiles into it's back.

"It's hurt! Go in for the kill!" Misato ordered.

The angel was picking itself back off the ground as I fired again,

_Click! Click! Click!_

"Dammit..." I forgot I had unloaded everything into it, there was only one thing to do now.

I dropped one gun and hefted the other like a club as I charged the angel.

"What the hell are you doing?" Misato screamed into my head.

"Finishing it, duh!"

The angel shakily brought itself up to it's knees as I busted it upside the head(torso?) with the butt of the rifle. It fell back down as I continued my onslaught.

"WHY...WON'T... YOU... DIE?"

"Go for the core, Kyon-kun!"

Misato must have been talking about that shiny red thing, so I kicked it over and prepared to slam down on it until it quickly raised both its arms up and hit me with a double blast, knocking me screaming a few blocks away. I was on the ground gasping for breath. I was trying to get up, but every movement was a pain.

"Get up, Kyon-kun!"

I tried my damnedest until the angel lifted me up by the head, putting an enormous strain on my neck,

"Oh... shit."

I was kicking and punching to get out of it's grip until it grasped the Eva's arm and started pulling. I was screaming myself hoarse as I felt my arm being slowly snapped in two,

"It's not your arm! You can still fight!"

It finally snapped and everything went red, there's just no way I could describe that pain, I just sat in the entry plug, cradling my arm as the Eva was lifted up higher. I could see a blinding light through the Eva's eyes.

Oh god, what now?

BAM

It started pounding the Eva's eye with that lance it had used earlier on the VTOL fighter.

BAM

Know how it feels to be shot in the head? I do.

BAM!

It completely busted through the Eva's armor and skull, causing me the most horrible pain I had ever known, I could literally feel the hot lance pierce through my brain, migraines had nothing on this. I was flung back into a nearby building, left for dead. I would have thought I was dead too if the pain hadn't been a definite reminder that I was in fact still alive. I lay there in the plug, twitching and gasping.

I could hear the voices through the video link, but I couldn't understand them.

I suddenly heard a soft voice,

"Get up"

"...W-what?"

"Get up"

"...Nagato?"

"I am now flooding your system with stimulants"

"W-wait!"

The voice was gone, and the pain was starting to leave too. I felt good, I also started to feel... angry, no, angry was an understatement, I was swerving through dimensions of pissed off I never knew existed, everything went red again. I forced the Eva up and started gripping it's hands like claws as I felt the broken arm fix itself. The others were saying something but I wasn't listening, I had one desire, beat it's fucking life out.

"Kyon? Kyon can you hear me?"

I stomped over to the angel as it was trying to blast it's way through the ground with that damned lance again. Letting loose a primal scream, I tackled it to the ground, slamming my fist into it, but it brought up an energy field that blocked my blows. I didn't care, I kept pounding at it's shield faster and faster.

"I don't think it's shield can take much more, he's going to win!"

I knew that already, I could feel the field weaken a little more every time I hammered my fist into it.

"AT field shattered!"

My fist broke through and the real brutality began, I kept pounding at that red jewel thing, causing it crack. I could hear the angel screaming on a frequency I shouldn't have been hearing, and the last thing I remembered was a pair of bright red eyes and darkness enveloping me.


	4. Chapter 4

_A/N I'm not too fond of that angel battle, it just doesn't feel like Kyon was in character, but then again he's used to the absurd, isn't he? I don't know anymore... oh well. I guess that since I added what I thought of as interesting tactics, I will have to outdo myself with each Angel battle, I do have something very interesting in mind for a later battle, not sure which yet, but here's a little tiny hint: "Ku-Go" Asuka isn't coming for a while, but when she does, I am interested in what will happen when she interacts with Haruhi, who will be showing up much sooner, my theory is something...(twitch, gasp)_Terrible!_ But what I'm more interested in is her reaction to Kyon. He's not a spineless wimp at all(no offense Shinji fans), and he'll fight back if he has to. Will she respect him(at least somewhat more than Shinji), or will she hate him? Time will tell, time will tell._

_This chapter is where things will slow down quite a bit, and you may have noticed a few out of character moments, those were intentional and I can explain that for all the characters really, when the universes merged, histories were changed and twisted around, giving us a somewhat different package than what we are used to. I hope you don't hate the changes, nobody has been changed drastically anyway. Also a lot of information will be left unknown to readers, since this takes Kyon's perspective, I can't very well have him tell you all about SEELE's plans and what have you, since he has no clue what's going on for the most part. I think that will make things a little more interesting though, since sometimes it's what you don't say that matters. On an unrelated note: why is it that whenever I listen to sonic meets metal, I get a very clear image of Haruhi running next to sonic at mach speeds with that big open-mouthed smile, not even breaking a sweat, with sonic looking over at her with a "WTF?" Expression? One more thing on a related note(I know these notes are huge!) I'm starting to run out of good Kyon quotes for the beginning of each chapter, so if you could, PM me with a few of you're favorite Kyon quotes, or any Haruhi character really, as long as I can find a spot to fit them I'll be happy. But I'm mostly after Kyon quotes._

_**Chapter Four:**_

_**Unfamiliar Ceiling**_

_No matter when it was, i don't think I've written into my resume any skills that would get me sent straight to the funny farm, besides the pretty useless skill of getting myself unwittingly dragged into mysterious events._

_-Kyon_

I woke up in a daze, staring at something white, as my eyes adjusted I realized it was a ceiling. Where was I? Looking around, I found I was in a hospital room, how nostalgic. Was it all... just a dream? I rolled over to see if Haruhi was in a sleeping bag next to me, only to find nothing. Maybe it was real...

I tried to sit up, but I was sore all over and there was a pain between my legs, feeling around, I felt a long plastic tube... Oh god dammit! They put a catheter in me! I carefully reached for the tube and slowly pulled it out,

"Ah... ow... shit..."

Much better... damn these doctors are thorough, thank god I didn't have to deal with this my old world. I had just managed to sit up when it suddenly hit me, no Haruhi... is it bad that I'm starting to miss her? Is she even in this new world?

"_I guess I'll just have to find out" _I thought as I shakily got off the bed and started walking.

How long was I out for? I could see the early morning rays through the windows out in the hallway, was I in the Geo-front? Or was that the real sunlight? Hard to tell, this world has a lot of advanced technology. I continued to wander down the hallway until I saw a group of doctors rushing a patient down the hall on one of those emergency table things with the wheels. I feel like I should know what those are called. Something struck my interest though, that girl... was she the one I saw before, in the street? I'd say it was impossible, but I'm pretty sure I had just woken up after I fought in a giant cyborg against some Godzilla reject. Blue hair, and red eyes... that's definitely her, and not Nagato. I could have stopped to ask her who she was, but it seemed that she needed immediate medical attention, and I'd probably run into her again sometime anyway.

I was shook from my thoughts by a cold, hard voice.

"Kyon"

My "Uncle" was standing beside me. Don't sneak up on me like that!

"I'm very surprised in your performance yesterday, good work." It felt more like I was being sized up than congratulated, he was watching me with cold, calculating eyes.

"Thanks... I guess. Seems like you didn't expect me to pilot it, or even get in the Eva, why is that?"

"I have my reasons" he stated icily,

The commander was walking away from me when he stopped, keeping his back turned to me,

"By the way, Captain Katsuragi will be stopping by shortly to pick you up, then there will be some legal matters to attend to with Doctor Akagi"

"Alright"

Then he just walked away, what's this guy's deal?

I was in the lobby waiting for Misato to pick me up, watching the news. There wasn't a thing on about the Eva or the angel, but I guess if they just broke out and said, "oh by the way, we have giant robots to fight giant monsters that want to kill us all" there would be a widespread panic. That could only cause more problems than there already were. I decided to change the channel with a nearby remote, struggling with the buttons, I was still sore all over. When they said synchronize, they weren't kidding. I found a baseball game on TV and put the remote down, I didn't really follow baseball that much, but it's nice to have some normal ambiance for once.

After about an hour of zoning out in front of the TV, Misato showed up with a fresh change of clothes and soon enough we were speeding off through the Geo-front to what I'm guessing was Doctor Akagi's office. Does she always drive like this? I hadn't really considered her driving skills before since we were trying to get out of a war zone, but I'm surprised this woman is still alive! After a few minutes of warp speed, we finally made it to the scientist's office building and went inside.

"Ah Kyon, as you may have guessed, we have some things to sort out" was the first thing I was told as we stepped into her office, this woman was definitely the straight to the point type.

"So I'm told" I said dryly.

"Alright both of you take a seat while I get the papers" she said as she quickly left the room.

I took a chair by Misato and sat quietly while we waited. You know how they say you can tell a lot about someone by looking in their medicine cabinet? Well I think the same applies for private offices, everywhere I looked were complex physics books, cigarette butts, and oddly enough, cat figurines. When I first met her, I didn't think of her as a very warm person, other than a few questionably flirtatious comments, but it seems she has a soft side after all. Seriously though, why are older women flirting with me? Not that I'm complaining or anything, but I never really considered myself particularly good looking, not ugly either, just average.

She came back to the room with a large envelope,

"Alright, before I ask you to sign anything, I'm legally obliged to ask you something" she said, holding onto a manila envelope.

"Okay, shoot" I said apathetically.

"Do you want to pilot the Evangelion?"

"If I don't, everything will all go to hell won't it?" I said bluntly

She had an annoyed expression, "It certainly looks that way, but I need a definitive yes or no"

"Alright, yes"

Doctor Akagi lips raised in a tiny smile as she handed me a pen and a piece of paper "You're much more cooperative than I would have imagined"

"In my experience, it's best to just go with the flow" Except for when Haruhi has a REALLY stupid idea, which is most of the time.

"That's a good philosophy to have at NERV" she pointed at a dotted line, "Just sign right there"

"Alright then..." I was about to sign my name when it struck me,, "Wait, am I getting paid for this?"

"Of course! You'll receive a hefty check for hazard pay each month and a gratuitous retirement fund when all of this is over, the details are actually right here" she said, pointing a well manicured finger at a box in the document.

I read through it carefully, if I was counting right, I should be getting enough money each month to last me a fourth of the year! These people are pretty serious about this.

"Alright then, I'm definitely on board with this" I said as I signed my name.

After I signed it, I had a nasty feeling in the pit of my stomach. I should have been overjoyed that I was getting paid to pilot a giant robot and kill monsters, Haruhi would probably kill everyone in the brigade just for a shot at this job! ...But why did I feel like a guy who just sold his soul to the devil? I put it in the back of my mind, it was probably just all the money coming my way that made it seem too good to be true.

"Alright, now that that's settled, I have another document for you sign" Doctor Akagi said, effectively snapping me out of my thoughts.

"For what?" I asked curiously.

She handed it to me, "Signing this document means that you consent to live on your own in a NERV funded apartment complex"

"Now wait a minute!" Misato said, stopping me as I was just about to sign my name. What now?

"He's still just a kid, I think he needs a proper guardian, I mean, don't you think it might have a bad effect on his mind to live all by himself?"

I didn't think it was a bad idea.

The blonde scientist had a thoughtful expression, "I get what you're saying, Misato, but his only adult relative in the city is the commander, and he barely takes care of his daughter as it is"

Daughter? I have a cousin now?

"But we can't just leave him on his own!"

Doctor Akagi had an amused expression, "And who's going to take care of him, you? Ha! You're the polar opposite of a good role-model!" she was laughing now.

"Ritz, I take that offensively! I'll have you know I take very good care of pen-pen!"

What's a pen-pen?

"He's a genetically modified penguin! He could just as easily live on his own!"

Genetically modified penguin? As a pet? I found myself in a merged universe, piloted the Eva, fought a giant monster, pulled a catheter out of my _dick_, but _that_ takes the cake!

"You're just jealous! Come on, Let him live with me!"

What the hell is happening here?

Doctor Akagi sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. Man do I know that feeling, "Alright, fine. But it's up to Kyon"

Misato was on me faster than you could say _tsukkomi commentor, _with big doe eyes and a begging expression, "Won't you please Kyon-kun? Please, please, please! I could really use the company!"

How could i say no those puppy dog eyes and those... big... bouncing breasts, good lord they were big! Gah!

"Alright, alright!"

She gave me a childish chuckle and a smile that reminded me far too much of Haruhi, "You made the right choice Kyon-kun!" she turned to doctor Akagi, "In you're face, Ritz-chan!" Akagi was not amused.

After a quick stop at a convenience store to get snacks, I was riding along with Misato to our new place. She had a sinister smirk the whole way there.

"So are you in the mood to party?" she asked me, her tone was cheerful.

"What's there to party about?" i asked, tiredly resting my head on the window pane.

"A welcoming party for my new roommate, of course!"

Oh joy. "forgive me, but I'm not really the 'partying' type"

"I'll let you have some of my beer~"

After everything I've been through, I need a beer...

"Sure, sounds good" i said quietly.

"Why are you so gloomy?" she said in an annoyed tone

"I'm not gloomy, I'm exhausted"

"That's it! We're making a detour!"

"Where to, the happy fun camp of sunshine?"

"You look cute, so why don't you act like it?"

Looks can be deceiving, can't they?

We were parked on a cliff, with a complete view of the city.

"Pretty soon now..." Misato said quietly, giving a quick glance at her watch.

Soon enough, huge skyscrapers started rising out of the city. Growing out of the ground on some kind of hydraulic belt would be my guess. I could really care less.

"Neat" i said half-heartedly.

Misato grabbed me by the face, forcing me to really look at the city,

"Dammit Kyon-kun, look at this! You protected this city, show some damn pride!"

Not really changing my attitude, Misato.

"Woot."

Her eye was twitching as she let go,

"Never mind... come on, let's go home"

"Here we are, Home sweet home!" Misato said as we walked in and took our shoes off.

I looked around, gawking at the huge mess. This wasn't a home, it was a swirling nexus of chaos and discord! Everywhere i looked, there were trash bags and empty beer cans.

"Sorry, it's a little messy" she said nonchalantly

If you only took me in to clean up after you, then you're out of your mind!

After i brought my boxes in, courtesy of NERV shipping, i joined Misato for dinner. I wonder what's in those boxes? I decided I'd rummage around and find some clues later.

"Here's that beer i promised you, Kyon-kun! Cheer up!" she said, handing me a Yebisu.

First time I've ever had beer. I cracked the can open and guzzled it down, not really taking in the taste and eliciting a surprised stare from Misato.

"Um... Kyon-kun, can i ask you something?" she asked, handing me another beer.

"Okay, shoot." i cracked open the new can and took a big gulp. God this stuff is nasty!

"Heh heh, it's an acquired taste. But i wanted to ask, why are you so dispassionate? I mean, you act like all of this is nothing new to you"

I wouldn't say that... not exactly anyway.

"I've just always been that way, ever since middle school"

Misato gave me a ponderous look,

"What happened?"

"Have you ever believed in the impossible?" i asked, starting to feel a buzz.

"I'm living it, remember the angel? Evangelion ring a bell?" she said flatly

"I meant when you were a kid"

"I don't want to talk about my childhood" she said darkly, taking a sip of her beer.

"Okay... well anyway, i used to believe in a world where aliens, time travelers and espers existed. I wished so hard that they would just pop out and say, 'hey! We're here!' But by the time i got in middle school, i guess all of that was stomped out of me by the crush of normal everyday student life. I just stopped caring about that kind of stuff, or really much of anything. I just did what i had to do to get it done and go home, and I've been that way ever since" Of course i couldn't tell her about Haruhi and all of our 'misadventures', she'd probably send me straight to the funny farm in an I-love-me jacket, so I doctored the truth a little.

"Well that's anticlimactic"

"What were you expecting, that i already had to save the world on a daily basis from an eccentric girl?"

Oh irony, though arte a heartless bitch.

"Ha! That's just silly, kudos for imagination though! No i just figured you'd say something like you used to believe in the supernatural until all the childlike wonder was crushed out of you when you were mangled in an escalator and aliens didn't come to save you. Something like that"

? But saving the world from an eccentric girl is just silly?

After dinner i stumbled to the bathroom to take a leak, alcohol has that effect apparently. I opened the door and nearly tripped over something, it was the bird. I kneeled down to get a better look at him.

"So you must be pen-pen. Anything you want to tell me, Debate philosophy, Anything?"

Pen-pen tilted his head at me curiously as if to say, 'This guy must be crazy'

"Wark?"

"Never mind... could you move now? I gotta take a leak"

The penguin waddled away, as if understanding exactly what i wanted.

"Huh, nice guy" i said as I watched him walk away.

I laid on my bed, dog tired. I was going to sort through the mysterious boxes, but i could really care less at this point, i just wanted to get some sleep. I had school in the morning, according to Misato. I should be furious about risking my life and then still having to go through the boring crush that is school, but maybe I'd meet up with someone i knew, that would be a major plus in this weird place. I really was starting to miss Haruhi, and the rest of the brigade too. I'd even welcome Koizumi talking my face off about some abstract concept like he always does.

Before i fell asleep i read a little, i did manage to sort through one box and found an old sci-fi book titled _childhood's end. _I wasn't really taking in any of the words but i gathered it was something about aliens and human evolution. It had to be a clue, the theme was just so familiar, and on top of that i had never seen it before. I think i'd know if i owned this before. Maybe tomorrow I'd start reading it in earnest...

_A/N: here's a retarded omake I made a long time ago:_

**Ultra mega bastard**

A Gendo Ikari story

"_Oh my god they killed Kenny!_

_You bastards!"_

click.

"_It turn's out there was a half eaten meat ball in there._

_Did you save it?_

_...No?_

_...You bastard."_

click_._

"_Thanks action bastard, you really saved my ass back there!"_

click.

"_What did you do to my legs you Nazi walrus bastard!"_

click.

Gendo Ikari, commander of NERV, sat in his office flipping through the channels on his super awesome big screen TV. The bastard. It had been a long day at NERV with no angel attacks and abusing Shinji was just getting old. He needed something new to spice up his inner bastard.

But what could he possibly do to be more of a bastard?

Gendo reached into his desk and took out the only surviving relic of Yui Ikari, a small hand-mirror.

"Mirror, mirror on the wall, how can I be a better bastard?"

His reflection furrowed it's brows for a moment in deep thought,

"Tell Shinji he's a spineless wimp?" it offered.

"I already did that three times today"

"...Make a huge batch of delicious tacos and not let anyone have any?"

"...Um... no." Gendo replied to the mirror. That was a jerk thing to do, but it was just stupid, like the author just wrote down the first thing that popped into his head. Seriously, what's with that?

"...Oh! I know! Order the bridge bunnies to listen to you read the great Gatsby!"

Gendo shuddered, that book was the most despicable, boring thing he had ever read. And he went to college!

"Like hell I'd put _myself_ through that!" he growled back.

"Then I'm out of ideas"

Gendo frowned,

"You bastard."

"Right back at ya champ!"

he threw the mirror across the room, shattering it as it collided with the wall.

Gendo was desperate for new ideas, he had already read _The bastard method_ cover to cover and he had done everything in that book and then some already. He then watched his favorite DVD, _Hitler's greatest speeches_, but Hitler had nothing on the bastard king of NERV. He had banged Akagi senseless and didn't call the next morning, but that too was getting old. Bored out of his mind, he decided to call SEELE up for a conference, just to shake things up, or rather as the vernacular goes: _Fuck shit up_.

"Ikari, we are very busy men! What's so important? Asked Keel, who's name the author is uncertain about spelling right for some reason. Gendo suppressed a grin as he spoke his next words, being that he studied McCarthyism in his younger days, this was no difficult task,

"Gentlemen, I have knowledge that three of you are angels, I do not know who but I have undeniable evidence of this"

"What?" the members of SEELE screamed. Gendo merely cut off the connection and walked back to his office.

It had been a few days since a certain five countries nuked each other into oblivion, and Gendo still wasn't satisfied. Pressing the button on his intercom, there was a short silence. Then an attractive female voice spoke,

"Yes Mr. Ikari?" asked his secretary.

"Bring me the boy"

"Right away sir"

Gendo waited a few minutes in his trademark pose with his hands locked together. Finally Shinji arrived, approaching his father's desk carefully.

"Y-yes father? You wanted to see me?" he asked carefully, fearing Gendo's glare would turn him to stone. Why else would he wear those cool shades?

"Yes, I was thinking we could use some father-son bonding time. Would you like to go fishing sometime?" Gendo asked, feigning friendliness.

"Y-yes father! I'd love to!" Shinji cried out, his faith in mankind returning.

Gendo sat quietly for a moment waiting for the boy to walk into his trap, after an awkward silence, the boy did,

"D-do you really mean it father?"

"No. now get of here, you disgust me"

Shinji promptly ran away crying.

Gendo reclined in his chair, a good day's work done.

The end.


	5. Chapter 5

_**Chapter five:**_

_**Let's Fighting Love**_

_he was seriously asking for a beating_

_-Kyon_

_A/N:This is where i introduce more characters, prepare for a surprise or two. And I have taken a few elements in other stories I've read, mostly Evangelion, sorry about that guys. The Evangelion setting is difficult for me to set up. But I've tried my best to take some of those elements and make them original as best as i can. As the story progresses though, i can guarentee you'll be reading ideas that are brand spanking new, or at least things I've never read before, Im also looking forward to not having to explain much of anything once things are properly set up, the beginning is always the hardest part of anything in my opinion._

_So about that hint "Ku-Go" Anyone have an idea what I'm talking about yet? Heheheh, It won't be coming for a while but I can't wait! Failed science makes great fiction, I say._

_On an unrelated note: Why is King of the hill youtube poop the only youtube poop worth watching? My theory is that it has 30% more -Waluigi!- ...yep._

_This story starts off in mid-december, but i realize that Evangelion started in some other summery type of month. I don't care, fuck dates! Anyway I'm just doing crazy stuff for this story. Insomnia will have that effect. By the way, 'Itoko' is japanese for cousin._

_And remember kids: premature pokeulation is a serious problem!_

I was on my way to my first day of hi-school in this absurd place, I think I'll call this place bizarro world, that sums it up really. The sun was shining brightly above me like the watchful eye of an angry god and it was still hot. Thank god this school didn't require us to wear blazers like North high did, i was already starting to sweat. What's wrong with this world? It never got this hot in my old world. I was near the school gates, pondering that when i heard a familiar, yet very unfamiliar shout.

"Itoko-chan!"

I was tackled to the ground by a mysterious human bullet. Itoko-chan? This must be that cousin i heard about.

She got off my back and helped me up, when i saw her face, i was frozen still with fear. I was face to face with the last thing i had expected to see, her cheery expression and sunny smile was burned into my very soul.

"I read the report, but i had to see it for myself! Can you believe it? After all this time we're reunited!" Ryoko Asakura said with an expression of sunshine and rainbows that i had long sinse grouped in with stabby death.

"Y-you! You followed me all the way here to finish the job!" i screamed at her, stumbling backwards and accidentally pinning myself against a tree.

"Job?" she asked confusedly, "Oh... you still haven't forgiven me..." she said, bowing her head in shame.

"You tried to kill me! How could i forgive you?"

"That was an accident! I didn't mean to hurt you, I promise!"

"That knife said otherwise!" i retorted incredulously

"...W-what knife?" she asked, starting to tear up "I know i was a brat back then, but i would never want to h-hurt you, Kyon-kun!" She was sobbing now.

"Brat back then? What are you talking about?" It suddenly dawned on me, she didn't remember the old world at all, unless she learned to use tears as a facade... but the Ryoko Asakura i knew didn't have a full grip on human emotions. No... this had to be genuine.

"Don't you remember? Back when you used to live down the street from me, we used to play together everyday! And then one day... i got m-mad at y-you and pushed you off the j-jungle gym. You cried and ran back h-home, and the next day we moved away... You never called or wrote... I-I should have known you still hated me! I'm really sorry Kyon-kun!"

I can't stand to see cute girls cry... even if they may or may not have tried to stab me in the past...

I had to make amends, it seemed like the right thing to do

"Listen, Asakura-"

She blinked in confusion, "W-who's Asakura? How could you forget my name, it's Ikari! Ryoko Ikari... I...I think the Eva must have scrambled you're brains, are you okay?"

Scrambled my brains, huh? I'm pretty sure I'm still sane, for now anyway. This version Asakura seemed to be emotionally unstable, and i really don't want to look like a jerk on the first day of school, so I did the only thing i could think of.

"I've just been a little on edge since the fight, I don't hate you at all. I'm sorry about all of that..."

I was pinned up against the tree again as she gripped me in an earth shattering hug,

"Do you really mean it? I missed you so much! We can put all of that behind us and start over again, what do you say?"

"Uh... sure!"

When i got into class, Ryoko, who turned out to be the class representative once more, directed me to an empty seat by the window, surrounded by three more empty seats.

"Those people are usually here, but don't worry, I'm not isolating you or anything!" she said cheerfully, from a seat to my front diagonally. The teacher asked me to introduce myself after a laptop was issued to me. Laptop? This school is kind of neat!

"Well, you must be Mr. Ikari, care to introduce yourself?"

Gladly!

I sat up, with a wicked grin on my face, Maybe by doing this I'll find the Suzumiya of this world.

"My name is Kyon Ikari and I'm not interested in ordinary humans" i looked around the room to gauge reactions, so far everyone was staring at me with a WTF expression,

"If any of you are aliens, time travelers or espers, come see me, that is all"

and with that, I sat back in my seat, trying to keep a straight face. That was kind of fun!

"Uh... okay then..."

I was fiddling around with my new laptop while the teacher was blabbing on about something called second impact. Did I say this school was kind of neat? Well I misjudged, this laptop is the crappiest thing I had ever owned! In a world with giant robots/cyborgs whatever, you'd think they would have at least gotten civilian computer technology to the point of windows 95! this thing may have looked kind of high-tech on the outside, but it may as well have been an old model from the late eighties. The scientists of this world really need to get their priorities straight...

I was internally complaining about the state of modern technology when I got a message

Nagato?

Are you the pilot? y/n

No... still no sign of Nagato... what should i say? Should i really let people know I'm the pilot? I mean they aren't covering this stuff on the news for a reason... but apparently people know about this stuff anyway...

who want's to know?

I'm in new territory now, so flaunting my status as a pilot is probably not the best option at this moment

Just answer the question

But then again... this would be right up Haruhi's alley, and the closer i am to her in this world, the better.

Yes

There was an uproar as every girl in class squealed in delight and surrounded my desk with eyes filled with wonder and maybe obsession.

"Like omy gosh, You were awesome! I saw the leaked footage of the fights, just when i thought you were dead, you got all badass, nyoro~!"

Tsuruya?

"You were like, bitch! Pow pow pow pow pow pow pow pow pow pow!"

It was Tsuruya! And she was making punches in the air to accent her Pows!

"My favorite part was when you beat it with you're guns like some trench fighter!"

I've never been so happy to see the cute motormouth in my life! But why is she in my class? Isn't she older than me?

"Alright, alright break it up!" Ryoko said, being a buzz kill.

Everyone let out a disappointed whine and went back to their seats.

Ryoko was in my face with a very angry look on her face

"Kyon-kun you're not supposed to tall to people about that stuff! I'm very disappointed in you..."

"Uh... heh, no one told me?"

Just then another student called out

"Class rep, are you a pilot too?"

Ryoko's face went red, oops, slipped a little didn't you?

"I uh... um-"

She was interrupted by a girl wearing an arm sling and bandages, who was just walking in the door,

"Ryoko Ikari cannot confirm or deny that, i would advise you cease your questions"

the class went quiet as the students whispered amongst themselves.

"Oh uh... miss Ayanami! I didn't know they let you out so soon, are you feeling okay?"

wait, that's the girl from before... so her name's Ayanami, as in zero? This is going to be an interesting school year.

"I am well"

"tell me if you need to go to the nurse's office okay?" Ryoko said as she went back to her seat.

"That will not be necessary"

such a strange girl... speaking in monotone, she reminds me so much of Nagato, but she's definitely not her.

"Hey, miss Ayanami?" i asked, ready for some answers.

"Yes?" she asked turning around to face me. Now that I was looking at her up close, I had time to take in her features. She was really plain looking, but in a beautiful way, I'm not really sure how to explain it. Red eyes, like that angel's core or whatever, and blue hair, lighter than Ryoko's. There's no way this girl is human, not completely anyway.

We were staring at one another for a few moments, not breaking eye contact until i finally spoke,

"You're not human, are you?"

If I hadn't been accustomed to being able to read the trace amounts of emotion in people's faces, I would have missed it. She was surprised, shocked even.

"...That is classified" she said in a deadpan, breaking eye contact for a split second.

Classified huh? How nostalgic. But it seems I have another lead now. Could this girl be the key Nagato was talking about?

"Oh... i see. Can you tell me how you got so banged up?" I asked, milking her for clues.

"That is also classified"

"Is there anything you can tell me?"

"There is little"

Well that's anticlimactic...

I was heading off to lunch when i was stopped by a classmate,

"Hey new kid, what's with that crazy introduction?" I turned around and was met with the sight of a less than amused looking guy in a track seat with nervous kid in glasses.

"Um.. Touji, don't do anything rash man!"

He didn't take his eyes off me,

"Be quiet Kensuke, i got this handled"

This didn't feel friendly at all, but i played it cool

"Maybe I'm just a crazy kind of guy" i said non-chalantly

"Oh a smartass, I guess i won't feel so bad about this!"

Feel bad about what?

Blam!

I was seeing moons and stars and Higurashi reruns as i fell to the ground. This guy has a mean right hook! I got up shakily and asked,

"What the hell was that for?"

"Sorry new guy, just wasn't gonna feel right till I thrashed you"

"You bald octopus! I didn't do anything to you!"

"Who you callin' a bald octopus?" he said as he swung his fist at me again. Okay this shit is ridiculous! I'm really not a fighter by nature, but I'll be damned I'm going to be beat up for no reason! I dodged and swung back, landing an uppercut on his jaw.

He nursed his jaw and said,

"You're really gonna wish you didn't do that, new guy"

I doubled over in agony after he landed a swift kick to my stomach, and fell on my back as he kicked me in the face.

"You got allot of guts, i admire that. But this is something i just gotta do"

he lifted his foot, ready to stomp my face when suddenly-

"Kiiiiiiiiiyaaaaaaaa!"

"What the-"

Blam!

A girl had just jump kicked him in the face! Like a valkyrie descending from the heavens with all the fury of an angered god!

She picked him up off the ground by his collar, with her long brown hair and yellow headband shining in the bright sun and an expression that promised slow painful death marred her pretty face.

"What the hell do you think you're doing you meathead? How can you be so ungrateful to the guy who just save all our lives?"

"S-suzumiya!" Touji stuttered in shock

"Shut up!" she yelled, punching him in the face. Kensuke looked like he was ready to wet himself.

She put the stereotypical jock in a headlock and forced him to look at me as i got up.

"Say you're sorry you ungrateful worm!"

I can't believe it, Haruhi coming to _my_ rescue!

"S-sorry new kid!"

"Now was that so hard?" she said as she pushed him away, "Now get out of here!" He obliged and ran like a bat out of hell. I can't say i really blame him.

"S-suzumiya... I uhh..." Kensuke was still there, shaking with fear.

"Listen nerd, I got nothing against you, so scram before i change my mind!"

"Y-yes mam!" and he scurried off after Touji.

Haruhi dusted herself off and faced me with a deadly serious look,

"I'm Haruhi Suzumiya" her face shifted to something akin to a small child meeting their favorite baseball player, "And I'm you're biggest fan!"

_A/N CLIFFHANGER!_ _Heheheh I like where this is heading. Don't worry, I may take a while to write more but I assure you that I'm putting every effort in keeping this fic from dying. That's something that irks me about this crossover. Very few people ever cross Evangelion with Haruhi and even less actually finish it. So I'm making it my duty to be the first to actually complete this concept. Even if this story gets poor reception by the time i end it, I will still pride myself in the fact that i did what no one to my knowledge has ever done. Pierce the heavens and kick reason to the curb! I also urge anyone who has the time and interest to write their own Eva-Haruhi crossover, as it is always a joy for me to see this kind of thing. Sorry if this story isn't the best it could be, i don't have internet at home and I have to go to a friends house to even publish this. So i have to upload what i got when i get the chance, my philosophy is better to have something half decent than nothing at all. So if you guys would be so kind, please review and tell me what you think, don't be afraid to point out misspelling, grammar and general errors, because how do we learn but through our mistakes?_

_Until next time guys _

_xXThe mirror tells me LIESXx_

This is as far as I could edit, I hope you guys find it much more enjoyable with the slight changes. And I finally changed that annoying second impact typo, that was bothering me for quite some time. Yay me!


	6. Chapter 6

_A/N: Why aren't the italics working? Seriously WHAT. THE. FUCK? (nuclear explosion) hoooowwwahhh! Or does it just look like that on the computer i was using? Kinda pisses me off, but anyway here's some thoughts about the story so far: I have shamed my family! After reading through what I had so far, I had noticed there were a ton of grammar mistakes and missing words! MISSING WORDS! WHAT. THE. FUCK? (nuke) hooooowwwaahhhh! One of them that I can't believe I missed was:_

"_I was fiddling around with my new laptop while the teacher was blabbing on about second impact."_

_It should have been:_

_I was fiddling around with my new laptop while the teacher was blabbing on about (something called) second impact."_

_I don't know how I missed that, and it appears that once something is posted, it can't be edited. Or at least I can't figure out how, but anyway, please excuse that._

_I apologize for my terrible grammar and my issues with Your/you're sense/since. I seriously don't know how I missed all that. It used to irk the hell out of me when I'd see a fanfic posted with the same mistakes, but I understand this phenomena now. Time travelling Illuminati vampires! They had gone back in time to make sure I posted this with errors in it! I'm on to you o_0_

_Nah, I made a few honest mistakes, and am taking great efforts in preareading what i write, even prereading my prereading, kind of like spinners on my spinners on my spinners... you get the idea._

_With this chapter: So as you may have guessed, Kyon finds Haruhi. (Stimpy) Joy~! ^_^_

_what will the future hold for them? Will it be good or bad? Will she make stuff happen? Time will tell, time will tell._

_unrelated notes: So i just saw Elfen Lied and was seriously impressed! I thought Evangelion and Higurashi were as fucked up and awesome as it gets, but this shit takes the cake! It's dark, funny, deep, and occasionally sexy. LOL. It even has a gun crazy dude who sounds strangely similar to Duke Nuke'em. What more can you ask for?_

_I was not impressed however, with Lucky Star. I sat through a whole episode and they talked about how they like to eat their favorite foods for three fourths of the fucking episode! I personally found no entertainment value from this anime whatsoever, but for some reason it's like megas popular. Which is fine, different strokes for different folks._

_Did you think this one was dead? Hahaha! As long as we believe, Haruhism lives on!_

_So one of you reviewers pointed out that this would look better left oriented, so I'm left orienting it from now on, don't get disoriented, okay? Lol thanks for pointing that out, Selias, and thank you guys so much for your reviews and favorites, it means a lot XD_

_**Chapter Six:**_

_**It's An Adventure Right- WRONG!**_

"_I am always the sober one, and i acknowledge myself as the levelheaded tsukkomi commenter towards everything under the sun. Hey, I can butt in a comment even in this incomprehensible world, like this: Nandeyan?/what the heck?"_

_-Kyon_

My... biggest fan?

She asked me to join her for lunch after the fight, and there I was, sitting across from her at a picnic table.

"I'm sorry about Suzuhara, he's an idiot" Haruhi said, taking a bite of her bento.

I don't like the idea of a girl fighting my battles for me, but I'm glad she showed up when she did, or else I'd be in the nurses office by now. Besides, this is no ordinary girl, this is Haruhi I'm talking about!

"Uh... yeah, so what's his deal anyway?" I asked taking a big gulp of some tea Haruhi bought for me from a vending machine.

She made a disgusted face,

"His little sister got injured during the fight when you were knocked into a building, he's been bitching about it ever since."

I felt a solid rock of guilt drop into my stomach, I hurt somebody and didn't even know it...

"Ikari? You alright?" she looked concerned, "If you're feeling guilty, don't worry about it! It was her own fault she got hurt, little brat should have been in a shelter..."

How can she say something so cold? I'd bet an entire paycheck that she'd do the exact same thing!

She was glaring at me with her arms crossed,

"Ikari, look at me! Those robots are pretty big, right?"

"Well... yeah?"

where was she going with this?

"And you can't keep track of every little detail around you, can you?"

I sighed, "No..."

"Exactly! Even though I'm sure those robots have some super cool technology, there's no way you could have known she was there! So stop feeling guilty over someone else's stupid mistakes!"

As awful as it makes me feel, when she puts it like that she's exactly right. There's no way I could have known that little girl was there. I still felt bad about her getting hurt, but it was easier to know it wasn't my fault.

"I get what you're saying, Suzumiya-"

she cut me off "Haruhi."

"Huh?"

"Just call me Haruhi, if I can call you Kyon, that is" she was nervously stirring her lunch with her chopsticks.

She looked so cute being awkward like that, and it made me smile warmly for the first time in a long time,

"I'd like that, Haruhi"

She returned my smile and was about to say something else until something behind me caught her eye.

"Oh, Mikuru! Come sit with us!"

Mikuru?

I turned around and sure enough was the ever so lovely Miss Asahina, shyly bowing her head and gripping her lunchbox tightly.

"A-are you sure? I can go somewhere else if you like..."

She's so adorable!

"Mikuru get your ass over here now!"

Miss Asahina quickly sat down next to Haruhi and wouldn't make eye contact with me.

"You have to forgive her, she's shy"

Well she doesn't seem to have changed at all, I guess that's a relief.

"Kyon, I'd like you to meet my best friend Mikuru Asahina!" she wrapped Miss Asahina in a tight hug, elliciting a small squeal from the frightened girl, "We're like sisters! Miku-chan, this is Kyon! He's the pilot who fought that monster the other day!" Haruhi let go of Miss Asahina,

"P-pilot?" She looked at me nervously with barely concealed wonder, "Th-thank you, Mr. Kyon..."

Just... so... cute!

I chuckled nervously, wearing a goofy smile,

"All in a day's work, Miss Asahina"

"P-please call me M-Mikuru! And if there's anything I can do for you, please don't h-hesitate to ask!"

"That's the spirit, Miku-chan!" Haruhi cheered

Something still didn't add up...

"Hey Haruhi?"

"Huh?"

"How did you know I was a pilot?"

She looked off to the side nervously,

"I may have... hacked into my dad's NERV account" she said quietly.

"H-Haruhi! You shouldn't do that! You can get your dad into a lot of trouble!" Mikuru shrieked

"So I take it your parents work for NERV?" I asked

"Oh... just my dad" She said, quietly looking down with a frown.

"Just your dad huh?" I turned to Mikuru, "What about your parents, do they work for NERV as well?"

Mikuru looked like she was about to burst into tears, "They... They... th-"

"Oh? Kyon-kun, you made some friends already!" Ryoko interrupted and joined us.

"Class rep? Are you related to Kyon?" Haruhi asked excitedly, suddenly snapping out of that dark mood.

Ryoko took the lunch out of her box and began eating,

"U-huh! We're cousins!"

And that's how our little social group got started, every day after that, the four of us would join for lunch and talk. Mikuru would just sit quietly and giggle at the embarrassing stories Ryoko would tell about our childhood that I didn't recollect at all, and Haruhi would ask Ryoko and I questions about the Eva. I didn't know much, but I told her as much as I could, without making Ryoko upset because of me releasing classified information. And me? I mostly sat quietly and enjoyed my 'new' friends' presence, even Ryoko, who's presence is very enjoyable when she's not trying to kill you. Looking back, those were the happiest days I had in this bizzaro world, before everything started to go to hell.

A few days later, I sat with Haruhi and the others for lunch like I had every day since I started Bizzaro school.

Haruhi let out a deep sigh as she stared off into space, resting her head on her hand.

"What's wrong, Haruhi?" I asked, following her gaze. There was nothing but blue sky and a little speck off in the distance, probably an airplane.

"I wish I could be an Eva pilot too! Why can't I join in on the fun?"

My eyes went wide as soon as she said that, and I slammed my hands on the table,

"Don't ever say that!" I scolded her, "It's not fun at all and it hurts like hell!"

"So what? What's a little pain compared to controlling a giant robot with your mind?"

"I was hospitalized!"

"P-please don't fight!" Mikuru screamed, trying to defuse the situation.

"Why are you such a buzzkill, Kyon?" she asked, glaring at me.

Why was I being a buzzkill? I guess it's because...

I looked away from Haruhi, "I don't know what I'd do if you ever got hurt..."

"W-what?" She was blushing "...Do you really mean that?"

"...Well, yeah" I said awkwardly.

She wouldn't meet my gaze and glared off to the side, crossing her arms,

"I still want to be a pilot though..." she muttered

Ryoko's cell phone began to ring

Why don't I have a cell phone?

"...Yes, he's with me... Oh my goodness! ...I see" she snapped her cell closed.

She had a deadly look of seriousness on her face,

"Kyon-kun, there's an emergency, we gotta go now!"

I sighed in frustration, damn it all.

"What's going on? Is it another monster?" Haruhi asked excitedly

Ryoko quickly packed up her lunch, became frustrated with my slowness and packed mine up too,

"I can't tell you, just get to a shelter okay?"

"...fine" Haruhi grumbled, packing up her lunch as well.

"B-be safe, Kyon-kun..." Mikuru said softly.

She's so sweet!

Ryoko turned away from us and shouted,

"Miss Tsuruya!"

"Nyoro~?"

"I have to go, You're in charge until I get back, so make sure everyone gets to a shelter just like we practiced, okay?"

"Okies!"

You're putting Tsuruya in charge?

Why did they even bother to bring in Ayanami and Ryoko if my Eva is the only one functioning properly? It's kind of pointless for them to be here if I'm the only one who can pilot at the moment.

So there I was, sitting in the cockpit of the Eva, hiding behind a large building and waiting for Misato to give the go ahead to engage. I hadn't gotten a very good look at the angel yet, but from the passing glance I was afforded, I could tell it looked very different than that first one. Where the first one was humanoid, this one was more like some kind of crab, and shaped a bit like something I'd rather not say...

"Alright Kyon-kun, this is it, are you ready?" Misato asked,

I yawned, and hefted an enormous minigun, I'd say an Eva size minigun is overkill, but is there really any reason to point this stuff out anymore?

"Yep"

"Alright fire!"

I jumped out of cover and unleashed a massive barrage on the angel, it didn't seem to have much of an effect other than covering my target with a cloud of smoke. Ugh... I'm starting to see a pattern here...

Wait... I've seen enough TV shows to know this is the part where I should get the hell out of-

The angel's energy whips lashed out of the cloud and- wait energy whips? Oh come on! Are you serious?

I tried to use the minigun as a shield, but it was cut in half as I was flung backwards through a building.

"Kyon-kun! We're sending you the spare rifle, get it now!"

I got up quickly and dodged more energy whips. This angel was tearing up the city like the buildings were just paper!

I saw another building pop up like in the last fight and grabbed a pallet rifle, taking cover as the Angel chased me. Just what do I have to do to kill this thing?

I ran from building to building, firing as I hid behind them, only to have to jump out again as the angel destroyed it. This just seems so hopeless! I popped out of cover once more only to have one of those whips grab the Eva by the ankle and toss me far away.

"Power cut! Switching to internal batteries, He's got five minutes!"

Oh for the love of god!

"Not cool!" I screamed as I flew away and landed on a nearby mountain.

I could hear Misato say something,

"What? Two of Kyon's class-mates? Kyon, don't move!"

Easy for you to say when I'm the one having to watch this crab monster float towards me!

And what classmates? I looked down to see two girls cowering between the Eva's massive fingers.

Haruhi and Mikuru? I almost smashed them flat!

"Kyon-kun, you have to let them in!"

I grabbed another whip with the Eva's free hand as it lashed towards me.

Dammit this burns!

I could feel the entry plug move out and I heard Misato's voice,

"Hey you two, get in right now if you want to live!"

There was a splash as Haruhi and Mikuru jumped in.

"Oh no the c-camera!"

"Oh my gosh! This is so freakin cool!"

Don't scream in my ear!

"Am... am i b-breathing water?"

"Kyon-kun, I want you to retreat immediately!" Misato ordered.

"Got it!" i said, taking both whips in my hands and shoving the Angel far away.

I got up and was about to make a mad dash for a nearby launch tube, when the Eva suddenly lurched sideways. What the hell?

"Wow! I'm controlling this too!" Haruhi screamed excitedly.

We're all doomed...

"Kyon what are you doing? I said retreat!" Misato screamed over the video link.

"I'm trying!"

The Eva moved to the right, and then to the left, almost tripping.

"Dammit Haruhi, knock it off!" I screamed.

"P-please get us out of here Kyon-kun!" Mikuru wept.

"No way! You're a hero, and heroes never fall back!" Haruhi said in a matter-of-fact tone.

You haven't changed at all!

"Dammit Haruhi, there's barely enough power to escape as it is!"

"Does this thing have some kind of combat knife or anything?" she asked, completely ignoring me.

What kind of question is that?

The Eva reached up into those shoulder pylon things and grabbed a knife. This thing has a knife?

"Progressive knife deployed!" I heard Mister Aoba say,

"Kyon what the hell are you doing?" Misato asked me,

"I'm sorry, she's overpowering me!"

"That stupid girl..." Misato grumbled

"Come on Kyon, let's kill it!" Haruhi said.

Again, I can hear you just fine, stop yelling in my ear!

It was obvious that I was going to have to give in to Haruhi's will... for the millionth time. There's just no way I could have made it back to the launch tube in time, and the angel was right at the bottom of the mountain. If we killed it now, we wouldn't have to worry about it tearing us apart when the Eva ran out of power.

"One minute left!" Miss Ibuki shouted.

That was all the encouragement Haruhi needed to finally show her complete lack of sanity.

"Kiiiiiyyyyaaaaa!" she let loose an earsplitting war-cry as Mikuru... well, she just screamed.

Dammit I'm going to need a hearing aid after this!

The Eva jumped down the base of the mountain and started sliding towards the angel. Is this even possible? Never mind, Haruhi's involved...

both of us gasped as two more whips pierced the Eva through the abdomen and the chest simultaneously.

"It... It hurts K-Kyon-kun!" Mikuru was sobbing uncontrollably. She can feel it too? That is just unacceptable!

Haruhi grabbed onto the butterfly controls and slashed two parallel lines vertically across the angel's core.

"Kiiiiiyyyyyaaaa!" she let loose another war-cry as she turned the knife sideways and stabbed it into the center of the core, making a large capitol H. Farewell hearing... I knew thee well...

Suddenly it was over, the angel disintegrated into nothing at all.

"Heheheh... owned!" Haruhi chuckled.

A rescue team came immediately and carried the Eva off to the launch tube, which caused Mikuru to grab hold of my face and scream herself hoarse as the heavy G-forces took effect.

"This is fun!" Haruhi yelled during the descent.

It most certainly is not fun!

We were in the holding cages now, and I was holding onto Mikuru who was crying uncontrollably and clutching her gut. Haruhi however, was running around in a fangirlish frenzy taking in the sights.

I ignored her for the time being,

"Mikuru, are you alright?" I asked, seriously concerned.

"I-I don't know!" she was sobbing even harder.

"You two!" It was Misato, she was pissed, "Do you know what you two have done? I could have both of you shot for interfering with NERV operations!"

You wouldn't!

Doctor Akagi and a handful of section two agents filed into the room next.

"I'm so s-sorry miss! I really wanted to r-run away like you s-said! I really did!"

"What's your problem? The monster was defeated! You should be grateful!" Haruhi said in her defense. She did have a point though, as much as I hate to admit it.

Misato's bi-polar temper showed as she grasped Haruhi by the collar of her school uniform.

"Grateful? You endangered Kyon's life! Did you even think about what would happen if you didn't destroy it? Did you?"

If Haruhi was afraid, she didn't show it.

"Misato! I take full responsibility for this, please just let them go!" I said. You owe me, Haruhi.

"I'm afraid I can't do that Kyon, at the very least I have to put them in a cell" she said sadly.

"No, let them go" It was the commander! He was in that opening from when I first met him.

"C-commander?" Misato stuttered.

My 'uncle' raised his lips in a wicked smile. I could tell, even then, that I shouldn't be happy about this at all.

"They're just little girls, captain, they don't have the faintest grasp of the situation"

"Little girls? I dare you to come down here and say that to my face!" Haruhi said, baring a fist at him.

Dammit Haruhi, have you no shame?

"Make me" he said childishly, sticking out his tongue.

...That just didn't suit the commander at all.

"But they interfered with the operation! We could have been put in serious danger!"

"Are you arguing with a superior, Katsuragi?"

"...No sir"

"Very well, however put Kyon in a cell"

What? what the FUCK did I do?

"Sir? You can't be serious!"

"I am. Kyon is an experienced pilot, and shouldn't have succumbed to the will of two little girls so easily."

"B-but I didn't w-w-want to fight, s-sir!" Poor Mikuru...

"Alright... one little girl, even worse"

"What is that supposed to mean?" Haruhi asked angrily

"I'm not going to argue with children, have security take them home"

Haruhi was shouting obscenities as a group of men in black grabbed her by the arms and started dragging her off.

"Misato" I said quietly as they surrounded Mikuru,

"Yes?" she looked sad and angry at the same time.

"Will you please have someone take a look at Mikuru? I think she's hurt"

Mikuru was on her knees, sobbing quietly and still holding her stomach.

"I see what you mean" she said, turning to Doctor Akagi, "Ritsuko, would you take a look at her before she leaves?"

She's a medical doctor too?

Doctor Akagi sighed, "Alright" she walked over to Mikuru and extended her hand, smiling warmly, "It's okay sweetheart, let me have a look at you. It's probably just sympathy pains, so don't worry."

Mikuru quietly nodded and shakily brought herself up with the doctor's help.

As I watched them walk away, I was surrounded by the remaining section two agents.

I sighed, "Can I at least get a shower and change first?"

"Fair enough, You've got five minutes" said a faceless agent.

Have I ever mentioned how much I really, really hate this world?

A/N: well that got kind of dark, but that's Evangelion for you. Be ready for some darker moments as well.

Poor Mikuru :(

So were the reactions believable? Other than Gendo's random childish antics, I thought of that while I was writing and had to add it, made me lol. Anyway, I'd like to say thanks for the reviews and favorites so far, you guys are great! But constructive criticism is still appreciated if you have any. This is fun to write.

I guess i really don't have much to say about this.

Until next time guys,

xXThe Mirror Tells Me LIESXx

P.S.

When the hell are they going to make a season three of Haruhi? I'm freaking out man!

Lol, I was listening to Castlevania meets metal and I thought of this on the spot. I was also vaguelly remembering an episode of Rocko's modern life at the time as well.

Omake:

Kyonvania:

"Let's kick Dracula's ass! YEAH!" Haruhi screamed as the five of us charged across the bridge leading to Dracula's castle.

"I concur!" Koizumi agreed.

Sigh, how do I keep getting into these situations?

I don't even know how we managed to get to Transylvania, hell I didn't even know there was a Transylvania!

Haruhi kicked down the door with a maniacal grin, yes she kicked down the door, the door that was big enough to fit two pickup trucks comfortably, side by side. Don't question it, you'll retain sanity longer.

We charged through the castle, that I might add, was completely silent.

"This way" Nagato said, brandishing her torch and pointing to a cellar door.

"Good work Yuki-chan! One million points go to you!" Haruhi congratulated, administering useless arbitrary points again.

We charged down the the cellar stairs, hefting swords, stakes, and in Miss Asahina's case, a crucifix.

We finally made it to the bottom of the staircase and found a lone coffin in the center of the room.

Haruhi stared at it like it was the lost treasure of Atlantis, or something like that, then grinned a very evil grin.

"...This is it... After this, the SOS brigade will forever be known as the people who single-handedly stopped Dracula's reign of terror!"

If Dracula even was a real person, he'd be long dead by now! Have you been listening to a single word I've said since this trip, or say, ever?

Haruhi kicked the coffin open and brought her hammer and stake to bare, only to find a skeleton.

"What? ...No! No! No! No! No!" Haruhi screamed, and began to sink back into another melancholy state.

Koizumi inspected the bones carefully, and then did that thing with his finger that he does when he's thinking really hard. Have I ever mentioned that seeing him do that makes me want to deck him? It really does.

"Hmm... Aha! I've got it all figured out!"

"Really Koizumi-kun? ...What did you figure out?" Haruhi asked, tears welling in her eyes.

"It appears that vampires have been done to death!"

"...I could have told you that!" I yelled angrily.

"I'm sure you could have" Koizumi said in a smart-ass tone.

I decked him.

THE END


	7. Chapter 7

(A/N: I can't believe I've actually got this far, I mean I said I was putting every effort into finishing this, but wow.

So remember how I said Shinji Ikari isn't in this? ...Well I lied, well I didn't actually lie so much as I changed my mind. He's definitely involved in things, but probably not in any way you might think.

lol Rei and Ryoko crack me up.

Did you still think this one was dead? I know I'm slow, sorry guys.)

Chapter Six:

You are (not) alone

This is getting ridiculous

-Kyon

I lay on an uncomfortable bunk, staring at the bottom of the top bunk. The more i thought about what Haruhi had said, the more sense it made, in her own weird way. They really should be more grateful to me, I defeated the angel, which is technically our top priority, but what do I get in return? Thrown in the slammer. It was dark in there, with only some very dim red lights that didn't illuminate so much as created a creepy atmosphere, there weren't any bars or a window either, oh no that might give me something to look at. I was in a room, completely closed off except for one locked sliding door.

Part of me wants to strangle Haruhi, and another part of me forgives her, Haruhi is Haruhi after all. I really should have seen this coming a mile away, to be honest.

"I hope Mikuru is okay..." I said to no one in particular.

"The cute one, right?" said a mysterious voice, "Let me check... yep, she'll be fine. She's just really sensitive"

"Yeah, that sounds like- wait a minute! Who are you? I know for a fact that I was alone when they threw me in here!"

"...You are alone, technically."

There was a rustling in the bunk above and the head of a young boy with blue eyes popped out to look at me.

"My name is Shinji Ikari, nice to meet you" he said politely

"Are we related?" I asked.

"We're not so much related as we are the same person"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, do you ever wonder why you're here?"

I was asking myself that long before the universes merged.

"Yeah, what do you know?"

"Well... that's kind of my fault" he said with a hint of shame in his voice

"You son of a bitch!"

I grabbed Shinji by the head and yanked him down, causing him to land on the floor,

"Ow... well that wasn't very nice"

I put my foot on his throat and said,

"Do you have any idea how much pain you've caused me?"

A very dark look came over Shinji's face,

"You don't know what pain is... you should be thankful that I've changed things around as much as I did. But if you're going to hurt me, go ahead. There's no amount of pain you can bring me that I haven't already known"

I sighed and took my foot off of him,

"Why? Why did you do all this, and better yet, how?"

Shinji sat up on the floor and quietly fiddled with his thumbs,

"I can't really explain, but I can tell you a few things, if you would like to hear"

I sat down and crossed my arms,

"Alright, I'm listening"

"I've been through everything you've gone through, and will go through with slight variations. This universe is stuck in an endless recursion of time, and I need you to end it"

I started to pity him, I remember when I was stuck in an endless recursion of time... well kind of.

"Before you go on, did you try doing your homework?"

Shinji chuckled as if he had just heard an amusing joke,

"I wish it were that simple! If I could remember the loops in my physical form I might have tried that"

"So... are you a god?"

"Not exactly, I can effect things in this world though, much like Suzumiya, she's been depowered somewhat by the way"

"What do you mean?" I asked

"Well she can only make small effects in the world around us, do you remember today when she said ' I wish i was a pilot'?

Please don't use finger quotes.

"Yeah?"

"Well funny thing about that, shamshel wasn't supposed to show up for a few more days..."

"Shamshel?" What, these things actually have names?

"Yep, my father is scared out of his mind!" He laughed maniacally, thrashing around on the floor, I believe the correct term is 'ROFL'

He slowly recovered and wiped a tear from his eye,

"Oh god, that made my day. I know he'd never show it, but he about pissed himself when they got the angel alert"

"Are these things scheduled?"

An 'uh-oh look came over Shinji's face, "I've told you too much as it is, just forget I said that"

"Well it sounds like something I need to know!"

"Trust me, the less you know right now, the better"

"Well is there anything you came to tell me at all, or are you just going to be cryptic?"

"Cryptic, mostly. There are things I'll reveal to you on a later date"

Wonderful...

"Just keep Suzumiya alive, that's very important" he got up and began to walk away, "I hope you learn to appreciate her, despite her misgivings, she's a very good person, which is a rarity around here"

I know Haruhi is a good person! What is that supposed to mean?

"I gotta go, nice chatting with you"

That's it, you won't even tell me why I'm here?

He dissolved out of existence with his back turned to me.

Confusion seems to be a popular feeling for me these days...

A few minutes later, I was laying on the bunk again, thinking about what he said,

Keep Haruhi alive? I almost squished her earlier, I need to be much more careful. But how would I feel if something like that happened? I already told her I didn't know what I'd do if she got hurt... It really hurt to think about that, I can't really explain it, but if she were to die, It would feel like a very bright candle in the universe was snuffed out. I know I bitch an awful lot about her, but I do care about her. ...And I just care about her okay? Don't start thinking I'm head over heels for her or anything, because I'm not!

The sliding door opened to reveal Misato,

"Come on Kyon-kun, let's go home"

I walked in, took my shoes off as usual, and sat down at the table.

"Kyon-kun... I'm sorry about what happened, but why did you let Haruhi overpower you?" was the first thing out of Misato's mouth as she got a few microwave meals out of the freezer.

I sighed, where to begin? Without telling her everything, of course.

"She's a strong girl, Misato, and it seemed like the best option anyway"

She gave me an angry look, "As you're commanding officer, I disagree"

"I know that Misato, it just seemed like the best option at the time, I'm sorry"

"Maybe you shouldn't hang around that Suzumiya girl anymore... she's obviously deranged"

I stood up, and began to leave. I'm the only one who can badmouth Haruhi like that,

"Haruhi is Haruhi" I said simply as i left,

"You talk like you've known her for a while, do you have a crush on her?" Misato teased.

Bipolar much?

"It's not like that!" I said as I continued to my room,

"So you're not going to eat? I won't tease... too much"

I stopped dead in my tracks as my stomach growled,

Stay and endure Misato's teasing, or go to bed hungry?

Damn you stomach!

After a mediocre microwave dinner and a side of merciless teasing over something that is NOT true, i went to bed, exhausted.

I was in my old universe again, I must have unkowingly fixed everything! I walked through the halls of north high and headed towards the brigade clubroom, which may I add, I missed so, so much. Something didn't feel right however...

I opened the door only to have a ton of rose petals fly across my face.

What?

I saw Koizumi, Taniguchi and kunikida standing at attention, when they noticed me, Koizumi spoke.

"Ah, welcome to the north high host club!" he said flamboyantly as sparkles... uh, sparkled around him.

"Host club?"

Koizumi walked towards me with a very weird look in his eyes.

"Yes! A host club, isn't it marvelous? So good sir, it seems you have some unconventional tastes, but not to worry! We at the North high host club do not discriminate!"

"I'm confused... have I somehow walked into another plane of existence?" I asked, wearing a WTF face. I did not like the look Koizumi was giving me.

He spun around, accented with a gust of rose petals... i think I'm going to be sick.

"Perhaps you have died and... gone to heaven?" he asked with a flick of the wrist and a raised brow.

Seriously stop that!

"So what kind of host do you prefer?" he pointed to Kunikida and Tanaguchi, "...Whatever they are, or me?" he asked, accenting "me" with more sparkles.

Again, WHAT?

His face hovered inches away from mine and...

I woke up screaming in a cold sweat.

You can just go to hell, Freud!

For a moment, I thought I may have heard Shinji laughing in the distance, but I disregarded it and looked over to my clock, it was just minutes before the alarm would go off. Well, I'm not going back to sleep and risking anymore weird dreams...

I walked through the school gates to be met with the frightened form of Mikuru on my arm,

"Mikuru? I was worried about you, are you feeling better?"

She blushed and stuttered out, oh god... so cute!

"Th-thank you, I'm okay, but H-Haruhi and Miss Ikari are f-fighting! Please stop them!"

Mikuru grabbed my hand and guided me through the school yard.

Cute girl... holding hand... anymore of this and I'll risk a moe overload!

"You could have got my Kyon-kun killed, you crazy bitch!"

"Oh your Kyon-kun? He's obviously more into me, you blue haired freak!"

"You take that back!"

"Never!"

"Psychopath!"

"Blue bush!"

"I knew it!" Somebody in the crowd cried, I think he might have won a bet or something.

I have no comment on this...

I saw Haruhi and Ryoko rolling around on the ground, pounding the crap out of each other and pulling each other's hair. Is it wrong to be slightly aroused by this?

"Fight, fight, fight!" the crowd around them chanted.

I sighed, it has and always will be up to me to placate Haruhi. What does she even want with me? I'm not even remotely interesting!

I got in between them and... that sounds wrong, let me rephrase that.

I ran over to the two fighting girls and positioned myself as barricade between them, placing my forearms across both of them to keep them apart. This turned out to be a mistake as I felt myself slowly being crushed while they pressed harder to get at each other.

"Both of you are friends dammit! Cut it out!"

"She called me blue bush!"

"She called me a psycho!"

I think both those statements might be true, not that I'm thinking about what's under Ryoko's skirt or anything!

The pressure on Ryoko's side was released as-

"There is nothing wrong with blue pubic hair" Ayanami stated as she held Ryoko from behind

"Miss Ayanami! Don't talk about those kind of things!"

"I do not understand"

...yeah, so anyway I only had Haruhi to deal with now, which is probably for the best.

I grabbed onto both her shoulders and said,

"Why are you two fighting?"

she tried to get out of my grip to beat up Ryoko some more,

"I don't know, why don't you ask captain blue bush over there!"

"Ryoko Ikari is a pilot, not a captain, Suzumiya" Ayanami corrected

"Ayanami will you shutup?" Ryoko screamed, "She could have got you killed, Kyon-kun! All i did was tell her so!"

"And then she bitch slapped me!" Haruhi screamed back, trying to tear through me.

I looked Haruhi in the eye, "Haruhi, listen, I'm glad we killed the angel, but DON'T EVER DO THAT AGAIN!"

Tears welled in Haruhi's eyes as she pushed me away and ran off.

I guess this Haruhi is different after all

Haruhi was nowhere to be found at lunch either, but surprisingly, Ayanami joined us.

"Miss Ayanami? Is there something you want to tell us?" I asked

"Suzumiya has taken my spot" she said simply.

I guess I'd better go talk to her.

I thought i heard Ayanami mutter "There's nothing wrong with blue pubic hair..."

And I could have sworn i heard Shinji laughing again. Has the absurdity finally gotten to my head?

I found Haruhi sitting under a tree, sulking and i sat down to join her.

"Listen, Haruhi, I'm sorry I yelled at you"

She didn't say anything.

"Haruhi?"

"...I guess I kind of deserved it"

Haruhi admitting she was wrong? Has the world come to an end?

I'm not sure why I did it, but I wrapped an arm around her,

"Look on the bright side, the angel was defeated, and you got to see the inside of NERV. So it's not all bad"

"K-kyon!" she must have been shocked that I'd actually hug her, to be honest I was too. I think the Haruhi of my world would have bitten through my arm by now.

"I got Mikuru hurt, I didn't want that, and you know I wouldn't want you hurt either, right?"

I do seem to remember being punched in the face and maybe exploding a few times in my old world, but I knew she'd never want me seriously hurt... despite exploding.

"I forgive you, so will you make up with Ryoko?"

"S-sure... could you please take your arm off me now?" She asked, blushing.

Now I'm sure most of you think I'm clueless to this sort of thing, but this is pretty obvious don't you think? I don't like her! Shut up! Haruhi is Haruhi!

They made up at our usual picnic table and we put all this ugliness behind us, at least I had thought.

Later that day, I came home to Misato cooking furiously at the stove.

"Tadaima" i said, taking my shoes off at the door and taking a whiff of the horrible substance that dared to call itself food.

"Misato, what the hell? Are you cooking a three day old dead rat?" i asked before putting my schoolbag on the table and walking over to the stove to get a closer look at this monstrosity.

"Oh heheh, I guess I never was good at cooking!" she said cheerfully.

"Why are you making something on the stove anyway? Don't you usually just throw something in the microwave?" I asked, taking the pans off the stove and throwing the food out, I had no idea what it was supposed to be, but there was no way in hell that I was going to eat it.

"Ritsuko's coming over tonight to see how well I'm taking care of you, so I thought I'd make dinner"

Well you failed spectacularly...

"Umm... is there any chance you know how to cook?" she asked, watching me scrape little crunchy black things off the pan that I assumed were incinerated grains of rice. At least I hope they were...

I sighed deeply, "No not really... can we just order out?"

"Sure! That's sounds like a great idea!"

Later that night, Doctor Akagi ate soba noodles and sushi with us. Her personality flip really surprised me, she was warm and friendly. Why is it that I seem to attract the attention of bi-polar women?

"Well I'm impressed! Kyon-kun, how do you manage to keep your sanity living with a complete slob?"

Misato was giving the doctor a death glare from across the table.

"Eh, I've been through worse"

And that's the sad truth, living with Misato wasn't nearly as bad as having to pick up after Haruhi's psychological/metaphysical/whatever the hell it is messes.

"I'll have you know we take turns cleaning up! I'm very responsible when it comes to kids!"

What? you usually just come up with an excuse and shove it off onto me! I'm starting to wonder if you just go to work early to avoid cleaning duty...

"Well I hate to admit it, but Misato does seem to be taking good care of you, Kyon-kun. I favor to ask you by the way" The blonde asked me. I wonder if that's her real hair color? Wait, I see shades of blue, green, brown and even red on a daily basis, so why is blonde so unusual? Speaking of red, in the next month I will have learned to hate that color with a passion.

"Sure what is it?" I asked, putting away my plate.

She withdrew three cards from her purse, "These are Ayanami and Ryoko's renewal ID's and your official one, would you mind dropping them off tomorrow?"

I took all three and said, "Sure, but why didn't you take of it?"

"I was going to but it slipped my mind, by the way, Ayanami has some tests tomorrow, so could you give it to her after school?"

"Yeah sure, where's she live?"

"The address is on the card"

Well I felt dumb.

I sat on the couch and flipped through the channels later that night after Doctor Akagi had left.

"But you ain't got no legs, lieutenant dan!"

"Yes forest, I know that!"

flip.

"So you wouldn't date her because she was a tickler? And you're not a stickler for a tickler?"

"Not a stickler for a tickler!"

"Stickler tickler stickler tickler stickler tickl-"

Yikes

"Lamont, you a dummy!"

flip

"Are you down with the clown, yo?"

I most certainly am not down with the clown.

Flip

"Now I'll show you what I already know" ...Hisssssss

this will do.

I wasn't really taking in the movie, it was called The Thing or something generic like that, some old American movie, What had my attention, oddly enough was Ayanami's card.

I laid on my back looking at it.

Rei Ayanami...

What is it about her that got my attention? Looks? I'll admit she's cute, but deep down I knew that wasn't it. The way she talks was strikingly similar to Nagato, but She most certainly wasn't Nagato, she was much taller for starters, and she didn't really seem to read unless she had to for school. And those red eyes, so strange! Which I find ironic, since strange is average for me. Is that irony? I'm not even sure what the correct definition of irony is.

"I know you gentlemen have been through a lot, but I'd rather not spend the rest of this winter TIED TO THIS FUCKING COUCH!"

For some reason i didn't feel to comfortable on the couch and decided to go to bed, I decided I'd ask Haruhi to show me how to get to Ayanami's since I was sure she was familiar with the city.

I'd later regret that decision.

A/N finally! It took me forever to figure this scene out! I now understand why people give up on this crossover! It's easy to come up with plot, but every little scene is difficult as fuck! Don't worry I'm still chugging along with this like the little engine that could! Hahaha! BTW if you'd be so kind, I have a few more stories on this site now for Haruhi, so would you review them? If you don't mind that is.

So what did you think of this chapter? Any thoughts? Corrections? How about a flame? Lol anything at all?

I'll continue working on this, so until next time guys,

xXThe Mirror Tells Me LIESXx

Here's an Omake for the time being:

Omake:

What would Shinji Ikari do?

this is a songfic parody of "what would Brian boitono do?" I think the southpark guys own that song, I don't know, whatever the case happens to be, I don't own, mmkay?

Shinji! Run!

Shinji! Run!

Shinji! Run!

Shinji! Run!

What would Shinji Ikari do if he was here right now?

He'd scream and cry until his face went blue! That's what Shinji Ikari'd do!

Shinji! Run!

Shinji! cry!

When shinji Ikari was in Evangelion, seeking Gendo's praise

he took his knife and swung it round' making the angels fillets!

When Zereul was in town smashing everything to spare

Shinji used his magical running shoes and left the people there!

Shinji! Run!

Shinji! cry!

So what would Shinji Ikari do if he was here today?

I'm sure he'd run away from you!

That's what Shinji Ikari'd do!

Shinji! Run!

Shinji! cry!

When Shinji Ikari was up against angel number ten

he ran away like a little girl and screwed us all again!

When Shinji Ikari came to school he got beat up by Touji-San!

Cuz' Shinji Ikari does take shit from everybody!

No Shinji, those chicken wings are really spicy! Don't eat those!

I never seen a man run from spicy chicken wings!

I never seen a man run from spicy chicken wings!

I never seen a man run from spicy chicken wings!

AHHHAHHH!

I NEVER SEEN A MAN RUN FROM SPICY CHICKEN WINGS!

AHHHAHHH!

I NEVER SEEN A MAN RUN FROM SPICY CHICKEN WINGS!

AHHHAHHH!

I NEVER SEEN A MAN RUN FROM SPICY CHICKEN WINGS!

AHHHAHHH!

I NEVER SEEN A MAN RUN FROM SPICY CHICKEN WINGS!

Shinji! Run!

Shinji! cry!

Shinji Ikari was born in some town where he had no luck

He came here to save us all from third impact and stuff!

Hydeeho hydeelay! Shinji Ikari's here!

So bring up Asuka's stretcher

cuz' now he's got no fear!

Say come over here my lovely

and I'm gonna pull down my pants

and I'm gonna jiz all over you!

Cuz' that's what Shinji Ikari'd do!

Cuz' that's what Shinji Ikari'd do!

A/N: I wrote that a looonggg time ago, If you haven't heard of the infamous hospital scene in eva then I guess that it won't make much sense to you. I thought it was funny anyway.


	8. Chapter 8

_A/N: Hey guys, it's been a while, hasn't it? I apologize, things have been a little rough lately, and I haven't been hanging out with my friends as much as I'd like. But I think I've made up for that by the sheer numbers of chapters I've been writing, I hope you like them, and thanks for waiting so long. Another thing I wish to apologize for, I've been terrible with things like punctuation and grammar, not to mention my spelling has been awful, I'm usually pretty good with that stuff, I don't know what happened there. Anyway, those kinds of mistakes are a thing of the past... I hope. I've been doing some very careful prereading, not too mention I've had a hell of a while to do so, so hopefully reading this shouldn't be a pain for you guys. _

_I've also noticed in these next few chapters that characters are way out of character, especially Haruhi. I suck at keeping characters in character, I'm sorry. _

_**Stop apologizing baka! Baka baka baka baka baka! You make me sick, with your... uh, stupidness! Is that a word? I dunno, I felt it. How's my Asuka impression, eh?**_

_Shinji, get out of my author's notes! If you keep breaking the fourth wall, the fictional universe will collapse in on itself like a nuetron star! Also, that was a horrible impression, Asuka doesn't throw out insults _that_ much._

_**Bla bla bla! You're boring, I'm gonna go bug Kyon!**_

_Well good, that means you're leaving!_

_...Ahem, so anyway, I've already explained why characters may be a little out of character before, so I guess it's fine. _

_Anyway this is really just a small filler chapter, working my way up to the battle with Ramiel and giving Rei some more screen time, I think that term works for fanfiction. Did you catch all the TV references last chapter? If you got em all, thumbs up(I don't own them). Still not completely sure where this story is going, but the story still wants to be told, so let's find out together, shall we? _

_By the way, thanks for all the reviews and favorites so far, it really makes my day. _

_I guess I have been negligent to say, I don't own any references to other anime, music, movies or anything like that, so yeah, just thought I'd say that._

_So a few things that need addressed:_

_All of Shinji's classmates I/E Rei, Asuka, Etc. are around Kyon and Haruhi's age. I can't really have Kyon point this fact out as he would have no idea, so just imagine them slightly more grown than they are in cannon._

_As Mo Eazy pointed out, There is not enough explosive dialogue/drama between Haruhi and Kyon, and Kyon does need to realize he is a child soldier, Thank you for pointing that out Mo Eazy, but don't worry, it's coming. What would an Eva or Eva crossover story be without some form of soul crushing trauma? Lol, anyway I plan to make things get darker here and there. I have a few... (sharp intake of breath) **horrible!** things waiting for our protagonists in later chapters. _

_As always, constructive critisicm is appreciated._

_One last thng that I must confess, I did say that I couldn't stand lucky star in an earlier chapter... I take that back, I gave it another chance, after surviving the incredible grueling first few episodes, I have found the show is actually quite enjoyable. The characters are incredibly adorable and very funny. Also the colors are pretty. So very pretty, that is all. I thought I'd say that in case you've seen some of my reviews for Lucky Star fics and thought that might of looked strange_

_And here is the first of a cubic butt load of chapters I have written in my time away from you, beautiful readers of , enjoy:_

_**Chapter Eight:**_

_**I Mustn't Run Away**_

_It's best for silent people to remain silent._

_-Kyon_

It was raining all day, so I ate inside with Haruhi and the others, which was fine by me. I guess at this point, I really didn't care one way or the other. I sat quietly and ate while I watched the dreary gray tempest outside, Haruhi and Ryoko were blabbing about some TV show and Mikuru was working on her homework. The dim light coming from outside gave the classroom a deppressing, colorless feel, very similiar to closed space. It was one of those bland days that make you question why you even bothered to wake up that particular morning.

I pushed my tray away half eaten, catching the attention of Haruhi, whose desk was lined up in front of mine,

"You look sad today Kyon, what's wrong?" she asked, staring at me and trying to transfer cheerfullness into me, at least I hope that's what she was doing.

I pulled my wallet out and handed my NERV access card to her,

"Just one of those blah days, you know? Here play with this"

Haruhi grabbed it immedietly with an excited 'Ooh!' showing it to Mikuru, who's desk had been moved next to her's. I turned to Ryoko, and handed her card To her as well,

"Doctor Akagi wanted me to give this to you" I said plainly before she offered her thanks.

I turned to Haruhi again and asked,

"Hey, how well do you know this city?"

She looked up from my card with stars in her eyes, eager to help,

"Really well! Like the back of my hand, why?"

"I was wondering if you could help me find Ayanami's apartment after school, do you mind?"

She smiled that million watt smile that I knew all too well,

"Absolutely! I tracked her down last year to get information on NERV," she then frowned, "But she just stonewalled me, even slammed the door in my face!"

Haruhi was stalking people for information, that's really not surprising at all. Should I be relieved or worried? I know I'm definitely going to need to keep a tight leash on her either way, for her own sake.

"You really shouldn't be badgering pilots for info, you know. You can get in alot of trouble with NERV that way" Ryoko warned, only to be ignored.

She's already in enough trouble as it is...

I hadn't really noticed, but for the last few minutes, the sun had been breaking out of it's dull prison, causing the classroom to brighten to a warm orange temperment. Can she effect the weather too? Looking back, the weather did seem to have a habit of syncing up with her moods.

After school, I walked down the street with Haruhi as the rain began to fade away, after Tsuruya agreed to walk Mikuru home. Apparently they lived in the same apartment complex, which I thought was strange, since in the old world, I had the impression that Tsuruya was the heiress to a rich, possibly Yakuza family.

"What gave you the idea that Tsuruya was rich? Her parents work for NERV like everyone else's" Haruhi said, looking at me strangely.

"I don't know where you got the idea she was a Yakuza heiress either, maybe Ryoko was right about the Eva scrambling your brains, have you had any tests lately, maybe a brain scan?"

Dammit no! But what can you expect when I'm the only one who remembers the old world?

"I'm fine, Haruhi" I said in an annoyed tone, I'm really getting sick of that question.

"Why are you so grouchy?" She asked in an annoyed tone.

I ignored her as I took in my surroundings, this place was awful! We were outside a large, rundown apartment complex, trash lay all around the sidewalk. Seriously? You'd think in a city where buildings pop out of the freaking ground that they'd be able to afford housing that was remotely... livable.

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure Ayanami lives in this one" Haruhi said, walking up to the entrance to the very worst building on the block.

Seriously this place is disgusting!

I took in more of my suroundings as we walked up a flight of filthy stairs, there were stains on nearly every step, come on, you have to be trying to make it this horrible! Was that a blood stain? I think that was a bloodstain. What kind of maniac would put a teenage girl in this hellhole?

"I feel really bad for Ayanami... you'd think they'd give a pilot better living conditions, I mean, look at this place!"

My thoughts exactly, let's just get in and get out, I think I'm going to be sick.

Haruhi found the the door marked with the same number on the card and knocked, causing the door to crack open.

The lock is shit too? this is just too much!

"Ugh! This is just awful! It just makes me want to march all the way down to the nearest NERV building and give them a piece of my mind!"

To tell the truth, I had been considering the exact same thing, but if I know Haruhi, and I do, her idea of a piece of mind would end disastorously.

And with that, Haruhi, being who I knew her to be, simply walked in, uncaring for Ayanami's right to privacy. I tried to grab her by the arm, but she was already inside.

"Haruhi, what do you think you're doing?" I followed her inside, knowing she wouldn't listen to me anyway, "At least take your shoes-"

I looked around the apartment, taking in the horrors of chaos. Remember how I said Misato's apartment was a swirling nexus of discord when I first moved in? I take it back, Comparing Misato's apartment in it's original form and Ayanami's place right now is like comparing a public restroom to an oil spill. There were trashcans overflowing with bloody bandages and mail scattered about everywhere, Kronos and the other titans had originated in choas, but I bet even they wouldn't step foot in this place!

"Nevermind, I guess it really wouldn't matter, do you think she was robbed?"

Haruhi looked around the room,

"No, I think Ayanami's just a slob"

I hope so, but just from looking at Ayanami, you'd never know she was so messy, I guess you really can't judge a book by it's cover... god, I miss Nagato...

"You'd think that she'd pick up at least a little bit-"

Haruhi turned around and glared at me, it's always scary when she does that, Hell hath no fury like a woman's scorne!

"Don't be a sexist pig! Just because she's a girl doesn't mean she has to be a neatfreak! I'm a girl and I don't clean like mad!"

"I bet your house doesn't look like this, though"

She looked like she was about to say something but she stopped herself, lacking a good counter.

"Shutup Kyon..."

Without any better options, we called out for Ayanami,

"Miss Ayanami! Kyon has your new card! Miss Ayanami?" Haruhi called, walking around what I'm guessing was both the bedroom and the living room.

"I guess she's not here, maybe we should wait a while?" Haruhi said, sitting on Ayanami's tiny bed and bouncing up and down like a kid with ADD

"Don't sit on other people's furniture without asking, don't you have any manners?" I scolded, while I stood in the center of the room.

"Your not my dad! And besides, nobody's here, don't you think they'd want us to be comfortable while we wait?"

"Don't you think they wouldn't want us in their apartment while they're not here?"

She crossed her arms and pouted, still bouncing on the cheap matress,

"But we have to wait, you have to give her the card don't you?"

I scratched the back of my head,

"Well they didn't say it was urgent or anything..."

I jumped when I heard Ayanami's silky soft voice,

"What is not urgent?" She asked, standing in the other hallway, naked as the day she was born.

Oh god... nose bleed...

Haruhi, being Haruhi, latched on to the naked Ayanami, staring at her crotch.

This is the worst possible situation to have Haruhi in! ...or the best? Gah no! I'm not a pervert!

"Look Kyon, it **is** blue!"

Ayanami tilted her head to the side, confusion clearly illustrated on her face,

"I do not believe this is correct social behaviour, do you wish to become one with me, Suzumiya?"

I have never seen Haruhi's face get so red, I caught the blue haired enigma as Haruhi freaked out and pushed her into me,

"I'm not a lesbian!"

"Then you are a bi-sexual?" Ayanami asked, her soft, pale flesh pressed against my body... If I had spidey senses, they'd be tingling right now... not that anything else was!

Haruhi's face went another shade of red,

"Shutup! And get off him! Don't you have any shame?" she screamed as she pulled Ayanami off me and grabbed my hand.

Well aren't you the pot calling the kettle black? And you pushed her into me!

"Come on Kyon, let's leave!" she yelled, pulling me out the door,

"...Okay" I said blankly, my mind numb from the shock of the situation.

A raging tempest looked like it was about to rain down some doom as I walked Haruhi home, Her face looked like it was about to bust a vein.

"I can't believe that slut just threw herself at you! I thought Ayanami was a decent person! And what's with that _'Do you wish to become one with me?'_? Is she so desperate, she'd take anything that walks?"

Haruhi continued her rant while I recovered my cognitive faculties, what the hell hust happened?

"And to think that-" I cut her rant off with an explosive "Dammit! I forgot to give her the card!"

I grabbed it out of my pocket and began to head back, until Haruhi nearly tackled me to the ground.

"Oh hell no! I'm not going to let you walk back into that hornball's den!"

I sighed deeply, perhaps if I use a little bit of logic?

"You threw her into me" I said blandly, "That doesn't make her a slut, and besides, you were groping her-"

"**I am not a lesbian!**" she screamed at me, as thunder accented her shout.

Gee there's nothing freudian about this at all.

I raised my hands in a non-aggressive manner,

"I didn't say you were!"

I think that might of helped calm her down, this is one pandora's box I do **not **wantto open.

Haruhi turned her back to me as the storm seemed to let up slightly,

"Alright then..." she said quietly, then turned back to me with a glare, "So did you like it?"

"Like what?" I asked, raising a confused brow.

"Having her naked body pressed up against yours!" She spun around and gripped me by the collar of my shirt, "Admit it! I'm shocked you can still walk around after that!"

...No comment.

_Go with the flow._ You said that once, didn't you Haruhi?

"Listen, I'm not interested in Ayanami like that, okay?"

I think that was technially going against the flow, but it seemed to make her feel better, although the storm was still there.

Had I actually opened up a different Pandora's box?

"Kyon... I want to say something, but-"

She was cut off as Ayanami rushed over to us, fully clothed.

"There has been an emergency" she stated plainly as she ran off towards the nearest NERV entrance.

I turned slowly to meet Haruhi's gaze, she looked like Sephiroth for a moment, burning inside with violent anger,

"Listen, I'm really sorry, but I have to go, Okay?"

Haruhi took a deep breath, seeming to bury her anger deep inside, "Fine, just go"

I was about to run off until a thought occured, "Make sure you stay in the shelter this-"

bad idea, she cut me off immediately, "Just go!"

I ran off after Ayanami in fear.

I really did open Pandora's box, I was just trying to be nice by including her today, and I had literally brought down the thunder.

_A/N that got a little wierd eh? Well... Evangelion is wierd! But in a good way. I don't want to talk about this chapter much, it's kind of embarassing. But I just love that opening scene where Kyon hands Haruhi his access card and says"Here, play with this" as if she was a child. makes me lol everytime I read it. _

_Here's a late Christmas present, I hope you guys like Churuya!_

_I don't own the Adventures of Churuya-san either. I own nothing, can I stop doing disclaimers now?_

_**Omake:**_

_**The adventures of Churuya-san: Evangelion Edition**_

_**Part one: Gendo **_

Churuya had just got done with her sync test and was walking towards Gendo Ikari in her green plugsuit with an adorable smile on her chibified face(is that even a word? Lol)

"Commander! Hey commander!" she asked innocently,

Gendo Ikari turned around and regarded her coldly,

"What do you want?"

Churuya raised her stubby arms excitedly,

"Do you think Evas like smoked cheese?"

"No"

Churuya frowned,

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, now go away, I'm busy"

"Nyoron~" she said sadly

**Part Two: Asuka**

Churuya had just got home to Misato's apartment after a long day of school, but that didn't bother her, she happily walked in and took her shoes off, ready to make dinner for everyone.

Asuka had gotten home a few minutes later and carelessly flung her shoes off.

"Asuka-chan, Hey Asuka-chan!" Churuya called cheerfully.

The red head sighed and asked: "What?"

"I'm going to make dinner, do you like smoked cheese?"

Asuka looked at her blankly and said: "No, nobody likes smoked cheese you stupid midget, make something German"

Churuya, who only knew how to make smoked cheese, bowed her head in shame and walked to her room,

"Nyoron~"

**Part Three: Koaru**

Koaru Nagisa walked down the street to school, humming ode to joy with as little tone as possible in the morning sun. The ashen blonde, supposedly albino boy was met with a peculiar situation, Churuya ran up to him, waving her arms excitedly,

"Koaru-kun, Hey Koaru-kun!"

"Yes?" he asked blandly.

"I think you're super cute! Will you go out with me?"

The covert angel stared blankly at her and replied:

"I only love Shinji-kun"

Churuya's good mood evaporated,

"Nyoron~"

**Part Four: Rei**

One blue haired Rei Ayanami sat quietly in her seat during class, staring out the window, until Churuya poked her on the back,

"Ayanami-san! Hey Ayanami-san!"

Rei turned around and said nothing, regarding her with strict apathy,

"Ayanami-san?"

Still, Rei said nothing.

"You don't talk much, do you?" Churuya asked with a sad face.

The odd girl turned back to the window, ignoring the green haired Chibi.

"Nyoron~"

_A/N: Lol everyone is so mean to Churuya-san, even in the actual show! So how about this Omake? Did it do anything for you? A tickle? Anything at all? Should I make more of these? Is this even what an Omake is? Why am I asking you all this stuff? Readers! Hey readers! Do you like smoked cheese?_

_Magnificent _


	9. Chapter 9

_**Chapter Nine:**_

_**Angel of Thunder, Hear my Roar**_

"_just because you said "Don't worry" doesn't gaurantee anything worth worrying about wouldn't happen"_

_-Kyon _

"_Note to self, keep Haruhi __**far**__ away from other girls"_, that's what I was thinking as I ran to catchup with Ayanami, who despite appearances, is a very fast runner. I was out of breath by the time I made it to the nearest NERV entrance, just behind Ayanami who was trying to use her old card for access.

I ran her new card through the scanner and offered it to her,

"Here, I was trying to give this to you earlier-"

She snatched it out of my hand without a word and walked away, leaving me to wonder what goes on in her head. Did Haruhi piss her off? She wasn't particularly aggressive or anything, she just seemed annoyed.

Later we were on a very large escalator going down. I hate escalators, sure they're convenient, but I could probably walk down the stairs faster than this! After a few moments of silence, standing behind Ayanami, I worked up the courage to begin a conversation, which, looking back, was probably not a good idea.

"Uh... you said there was an emergency right? Shouldn't we be running down there?"

Ayanami kept her back to me and blankly stated "No" in that soft voice of hers.

"Well why not? Aren't there lives at stake?" I asked impatiently.

"It is not safe to run on an escalator... I know from expierience"

I'm not going to comment on that.

I awkwardly scratched the back of my head, nervous to speak after what happened earlier, which I'm going to try my best to forget about.

"Uh... hey, I'm really sorry about earlier"

"For what?"

"Well for... you know... Haruhi. She's like that, I really should have seen that coming and I apologize for any discomfort you might have had"

whoo! that was a mouthful! But out of all the things she could have said, the next words that came out of her mouth blew me away.

"...Speak for yourself"

Too shocked... for sarcastic retort...

"Uh... yeah... so anyway, if it's all the same to you, let's never talk about this again, okay?"

"Agreed"

So I stood there quietly, waiting for the escalator, which was slow as **HELL,** to finally take us deeper into NERV. I struck up another conversation to forget about earlier,

"So... do you like being a pilot?" I asked awkwardly

"It is my life" She replied quietly. There's definetly something wrong with this girl.

"Oh... well don't you ever worry about dying? I mean, things get pretty wild out there"

"I find it hypocritical for you to ask me that, as you let Suzumiya overpower you during the last battle, risk the fate of mankind, and you pretend nothing ever happened"

Hey, I tried to stay in control!

It felt wrong to be mad at Ayanami, there's just no way she'd understand.

"Well... if anythng, I think she may have saved mankind, we did beat the angel after all"

I can't believe I said Haruhi may have saved mankind, or the fact that I stood up for her.

I think I might have actually pissed off Ayanami, because she turned around and faced me. Although her face was blank, I could tell she wasn't pleased with what I said, I felt like I had just said something that went against everything she believed in. It's not a good feeling.

"That is debatable, however what is not debatable, is the fact that Suzumiya's actions were reckless and she was not adequately punished for her stupidity"

Okay now she's starting to piss me off, I'm the **only** person who can talk about Haruhi like that! And although everything Ayanami said was true, that doesn't give her the right to say it! She doesn't know Haruhi like I know Haruhi!

I crossed my arms and had an angry tone as I replied,

"Well I know Haruhi will never do that again. She's learned her lesson, and I don't appreciate you talking about her like she was some child, even the commander let her go! ...Although I have the sneaking suspicion that he's up to no good..."

She turned back around, defeated, or so I thought.

I started to feel bad about getting edgy with Ayanami, she didn't deserve that. I sighed and let go of my anger,

"Listen Ayanami, I'm sorry I got emotional, it's just that-"

_**Smack!**_

She spun around and smacked me, with an angry look in her eyes. Is there something in the water of Tokyo three? Because there's an epidimec of bi-polar disorder!

"What the hell was that for!" I asked, nursing my cheek, which now sported a very red hand print.

"Do not speak ill of the comander" she replied in a mix of anger and monotone I had never known could exist.

So Haruhi can molest her and she won't bat an eye, but I say one little thing about the commander and she bitch slaps me! What the hell is this girl's logic?

After a long, quiet ride on the escalator, I suited up and got into the insertion plug, sitting quietly.

"Why's your face red Kyon-kun?" Misato asked over the video link,

"I don't want to talk about it..."

Misato was saying something to the bridge crew,

"I can't believe how fast these things are coming, we barely have enough time for repairs as it is!"

Even when you're depowered, you still cause trouble, Haruhi...

"Eva unit one, prepare for launch! Switching to anti air equipment!"

Anti air equipment? I have a bad feeling about this...

"Target in range, now entering lake tashi air space!"

"Eva unit one, equipped and ready to launch!" Mr Makoto said, followed by Misato's "Let's move out!"

Uhoh... the catapult again...

I gripped the butterfly controls as I was launched like a rocket once again, it's not easy getting used to this!

"I'm reading increased target energy levels!" said Mr Aoba,

Wait, charging? Charging what? I'm not even up there yet!

As soon as I got up to the surface, Misato screamed, "Kyon-kun, look out!"

Look out for what- "Oh god why!" I saw a giant diamond transform into... hell if I know what it is! But it blasted the hell out of me.

So there I was, locked in the catapult entrance, feeling like someone took a heated metal rod and stabbed me in the chest with it, digging around inside. It hurt so bad, all I could do was grip myself and groan in pain.

"Lower the sync rate!"

"Deploy the blast shield!"

For a few moments, the pain stopped, and I took a few deep breaths, cooling off in the rain which was a wierd eexpierience. I could feel the outside of the Eva cooling off considerably, but the plug felt like hot soup. Looking up, I noticed there was something large blocking the angel's blast, but it didn't last for long.

"The target is charging up again!"

For a moment, there was silence, and then a bright light, The blast melted through the wall and I felt as if I was embracing the sun. I screamed, I screamed so loud I wouldn't be surprised if Haruhi and Mikuru heard it from the shelters! I can't believe I actually lived through this, every angel battle seems to be either more complicated than the last, or just more painful so far.

I'd tell you about my surroundings, but I was a little busy screaming for mercy or sweet death, to take in the scenery.

The others were probably saying something, but as seems to be the growing trend, I was in too much pain to understand, I remember them yelling and a lot of agony, and then nothing at all.

I was alone on a train, where it was headed was beyond me. Everything appeared off, like some sort of squiggle vision, and there was orange, so much orange.

I sat in my seat, looking at nothing, just taking in everything I went through earlier.

"...I hate this place, It's one absurdity after another. And I'm expected to just go along with it. It's not right, human being weren't meant to have this kind of responsibilty"

Ayanami's slender figure was in the periphreal of my vision,

"Then why do you pilot Eva? You could easily leave if you wanted to" she said in that soft monotone of hers.

"If I don't do it, everything will just go to hell, I've always been like Atlas, carrying the world on my shoulders"

"That's not the only reason, is it?" Said Shinji, who appeared in the seat in front of me.

"What other reason could there be?" I asked

"I know why" Said a very familiar voice.

I turned around and looked at my reflection.

Oh god, not this guy again!

"Yes, this guy again, and I'm talkin' to you, so listen up!" My reflection said.

I haven't had a deep internal monologue like this since last year in Nagato's other world!

"You like the attention you get from Haruhi!"

Well it is nice, but not something to risk my life over!

"Admit it, you pilot Eva so Haruhi will praise you! You've spent most of your highschool life cleaning up after her, paying for her meals and generally being her slave boy, without one little word of thanks! Sure you hate this world, but part of you loves it because you get to see a side of Haruhi that's exclusive to you, and you alone!"

I turned to Shinji, who was watching the scene with amusement in his eyes,

"I think he's right, but there's even more to it if you ask me" he said quietly

"I know I'm right! And there is more to it!" My doppleganger was sitting beside me now,

"Why do you put up with Her? You've had so many chances to just walk away, and you wouldn't even be in this situation! So answer me this, do you love Haruhi?"

...W-what? ...do I love Haruhi?

"She's grown on you, don't deny it! You've grown accustomed to her little eccentricities, you'd be so lost if she just disapeared and never came back! When you woke up in the hospital after the first angel battle, you missed her! You even made a point to try to get her attention with that silly introduction speech at school! How could you complain so much about one person, but be so attached to them at the same time?"

"He makes a very good point, you know" Shinji interjected

Everything went black again and my senses slowly filtered in the world outside my body. There was a soft series of beeps, and what sounded like a respirator. I must be in a hospital room again. I could also hear the sound of pages being flipped. Nagato!

I opened my eyes and sat up to see Ayanami staring at me. They didn't put a catheter in me this time, thank god! But I felt numb all over my body, and cold, so very cold.

"Ayanami? I thought you were pissed at me?" I asked as she continued staring.

She completely ignored the question and began briefing me on the plan to beat the angel like a pre-recorded message.

"Listen, at zero hundred hours tomorow, operation Yashima is scheduled to begin"

What, no welcome back or 'about time!'?

"Pilots; Ikari and Ayanami, will report to terminal two, nineteen thirty hours today"

I just woke up, and you expect me to remember all this?

"Twenty hundred hours; the Evas, unit one and unit zero will take position. Twenty oh five, we launch"

And... you don't give a shit that I was almost melted, do you?

"After that, arrive at Futago mountain and wait for further orders"

After her briefing, she opened the compartment of some machine I didn't recognize.

"Your meal" she said softly.

I sighed and rested my face in my hand,

"I'm not hungry" I said blankly.

After the torture I went through today, and the wierd trip I had just now, eating was the last thing on my mind.

"Very well" She said, leaving.

"Ayanami?" she stopped and turned around,

"Yes?"

"...I'm sorry I pissed you off earlier"

I'm not sure why I've been apologizing so much lately, it just seemed like the right thing to do.

"It is fine, I apologize for striking you, there are things about each other that neither of us understand, goodbye" she said, leaving for real this time.

"Wow, I've never heard Ayanami say so much at once" said a familiar voice, I turned around and nearly jumped after seeing Shinji sitting cross-legged at the foot of my bed.

I glared at him, if this were an anime, there would be upbeat music playing in the background right now for satyrical purposes.

"What do you want?"

Shinji smiled and said, "I just happened to be near this plane of our reality and decided to stop by, I like to see things from up close once in a while." his attention was focused on my lunch, "Since you're not going to eat that, do you mind if I do?"

Your a god of some sort, why would you want to eat?

"Sure, help yourself" I said, massaging my temples.

"Thank you! I haven't eaten in forever!" he declared, helping himself to some noodles.

I sighed, "Anything you want to tell me about Ayanami?" I asked, crossing my arms in annoyance.

"Other than the fact that she's off limits?" he snapped.

Jealous much?

"Uh... no, I meant is she the key?"

"I don't feel like telling you right now" he replied moodily.

Now you're just being spiteful!

"Is there anything that I might need to know right now?" I asked, I could feel my brow twitching.

A pensive look came across Shinji's face as he thought about it, "Just that Ayanami is... very special, be nice to her"

It doesn't take a genious to figure that out! So he's just going to remain useless like he's been so far? Just my luck.

I sighed again, "I really miss Nagato..." I whispered to myself.

"She's closer than you think" Shinji said,

I grabbed him by the shirt and yelled, "What do you mean? Where is Nagato!"

Shinji smiled like a jackass, "I'm in a cryptic mood today, so I'll give you a clue"

If looks could kill, Shinji would have exploded by now,

"What's the clue?" I almost snarled, letting go of him.

"Stimulants!" Shinji said cheerfully, scarfing down the rest of the meal,"Sorry, I have to go now, and don't worry, everything will be alright!" He said happily, flashing the peace sign and disapearing.

I hate my life.

I was standing in the outskirts of Tokyo three with Ayanami, we were being briefed on the mission again. I don't feel like repeating all of the technobabble that went on so I'll just condense it for you, Basically they wanted me to use an enormous gun, called the _"positron cannon"_ like a sniper rifle while Ayanami was supposed to use some kind of anti-heat shield made from a space shuttle to block the angel's attacks. The plan sounded good on paper, but believe me, it was anything but smooth. The positron cannon needed so much energy, that there had to be an enormous blackout across all of japan. You think I'm making this up? I wouldn't believe me either.

After the re-briefing, I sat next to Ayanami on a catwalk that supported our Eva's. The rain had let up for the most part and the sky was mostly visable. I looked up at the sky that had almost zero light pollution, I could see the stars and various gas clouds, it was beautiful. Was this what man saw when he first walked out of his cave? I had never seen the sky like this in my entire life.

Ayanami broke the silence,

"You seem worried"

To be honest, the upcoming battle was the last thing on my mind, I was mulling over the clue Shinji gave me about Nagato, _stimulants_, what could that mean?

I looked over to her direction,

"Hmm? I guess I am a little bit, but things have always worked out before"

"If you had more faith in the commander, there would be no need to worry what so ever"

I could make a sarcastic remark, but last time she slapped me, and she's about to get into her Eva, and I'm not curious to find out how much an Eva sized bitch slap would hurt.

"Hey, Ayanami?"

"Yes?"

I'm probably on thin ice right now, but I feel like I have to ask,

"Why do you have so much faith in the commander?"

Ayanami didn't make eye contact with me,

"He gave me purpose, without him or Eva, I have nothing"

I couldn't really think of a response, what would you say if someone told you that?

"I see... so anyway," I think it's time to steer this conversation elsewhere, "If anything happens, I've got your back, alright?"

Ayanami stood up, looking at the sky,

"Do not worry about me, I am expendable"

How can she be so careless with her own life?

"We're not samurai, Ayanami! You shouldn't go into battle expecting to die, there's barely enough pilots as there is!" I scolded her

She still looked to the sky, avoiding my gaze,

"You do not understand, perhaps you will in time, come on, it's time to go"

I was sitting in the plug, watching the angel from a large fortification they made for a sniper platform. Everything was quiet, even the higurashi seemed to be watching in silent awe. I had a much better look at the angel this time, let me fill you in; basically it was a giant diamond with a drill in the center of Tokyo three. I was told that it was a shape shifter, but as you know I didn't really get a chance to see it transform for obvious reasons.

"Alright Kyon-kun, load the cannon and get ready!" Misato ordered.

"Got it" I said out of reflex, cocking the gun and Zeroing in on the angel.

I looked at the timer on my Heads up display, which was a new feature, apparently. I had thirty seconds before operation Yashima was to begin.

I almost jumped as guns began popping out of the mountain side, why do they even bother? In my expierence, guns are next to useless against these things! The best they can do is distract the angels at this point, which I guess was the plan. I'd say it was an insane plan, but I couldn't think of anything better, so it looks We're going with this.

"Ten seconds, be ready Kyon!" I heard mister Aoba say,

"Ten, nine, eight, seven, six," the guns all around Tokyo three began to take aim, five, four, three, two, one!" In every direction there were flashes of light heading towards the enormous diamond and the sound of whistling death from the mortars, followed by screaming cruise misiles.

Holy shit! The angel just formed into some kind of cube-like... shape thing and deflected all of the shots! What the hell are these things?

I statred calibrating the range on my target as it turned itnto some kind of spinning wheel, and fired a thin pink line of laser in a circle, destroying all of the missiles that were flying towards it. Not just a few, ALL of them!

"Kyon-kun, you have permission to fire!"

Alright! Here goes!

I lined up the shot, which was really, really hard by the way, the cursor kept swinging around like a drunken Misato, not to mention the light rain was creating interference as well. It finally lined up agonizingly slowly, after which Misato ordered: "Kyon-kun, fire now!" I flinched a little as I fired the shot, I think I may have messed up...

I could feel the crackling of electricity scorching across my back as it was sucked into the gun and a blue line of pure photon energy shot out of the cannon, melting everything in it's path and cutting right through the diamond's A.T. Field, I don't think it knew what hit it! Yes, easy victory! An earsplitting shriek rang through the air as it split into shards, dead, or so I thought.

"It's charging! Energy readings rising!" Miss Ibuki screamed,

What the hell! It was reforming into what looked like a freakin' upside down staryu! There was a screeching sound as light gathered around the points of the star, and a blast of light hit me full force, evaporating the mountain that was covering us as it fired. I screamed as I was flung back, all the way off the platform,

"Kyon-kun, are you alright? Kyon-kun!" Misato screamed worriedly,

I slowly lifted the Eva up, crawling towards the cannon, I groaned, "I can do this, Misato" I shakily brought the Eva up, lifting the massive gun and tossing the eyescope aside. I bet Nagato could have taken this shot no problem, I gasped as realization hit me.

"_She's closer than you think"_

"_Stimulants!"_

"_I am now flooding your system with stimulants"_

Of course! Somehow she managed to get inside the Eva! She's been with me the whole time!

"Alright Nagato," I whispered, "I hate relying on you, but I could really use your help right now!"

The plug started to feel comfortably warm and welcoming.

I smiled through gritted teeth, "Alright let's do this"

I hefted the gun up as it began to lock on by itself, it was already targeting the center of the angel as I reloaded,

"Target's energy readings on the rise!" Miss Ibuki yelled, followed by Misato's "Kyon!"

The angel fired another blast, bigger than anyhting I've ever seen before. All around me, the environment was melting, but for some reason, I didn't join the hellish inferno, something was blocking the angel's death beam.

"Ayanami!" I saw her baring the shield against the angel's beam, as if to say "YOU SHALL NOT PASS!"

I heard the bridge bunnies talking over the video link,

"That shield won't last for long!"

"How soon can he fire?"

"Twenty seconds until barrel cool down!"

come on, come on! Cool down already!

Ayanami's shield was already begining to melt, snapping into pieces as her armour began to melt as well, It felt like I was standing in a blacksmith's forge from where I was, I can only imagine what Ayanami was feeling. The force of the blast was causing her to move backwards as the blast kept adding more force. Where the hell does this thing get it's energy? It's like Haruhi after downing three red bulls!

"Hang in there Ayanami!" I screamed before I heard a _ding! _That must mean the gun's ready to fire!

I pulled the trigger and fired right through the angels beam, it was like something out of dragon ball z, guess what angel? My galick gun is bigger than yours!

The Angel's pink beam began to dissapate as my blue one traveled through it, hitting the diamond dead on. That's right, scream you son of a bitch!

The angel let out a horrible death shriek as it blasted into shards once more, for the last time. There were tiny explosions of blood as it began to lose it's form and melt into the city.

Wait a minute... Ayanami!

Her Eva dropped into a nearby like, writhing in pain, so I ran to her aid and pulled the Eva up, trying to pull the armor back to release her plug, It had to be like an oven in there!

"Dammit! This isn't working!"

"_does this thing have a combat knife or anything?"_

_What kind of question is that?_

Of course! The proggressive knife!

I made a mental command for unit one to deploy the knife and grabbed it out of the shoulder pylon, plunging it into unit zero's back.

"Come on Ayanami, hang in there!" I screamed as I managed to pull back the armor, causing the plug to eject and spray blood everywhere. I placed it on the ground and forced my Eva to kneel so I could get out quicker.

I was out of the Eva and running along the country-side to Ayanami's plug, I could see steam rising from all over it. Please don't be deep fried, Ayanami!

I grabbed onto the hatch, turning it as the handles burned through my plugsuit, thankfully it was somewhat heat resistant or I probably wouldn't have got to her in time!

I nearly ripped the door open and jumped inside,

"Ayanami! Are you alright?" She was sitting in the plug with her head down, coughing.

"Come on, I'll get you out of here!" I said as I picked her up and brought her outside, laying her on the ground in my arms,

"Come on Ayanami! Breathe!" for a moment I thought I might have to perform CPR, but she coughed loudly, spitting up LCL, and opened her eyes.

"Don't ever say you're expendable again, Ayanami! Do you have any idea how much I was worried?"

She looked up at me with those gorgeus red spheres, confused, and maybe a little embarassed,

"I am... sorry... I don't know what to do in situations like this" ...That was a wierd answer.

I thought for a second,

"You should be happy Ayanami, happy that you're alive! Smile dammit!" I think I may have shed a tear at this point. And then, something incredible happened, she smiled, she looked so beautiful when she smiled, no wonder Shinji snapped earlier and told me she was off limits! Thank god Haruhi didn't see this... I felt like I was seeing Nagato smile for the first time, my heart might have stopped for a split second! I need to stop fawning over Ayanami like this... Haruhi is already jealous as hell over her.

I picked her up and leaned her on my shoulder,

"Come on Ayanami, let's go home"

"Ikari... no, Kyon, Thank you" She whispered as we walked back to the nearest NERV assembly.

Wait... did she just call me by my apparently given name? Things are going to get complicated from here on out...

"You're thanking me? I should be thanking you! You saved my life with that shield back there! I told you I had your back, and I meant it."

"But why?" she asked.

"Well, we're both pilots, Ayanami, can I call you Rei?" she nodded, "We're in this together until the bitter end, so what do you say, friends?" I asked, stopping and extending my hand.

She hesitated, looking at my hand cautiously,

"I've... never had a friend before..." I most certainly would be this girl's friend! Haruhi be damned!

"It's alright, Rei, don't you think it's a good idea for pilots to get along?" I asked

"...It is logical, but what about Suzumiya? I do not believe she finds my company enjoyable"

I'll just have to talk Haruhi into it, I remember Koizumi told me once that the only person Haruhi listens to is me, so I think I can make this happen. Dammit Rei deserves to have friends, nobody should go through all of this alone!

"Don't worry about her, I think once she hears that you saved my life, everything will be water under the bridge"

Rei grabbed my hand and shook it,

"Then I will have faith in your judgement"

That handshake marked the beginning of a very important alliance in this war.

_(A/N: that was hard as FUCK! No wonder shockz gave up on his story... and that guy who wrote his in spanish, mister shockz, I do hope you continue writing your story, because it's excellent, and I think you write better than I do. I don't have much to say about this chapter, other than I really didn't like it. I don't think I captured the pure epicness of the battle with Ramiel, but I really, really want to move ahead to the great Asuka Langely Sohryu's debut in this fanfic. So if you would be so kind, leave some reviews, especially constructive critisism, since that will help me change this fic into something more entertaining, it's helped in the past. Thank you guys so much! _

_Omake: Annoying Eva pilot_

Gendo Ikari looked down on the new replacement pilot from the opening above the eva cages, Shinji had been blasted into a coma by sachiel's patented cross-plosion an hour earlier.

"And you will pilot it" he said menacingly

"Okay! That sounds like fun!" said the talking orange.

"This isn't a game, orange, you could get killed!" Misato said worriedly.

"Me get killed? Ha! commander! Hey commander! Hey! Hey!"

Gendo Ikari took a deep breath,

"What?"

"Hey commander! Hey! Hey!"

"**WHAT!"**

"Your an apple! Hahahahaha!"

Gendo clenched his fists and screamed,

"Get him in the damn Eva NOW!"

The Eva was launched up to the street to face the third angel, but it just stood there unmoving,

"Alright orange, just focus on walking" Ritsuko buzzed in.

The annoying orange sat in the plug for a moment, confused.

"I don't know how to walk, I don't have any legs! Hahahahaha!"

Ritsuko Akagi bit her lip in frustration,

"Oh god dammit! We're doomed!"

meanwhile the annoying orange had discovered something,

"Hey what's this do?" he asked as he somehow turned on the loudspeakers,

"Whoa cool!" he boomed over tokyo three.

"Quit screwing around!" Misato screamed

The orange ignored her as he turned his deadly talents on the angel.

"Hey! Hey angel! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey angel! Over here!"

Sachiel turned towards the purple monstrosity once more, confused. Hadn't it already defeated this one?

"Hey! Hey! Hey Angel! Hey! Can you do this?" The annoying orange stuck out his tongue and began making stupid noises, "Nya nya nya nya nya! Nya nya nya nya nya!"

The angel tilted both it's skull faces in even more confusion, were the lilim trying to annoy it to death?

"Hey! Your an angel! Hahahaha!"

Indeed the lilim were, sachiel tried to cover it's non-existing ears as the annoying orange let loose it's horrific talents full force,

"Hey! Hey! Hey! You look like an Emo godzilla! Hahahahaha! Hey emo Godzilla! Hey! Hey! You don't talk much do you?"

Sachiel was laying on the ground in a fetal position, shaking in horror.

"Hey emo Godzilla! Hey! Is it nap time? I'm not tired at all! Hahahaha!"

Sachiel picked itself up, it was determined, it could defeat this abomination the same way it did the whiny one. Sachiel charged up it's jesus beam(trademark) and aimed for Eva unit one, until...

"Hey! Hey emo godzilla! Hey! Knife!"

Sachiel looked around as if to say "what?", and then a giant knife fell from space and split it in half, core and all, causing a massive explosion.

"Where the hell did that knife come from?" Misato asked in utter confusion.

"I guess it was time for him to go, so he had to _Split_! Hahahahaha!"

**THE END**

**2nd Omake, because I just had too: Epic anime time(epic meal time parody, which I don't own, along with the annoying orange)**

Yo! I'm Kyon, and this is EPIC ANIME TIME!

_(For all the marks... the hell is a mark?)_

First we're gonna take a hit show like Evangelion, and we're gonna add Haruhi Suzumiya! Cuz we don't play around fool!

Then we add more Haruhi! And Haruhi and Haruhi and Haruhi! Stoic alien! More Haruhi! Wrap that Eva up in more Haruhi! I run this fanfic, fool! Then we add an explosion, and Koizumi! A sparkly explosion! Them Hater angels never knew what hit em!

_(finished product)_

Haruhi sat in the entry plug of unit one, ready to charge that hater angel, when suddenly, for no reason at all, Koizumi exploded.

"Kiiiiiyyyyyyaaa!"

Insane with rage,(and jack daniels) Haruhi Charged Sachiel like king Leonidas in that scene where he screamed "This. Is. Sparta!"

The universe imploded in a spectacular show of lights... and bacon. And that hater angel never knew what hit it.

(Kyon's ending note)

So we just made a crossover with Evangelion and Haruhi, and we kicked it up a notch! We love this crossover, fool! If you're writing a fanfic and it's not an Eva/Haruhi crossover, then you best re-assess what the f*! you're doin' online!

Next time: we crossover warhammer 40k with care bears!

_(A/N: lol you can write whatever you want guys, I just love that line. :) So... yeah, read and review if you'd be so kind. Hey that ryhmed! _


	10. Chapter 10

_**Chapter Ten: **_

_**The Uninspiringly Named Christmas Chapter **_

"_a person is an animal that wants someone who is at least as stupid as itself around"_

_-Kyon_

I was dead tired, resting my head on Misato's car window as we sped home.

"You still awake, Kyon-kun?" Misato asked quietly.

I yawned, and drowsily replied,"Yeah"

"How are you feeling?"

I sat up and stretched, yawning again, "Fine for the most part, just very tired"

Misato kept her eyes on the road, for once this time,

"I'm very grateful for your actions today, you destroyed the angel when we thought all hope was lost, and on top of that, you saved a fellow pilot"

"All in a days work, Misato" I said leaning back with my eyes closed.

"You were still very brave, Kyon, so brave, that I talked to the staff and we decided to make you team leader"

"Team leader?"

"Yeah! So whenever you're deployed with other pilots, you'll call the shots. You're still under my command, but you now have the authority to make small term decisions for the group. Hold on," She was digging around in her pockets, Keep your eyes on the road!

"Here, it's not official or anything, since Eva pilots don't techically hold any rank, but Makoto and Aoba had it made, they thought it looked cool" She handed me a small medal,

I looked at it in the dim light from the passing street lamps, It was a skull, just like the first angel I fought, on top of a red core with a golden halo above, connected by a pair of angel wings with two red dots marking where the pins in the back go. It was damned cool looking.

"Thank you, Misato" I said quietly, putting the pin in my shirt pocket. I'm definetley showing this off to Haruhi, she'd get a kick out of this for sure.

"No problem, Kyon-kun, you're a hero! ...which reminds me, since it's that time of the year..." She dug around in her other pocket, and handed me something larger.

"It's a cell phone, I figured you'd need one if you wanted to go somewhere and we needed to get ahold of you"

Yes! Wait... what did she mean by that time of the year?

"Merry christmas, Kyon-kun! It techically started today, but you still have to go to school. Sorry about that"

Going to school on Christmas... well that blows- Christmas? But it's freaking Ninety degrees out!

"Christmas Isn't what it used to be," Misato said somberly, "I remember it used to snow until two thousand... Do you know what snow is, Kyon-kun?"

What is she talking about? I'd better just play along...

"Well Yeah," I said, facing the window, "What exactly happened?" I asked.

"Don't you pay attention in school? Second impact happened, meteor hit the north pole ring a bell?" She furrowed her brows, as an understanding look formed across her face, "...Oh... I see what you're asking,"

What exactly do you see?

"You mean what _really_ happened, don't you?"

"...Yeah" I couldn't help but wonder where this was going, and if I really wanted to hear it.

"I suppose you deserve to know, as you've probably guessed, the whole meteor and north pole story is completely fabricated,"

I think things are about to get heavy... Maybe I shouldn't have asked?

"I'll just give you the gist of what happened, it's pretty top secret stuff," We were driving slower through city that was still in the process of powering up again as she told her story,

"In the year two thousand..." She choked up for a second, and then continued, "We found the first Angel, code named; Adam, frozen in the north pole. Something happened, causing it to awaken. I'm not going to give you a bunch of techno babble you probably won't understand, but basically, it caused second impact, which was an enormous blast, completely melting the North Pole and kicking global warming up... several notches and wiping out most of mankind"

An alien frozen in the north pole? Remids me of that movie that was on the other night...

"So why are the other Angels here? Are they trying to finish what Adam started?" I asked curiously,

"I don't know for sure, but I imagine that's part of it"

Part of it? What more could they possibly want?

"...What's the other part? And why do they keep coming here, to Tokyo three of all places?"

Misato let out a deep breath, "I really shouldn't be telling you any of this, but we have something they want, maybe you'll find out someday, but in the meantime, you can't tell anybody about this stuff, Okay?"

I nodded, "I understand" I said simply. Keeping secrets is something I've been doing for a while anyway, what harm is a few more?

I lay in bed that morning, it was three o'clock, and I had to get up for school in a few hours. Why couldn't I sleep? I felt like there was something important that I just wasn't getting. I looked at the nerve clips in my hand, I had my own and Rei's. They didn't look any different, but they had been fried beyond repair during the angel battle. Why did Rei give me her's, and why did I bother keeping mine? I remember she said something really strange earlier,

_Rei sat on the edge of the ambulance's rear and pulled the white nerve clips out of her hair, handing them to me, _

"_They have been fried, but they have not outlived their usefullness, take them, I believe you will find an adequate use for them"_

"_What do you mean?" I asked her, holding the clips in confusion._

"_I believe you are intelligent enough to find a purpose for them" She said, as the paramedics helped her up into the ambulance, taking her away to the hospital._

Find a purpose for them? I guess some girls might consider them stylish... wait, stylish... Christmas...

"I've got it!" I said, sitting up in my bed.

Rei wanted me to give our fried nerve clips to Haruhi and Mikuru as a peace offering! Does Rei know that Haruhi is dangerous when she's pissed off?

"That's really strange of Rei, I never thought of her as an indian giver type. I tell you, I've gone through this for ages and I still can't figure that girl out"

I turned to see Shinji standing over my bed, eying the nerve clips in my hand curiously.

"Have you ever heard of knocking? You could give someone a heart attack popping out of nowhere like that!" I yelled angrily.

Shinji merely shrugged, "Eh, you'll be fine"

I sighed and put the clips on the little table next to my bed, "So what's up? Do you have something important to tell me?"

Shinji sat on the floor and looked at me,

"Kind of, you remember what Misato told you earlier?"

"Yeah, why? Did she lie to me?" I asked.

"No, not at all, I just figured I'd fill in a few blanks for you"

"Alright, go ahead"

He looked to his left, as if focusing on something far away,

"Well, that thing NERV has, that Misato mentioned,"

"Yeah?"

"It's an angel"

An Angel? Why on earth would they keep an Angel in NERV? What is this, one of those 'keep your friends close and your enemies closer_'_ things?

"But why?"

"You're not ready to know everything yet, but I will tell you this, that angel is called Lillith, the second angel and progenitor of mankind. That's what the Angels are after, but they think it's Adam. If an Angel comes into contact with either of them, mankind will be wiped out completely this time."

"So... NERV is basically guarding our ancestral mom?" I asked

"More or less... but all is not what it seems" Shinji said, getting up and turning away, "By the way, keep Miss Suzumiya far away from Lillith if you can help it"

Well, I doubt that will be a problem, I don't think NERV will even allow her around the front gate at this point.

"Hey, before you go, I want to ask something"

He turned around to look at me again, "Alright, shoot"

"Is Rei somehow aware of Haruhi's powers?"

Shinji rubbed his chin in thought,

"I had wondered about that too, not much would surprise me at this point"

"So you don't know? I thought you made all the changes around here?"

Shinji sighed. "It's kind of hard to explain... I got it! Imagine a snowball on top of a hill"

I nodded, "Alright"

"Now one thing I can do is make small changes to people's personalities and in some cases, abilites and histories, just like I can push the snowball off whatever side of the hill I please, however, like the snowball, I can't accurately predict where these changes will end up or how much of an impact they'll make. Does that make any sense to you?"

It made a lot more sense than any of Koizumi's abstract concepts or Nagato's technobabble!

"Yeah, I understand"

Shinji smiled, "Alright then, I have to go now, goodnight Kyon, You've been doing great so far"

"Thanks" I said before he disapeared.

I slumped back in my bed, thinking about everything I had learned.

So Nagato is in the Eva, Rei might be semi omniscient, and it's summer all year around every year. Not to mention we're holding an Angel prisoner in NERV HQ... On top of that, part of me might be in love with Haruhi, if that wierd trip yesterday meant anything. What a world...

With those last thoughts, I was out like a light, finally able to rest.

"So, I imagine you probably saw some leaked footage of the fight this morning" I said to Haruhi during lunch. She was in a foul mood, glaring at her bento. It was raining again outside, so we ate in the classroom, Rei wasn't present, and Ryoko had some kind of class rep job to do, so it was just Haruhi, Mikuru and myself, with a handful of other students spread out across the room.

"Nope" She said darkly, picking at her lunch.

"Ayanami saved my life this morning" I blurted out, that seemed to get Haruhi's attention. I refered to her as Ayanami in front of Haruhi, in case that 'Rei' would piss her off.

She looked up and blinked, her dark mood letting up slightly.

"She did? What happened?"

"The Angel shot this huge beam at me, and she blocked it, she got pretty hurt too, that's why she's not here today"

Haruhi _'humphed!'_, looking away from me and glaring back into her bento,

"Serves her right for what she did yesterday..."

Mikuru looked up in surprise,

"Eh? What happened yesterday?" She asked innocently.

"Nothing!" Haruhi and I shouted in unison, scaring her so bad that she nearly fell out of her seat.

"Sorry..." I muttered to her. I hate to see Mikuru freak out like that.

"Listen Haruhi, I've got something to say, and you probably won't like it-" she interupted me, almost snarling,

"What? What do you have to tell me? Hmm? I swear if you tell me you're dating Ayanami, I will kill-"

I interupted her, I didn't want to hear where that was going,

"It's not like that at all, Haruhi, Ayanami and I aren't interested in one another like that!"

The storm outside was picking up, I had better get this done fast or who knows what will happen...

"And you were way out of line yesterday!-"

"-How was _I_ out of line? That slut practically threw herself at you!"

"Eh?" Mikuru threw in

"_You_ threw her at me! You shouldn't have even been touching her when she was naked!"

"W-what?" Mikuru squeaked, going pale,

"Why do you think she was naked in the first place? Answer me that, Kyon!"

My brow was twitching again, I had forgotten how much of an idiot Haruhi was.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw some clouds swirling together in a funnel. Shit, I really need to get this wrapped up.

"Gee I don't know, maybe because she just got out of the _shower_ and had no idea we were there?"

Haruhi didn't seem to have a counter for that, because she didn't say anything at all.

Handling Haruhi is about the same as it ever was, I'm thankful for that much, just a little arrow of logic in her achille's heel and everything starts to fall in place. The clouds were already starting to dissapate, and the sun seemed to cautiously poke out of the clouds, as if to say 'is it safe to come out now?'.

"...I guess I didn't think about it like that..."

More like you didn't think, period.

"Here," I said, digging the nerve clips out of my pocket and handing them to her and Mikuru.

"What are these?" Haruhi asked curiously

"They were mine and Ayanami's nerve clips, but they got fried during the battle. I think Ayanami wanted me to give them to you as a peace offering"

Haruhi was holding my old pair in her hands, looking at them with awe. The sun ws shining much brighter now as the it's gentle orange kiss flooded the classroom.

"These are really neat, Kyon-kun!" Mikuru said as she put Ayanami's clips in her hair.

Oh my god, she looked so cute with those clips!

"Merry Christmas, girls" I said happily as Haruhi put my clips in her hair as well, they looked really good on her, but I don't think blue is her color, maybe orange or red would suit her more.

"I didn't even get you anything... I feel awful now!" Haruhi pouted cutely.

"I didn't either, I'm sorry Kyon-kun"

"Don't worry about it," I said with a geniune smile, "So Haruhi?"

"Hmm?"

"Why don't we let Ayanami sit with us at lunch from now on? I think she needs some friends"

Haruhi smiled warmly for the first time in... I don't know, ever ?

"Of course!" She said happily, and with that we continued to eat our lunch until Ryoko showed up.

"Sorry I'm late! Class rep duties..." She trailed off when she saw Haruhi and Mikuru, "Where did you get those?" She asked, with a hint of fear in her voice.

"Mine and Ayanami's got fried, so we figured we'd give them to Haruhi and Mikuru instead of just throwing them away, looks good on them, don't they?" I said with a warm smile

"Kyon-kun, they can't have those! That's top secret technology! I'm sorry girls, I'm going to have confiscate them right now!" She said, holding her hand out expectantly.

Haruhi groaned, while Mikuru pouted sadly, starting to pull the clips out of their hair.

"~Objection!~" I declared smugly, causing the girls to stop pulling the clips out, and feeling like pheonix wright.

"Eh?" Mikuru uttered curiously.

"And just who are you to have an ~Objection!~ to your class rep?" Ryoko asked with authority in her voice.

If this were an anime, there would be a short, slow motion scene where I pull out my new medal, with it being in the center of the screen at the end,

"Oh, just your team leader" I said with a grin.

"Whoa!" Haruhi shouted excitedly, looking at the medal eagerly.

"Wanna touch it?" I said in good humor.

"You're a jackass, but you're damn right I do!" Haruhi said amusedly.

I handed it to her and turned to Ryoko,

"What do you mean, team leader?" She asked curiously.

"Misato promoted me, you'll probably get a memo or something today"

Ryoko was not amused, she flopped down in her seat unceremoniously, "You better not be lying Kyon-kun"

Haruhi was still looking at the medal like it was the lost gold of the aztecs... or mayans, or something like that, until something crossed her mind, I could almost see the gears rotating in her head as she placed the medal down and clapped her hands twice,

"Nerd, meat head! Front and center!" She barked like a drill seargent, crossing her arms.

Suzuhara and Aida rushed over understandably mortified,

"Y-yes mam?" Aida stuttered out.

Haruhi didn't make eye contact and closed her eyes with an angry frown,

"I know you two morons have footage of that fight, so you better bring me a copy first thing Monday or heads will roll!" She ordered, taking a sip of her canned tea.

I smiled brighter, good old Haruhi, ordering people around just like I remember. For some reason it really warmed my heart to see her act like that, probably because I wasn't the focus of her wrath this time.

"Of course! First thing Monday morning!" Aida and Suzuharu said in unison,

Haruhi opened her eyes, sat her tea down and glared a hole through them,

"Good, now get out of here, you disgust me!"

They both ran back to their seats.

I'm surprised Mikuru didn't say something like '_that wasn't very nice, Haruhi'_, she just sat there and sighed quietly. She obvously knew better than to question Haruhi, Ryoko however, apparently didn't.

"That wasn't right at all, Suzumiya! You shouldn't order people around like that!"

She had long since gave up on trying to get Haruhi out of her habit of watching leaked footage, so she moved on to Haruhi's manners.

"They deserve a lot worse than being ordered around, class rep, didn't you hear what meat head did to Kyon?"

I feel bad for being amused, but it just cracks me up the way she refers to them only as 'nerd' and 'meat head'

"That's still not right! Haven't you ever heard of forgive and forget?"

I think Haruhi already filled her quota for 'forgive and forget' today.

"Who the hell do you think you are to tell me how to act?"

Yeah, only I can do that.

"I'm your class representitive, that's who!"

The spark of wrathful fury ignited in her eyes as she tried to burn a hole in Ryoko's head, causing me to check the weather outside cautiously. Dammit Ryoko! I _just_ fixed her, don't screw up all my hard work!

Haruhi looked like she was about to pounce like a hungry tiger as the two girls had a mexican standoff, causing Mikuru to sit nervously in the middle, looking back and forth, then to me.

I sighed deeply for the millionth time since the universes merged,

"Just let it go Ryoko" I really hope she listens to me too,

"But she-"

"Let it go, it's Christmas"

Ryoko bowed her head, "...Okay"

Having that bomb defused as well, we finished our lunches and found something to occupy ourselves while we waited for class to start. Haruhi was playing with our lunch boxes out of sheer boredom,

"Build a bento fortress... keep all the haters out!" Haruhi said to herself as she tried to figure out how to make a fort out of only four boxes... It's not going work, Haruhi. Believe me, I tried.

"So Kyon-kun..." Ryoko started at me,

"Huh?" I said, looking up from my homew\ork.

"I just wanted to say... that, I uh... I'm really glad you're okay!" She forced out nervously.

"Don't sweat it, cuz, It's all part of the job" I said, returning to my trig homework.

"Don't be so non-chalant about this!" I was really worried! I wish my Eva was fixed already... I hate watching you suffer from the side-lines..."

"Don't worry Ryoko, Your Eva will abe fixed in no time, and we'll kick ass together like nobody's bussiness"

"Don't swear" She chided me.

"I wish I was a pilot..." Haruhi muttered to herself.

What did I tell you about saying that!

After an ungodly stretch of time in school, I was walking back home on the hot sidewalk. You'd think after a heavy shower like that, things would have cooled down, but I think my shoes might have been melting.

"Humans are so... interesting!" A voice said behind me in a deep growl. I totally didn't scream like a girl and fall in the grass, just saying.

"God dammit Shinji! Warn me before you show up, you jerk!"

Shinji just smiled at me, floating above me and eating an apple...

"Are you referenceing something?" I asked, raising a brow.

"...Maybe" he said with a mischiovus smirk.

I got up and dusted myself off,

"So what do you want to tell me now?" I said, continuing my walk home.

Shinji floated after me and said, "Nothing really, I just wanted to say I'm impressed with the way you handle crazy women"

"It's a gift" I said, putting my hands in my pockets, with my schoolbag draped over my arm.

"That gift will come in handy next year" Shinji said with amusement practically dripping out of his voice.

"What is that supposed to mean?" I asked cautiously,

"You'll see! Sayonara!"

The little bastard disapeared again...

I walked into the apartment and took my shoes off, only to turn around and be slammed in the head with something cold, knocking me on my back.

"Kanpai!" Misato cheered.

"Ow!"

More like banzai... damn, right in the fore-head!

I saw a beer can roll across the floor out of the corner of my eye.

I grabbed it and sprang up on my feet,

"What the hell?" whoa, deja vu...

Misato giggled, sitting at the table,

"Whoops! I didn't mean to nail you on the head! You need to be more observant, Kyon-kun!"

Everyone and his brother tells me that...

"Why did you throw a can of beer at me anyway?" I asked, sitting across from her and placing my bag on the table.

"Well, since you beat the odds this morning, I called in sick so we could have a drinking contest to celebrate!" She cheered, hefting a case of beer from the floor and slamming it on the table.

Contributing gratuitous amounts of alcohol to a minor... I don't even care anymore, I've got worse things to worry about.

"...But you're already hammered, Misato" I said, pointing out the one flaw in her plan.

"Aww, I figured you wouldn't stand a chance if I started sober, so I gave myself a handicap! You a handicap? ... there's definitly handicaps involved!"

I already have my homework done, they didn't give us much since it was Christmas.

"Sure, what the hell. So what are the stakes?"

Misato tilted her head to the side, thinking,

"Well, we can't bet money, since you haven't been paid yet, so... how about a case of beer?"

I gave her a blank look,

"Isn't that kind of redundant? We're going to drink beer anyway, and you always have gratuitous amounts of alcohol in the house"

"Are you calling me a drunk?" She spat, swaying from side to side slightly.

I think you're beyond drunk, Misato.

"I've got it!"

"And just what did you get?" I asked,

"If I lose, I'll give you a kiss! Tongue and all!"

I'm on board so far...

"If _you_ lose, you have to tell Suzumiya you like~ her!"

Well that is just not happening!

"No" I said crossing my arms and glaring.

"Chicken~? Bawk bawk bawk!"

"I'm not chicken!"

"Your face is so red! You must really like her!"

"Shut up!"

"...Chicken!"

I grabbed a can,

"That's it, you're goin' down, woman!"

"That's the spirit, Kyon-kun!" She said as we both cracked our beers open and chugged.

Drinking contests are a really bad idea...

"Alright! I'm in love with... love with... her damn...dammit!" I sputtered out in a drunken stupor a few hours later, We had slowed way down in an effort not to pass out on the table.

"I knew it!" She cheered, pointing her finger at me, well in my general direction, I couldn't tell, I was seeing double.

"I'm not drinking with you anymore..." I pouted with the side of my head flat on the table.

"You lose~! You gotta tell Haru-chan how you feel!"

"It was a close match..." I muttered into the fiberglass of the table.

"Only because of the handy... handy... hand thing..." Misato stuttered as her head slowly descended to the table.

"I don't have to tell her tomorow do I?" I asked in annoyance, only to be met with snoring.

I sighed and shakily brought myself up, standing, and sloppily walked around the table.

I poked Misato,

"...Five more minutes..." she slurred,

"Get up you... drunk" I said, picking her up by the waist and supporting her on my shoulder.

"Where we goin'?"

"I'm taking you to... that thing you... sleep in"

I couldn't remember what a bed was called to save my life at the time

"Oh, that thing... that's a good idea"

"Yeah..." I agreed, slowly stumbling down the hall to her room.

I opened the door with my foot and dragged her in the room,

"Will you be joining me?" She slurred out, failing miserably at being seductive.

"There will be none of that, you... crazy lady"

I dragged her over to the bed and dropped her on the mattress, falling next to her in the process.

"Change your mind, handsome?"

"...Shut up Misato"

I passed out right on the spot.

I woke up in a daze to the sound of Misato yawning,

"Kyon-kun?" Misato asked, poking me in the shoulder,

I opened my eyes to see Misato with the worst case of bed head since American glam rock,

"Ughh... I feel awful"

"What the hell did we do last night?" she asked, blocking her eyes from the sunlight flooding in from the window.

I worked my brain hard to remember last night,

_'You lose~! You gotta tell Haru-chan how you feel!'_

"...I have no idea" I lied, "Oh god!" I scrambled off Misato's bed and stumble-ran to the bathroom.

As I'm sure you can guess, I hurled my guts up in the toilet.

"Aww, is this your first hangover?" Misato cooed, standing in the doorway, just behind me

You're not funny, and what was your first guess?

"Oh... don't puke anymore Kyon-kun, you're gonna start a chain... a chain pukathon..."

She ran to the sink and hurled her guts up as well,

This was followed by several more minutes of retching.

To those of you reading this; first off, I do not promote underage drinking, and secondly, if you do drink, for the love of god, know your limit! Don't make my mistake...

After the puke-a-palooza was over, Misato washed the sink and we brushed our teeth, and then we stumbled over to the beer can pyramid littered kitchen table and sat down, waiting for one of us to have either the energy or the stomach to get up and make breakfast.

On a sidenote; Most people don't know what rigour mortis feels like, for obvious reasons, but I have a very good idea.

Thank god it's Sunday.

_A/N: I do not, in any way shape or form promote underaged drinking, but if you guys drink, please know your limit and be responsible, that is all. Oh! And never sleep on your back if you're drunk, people die that way, they throw up in their sleep and choke to death. So yeah, sleep on your side. Not that I'm promoting anything._

_Omake: The adventures of Churuya-san Evangelion edition; Part Two, fool!_

**Part one: Shinji Ikari**

Shinji Ikari sat on his bed in a fetal position, wishing he was never born.

Churuya walked in and tried to cheer him up,

"What's wrong Shinji-kun?"

"Everybody hates me because I pilot Eva, pity me"

Churuya jumped on his shoulder and hugged his head,

"I don't hate you, you're my friend!" she said affectionately

"Liar, everybody hates me, I even hate me"

Churuya jumped off his shoulder and did some kind of herioc pose,

"I bet some smoked cheese would cheer you up, Shinji-kun!"

"...Smoked cheese hates me too."

"Nyoron~" :(

**Part Two: Shamshell**

Unit one and the fourth angel stared one another down, until Churuya turned on the loudspeakers,

"Angel, Hey Angel!"

The crab-like Angel cocked it's skull face to the side as if to say 'yes?'

"Do you like smoked cheese?" She asked cheerfully.

Shamshell unleashed it's energy whips and flung unit one into air, launchin it into a nearby mountain.

Churuya was sprawled over in the insertion plug with... swirly dizzy things in her eyes,

"Nyoron~" :(

**Part three: Kensuke Aida**

Kensuke Aida was fiddeling around with his camera during lunch as he sat across from Churuya, who stood on the table.

"Aida-kun, hey Aida-kun!"

"yes?"

"Did you get super awesome footage of my fight yesterday?"

"Yes. Yes I did. I was totally stoked."

"Yay! Let's celebrate with smoked cheese!" Churuya cheered, pulling a block of smoked cheese out of her lunchbox and handing it to the resident Otaku.

"I can't eat that." He said.

"But why not?" Churuya asked curiously.

"I'm lactose-intolerant"

Churuya frowned, you'd think she'd be used to it by now.

"Nyoron~" :(


	11. Chapter 11

_**Chapter Eleven:**_

_**Estuan Interious, Ira Vehimenti, Asuka! Asuka!**_

"_If Haruhi gets pissed as a result, then you're responsible for dousing the flames, because I'll be running for my life"_

_-Kyon_

In the week after that drunken Sunday, not much of interest happened, except for on Tuesday. Haruhi and Mikuru tackled me on sight when I got to school, crushing me in a hug and praising my 'Super special awesome ass-kicking skills' Those were Haruhi's words by the way. Rei came back from the hospital and joined us for lunch everyday, it was nice to see Haruhi being tolerant and accepting towards Rei. You're welcome. That was the only thing really worth mentioning until the next year, when I did a spit take of beer because Misato told me it was twenty sixteen. Yep, still Bizzaro world.

What I want to tell you about now, started in the week just after new year's, This 'second child' was on her way from Germany to help us fight the angels, and in a few days I would be flying out with Misato to meet her.

I sat with our our little group like it was any other day, eating outside in the **freakin' beyond warm** sunlight.

Haruhi looked bored as usual, and Misato told me something this morning, just in time for me to quell her massive boredome streak, I smirked as I looked at Haruhi,

"Why are you looking at me like that? You're not thinking something perverted are you?" She asked, blushing.

"How do you feel about aircraft carriers and the open sea?" I asked

She looked at me like I had some kind of robot arm growing out of my forehead,

"...What kind of wierd fantasies have you been having?"

"Huh? No! I'm being serious!" I said, taking a bite of my lunch and waiting for her response.

"...I don't know, I've always wanted to be on the Ocean though! I bet that would be really cool!"

I smiled again and turned to Mikuru,

"How about you, Mikuru?"

She looked up from her lunch nervously,

"I uh... I don't know much about boats, and I get seasick easily... I'm sorry! Was this some kind of joke? I didn't mean to mess it up!" I patted her on the head,

"It's nothing like that, don't worry"

"So what's with the wierd question?" Haruhi asked,

"Well... The second child is coming here from Germany, and Misato said I could bring two friends along to meet-" I didn't even get to finish my sentence, because a certain Reality warper jumped over the table -yes, over the table- and tackled me to the ground. Stop doing that! This is school, not football practice!

"Do you really mean it? Really, really, really? Oh my god, you're the greatest!" she was talking excitedly, babbling a mile a minute while she sat on top of me... on my lap. I'm not saying I did or didn't enjoy this.

"An aircraft carrier and the open sea! I can't wait to tell my brother! ...wait I don't have a brother!" She turned to Mikuru, causing her to squeal in terror, "We're going on a cruise, Miku-chan!"

Mikuru looked down to me, wringing her hands nervously,

"Oh, th-that's okay, I'll just stay home, I don't like that kind of stuff so...-"

"Bullshit!" Haruhi called, jumping off of me and wrapping her arms around Mikuru,

"No way I'm leaving my little sister at home, while I go to see cool NERV stuff!"

"But I'm older than you!"

Well I guess that's settled, I got up and looked at Ryoko,

"What?" she asked curiously.

"Misato is being really lax on NERV policy, and if you say anything, I will never speak to you again"

She looked at me like I had just killed a kitten,

"I won't say anything! I promise!"

Rei spoke up,

"My lips are sealed as well, this conversation did not happen"

I knew I could count on you, Rei.

A few days later, I was sitting in a VTOL with Haruhi and Mikuru, who looked like she was about to be sick, she had her head buried in my shoulder, for fear that the craft would just plummet into the sea for no reason. This didn't really seem to bother Haruhi, I figured she would be on Mikuru's case about smothering me... or even looking at me. For some reason, Mikuru seemed to be the only other girl Haruhi wasn't threatened by, which is wierd because Mikuru seemed to be the only girl she was threatened by in the old world. The old world... I sound like some European explorer traveling through America when I keep refering to it like that. But is my situation really all that different? This world is almost completely alien to me, with a few familiar touches, maybe those explorers did feel just like me... nah, they didn't have to deal with giant robots and monsters to my knowledge, maybe grizzly bears and the occasional pissed off natives, but that's nothing compared to this.

"Mikuru, how can you expect to get on that boat if you can barely sit in a VTOL?" She lightly slapped Mikuru's shoulder, causing her to straighten her back out of reflex.

"S-sorry! I've never flown before!"

Oh Mikuru, you can hang onto me anytime, I don't mind, really!

Misato turned around and glared at Haruhi,

"Listen Suzumiya, I'm only giving you a second chance because you're Kyon-kun's friend, so be on your best behavior!"

Haruhi blew a raspberry, "Don't worry about me, the most you have to worry about is Mikuru throwing up!"

Mikuru went pale at the mention of throwing up and dived back into my arm.

Don't worry, I'll hold your hair back if you throw up!

Misato groaned and face palmed, join the club.

"So what's the new guy like?" Haruhi asked excitedly, "I bet he's nowhere near as awesome as Kyon!"

You're too kind...

"Well she's got long red hair and a lively personality!" Misato replied

You're just trying to piss Haruhi off, aren't you?

"Oh, that's sounds- wait, she?" Haruhi screamed, thrashing her arms around in frustration, "At this rate, Kyon's gonna grow boobs, being surounded by so much estrogen!"

Misato chuckled evilly, enjoying Haruhi's frustrations.

I helped Mikuru get off the VTOL once we landed, she really looked like she was going to throw up any minute.

"Ugh! Come on Mikuru, man up! This is a once in a lifetime opporunity and if you think I'm going to spend it all holding your hair in the bathroom, you're very wrong!"

"But I'm a girl!" Mikuru turned to me, "I'll try my best, Kyon-kun..."

"Everything will be fine, Mikuru" I said reasuringly, _I_ was very wrong.

Haruhi was running around the ship looking at everything, something about those old jets really captured her imagination, causing mixed reactions from the carrier's crew, they either groaned in irratation or chuckled in what I hope was good nature. If these old sea-dogs get any wierd ideas in their heads, I will snap some necks.

Haruhi ran in a fangirlish fervor, with her long hair flying wildly in the breeze, probably blocking her vision. She ran head on into a girl with red hair and a scowl that promised pain and suffering to any who annoy her.

Both girls landed flat on their asses and rubbed their heads for a moment, in a mirrored action,

"Hey watch where you're going, moron!" They shouted at each other in unison.

Oh god... why do I have this sensation of impending doom?

"Asuka-chan! Over here!" Misato called, waving at her from where we were standing.

'Asuka' ignored Haruhi and ran over to us, smiling,

"Oh hey Misato, long time no see!"

"You've grown up so much Asuka! I haven't seen you since you were this little!" Misato said, raising her hand to her waist.

"Well I'm not just taller, my figure's filled out too!" 'Asuka' stated, motioning to her... uh, form.

Uh-oh... Haruhi doesn't look pleased.

"Ha! You call _that_ a figure? Check out _these_ guns!" she said lifting up her shirt.

Oh for the love of a non-Haruhi god!

I ran like a star athlete and pulled her shirt back down, before any of these old salts got to see something they shouldn't. Look at them, with those goofy smiles on their faces... I wasn't joking around, I will snap necks!

"Hey what gives! I'm just showing off my superior female form!" She shouted as I wrestled her from behind,

"Haruhi! Dammit... don't even... think about it!"

"If you got it... flaunt it!" she yelled back

Asuka let out a disgusted "Ugh" and turned to me,

"So you're the third child? The so called 'invincible Kyon'?" She asked, "What kind of name is Kyon anyway?"

Don't _even _go there, woman!

Haruhi stomped on my foot.

Jesus christ that hurt!

She got in Asuka's face,

"_Kyon_ means brightness! You're name means _'smell, tommorow'_! That doesn't even make sense! Who the hell are you to talk about the number one Eva pilot like that?"

From looking back, I know that this is not something you tell this girl.

"I'M THE NUMBER ONE!" She thundered, "I'm the only pilot who's had actual training," she then pointed to me, "This loser just has a lucky streak! You just wait, you'll all see!"

I take offense to that!

After that, Haruhi and Asuka ended up strangling one another, I'm not even going to bother narrating that, and I'm also going to skip the part where we met the grouchy old captain and Mister Kaji, as I find it incredibly boring and tedious so I'll skip ahead to lunchtime.

**You should narrate the catfight, I thought it was pretty hot! Miss Suzumiya and Asuka rolling around on the bridge, ripping each other's clothes off... and then Misato joined in with the oil!**

What the? That didn't happen! And how are you narrating?

**Uh hello! I'm Shinji! I can do just about anything!**

Get out of here! Only I can narrate!

**But it's fun!**

GET OUT!

**You suck...**

Ahem... so anyway, we had a meal of sausages and saurkraut, I've never had German food before, but it was pretty good. Mikuru didn't eat, although I can't blame her, poor girl, she still hasn't gotten used to being on a ship. Haruhi, however, scarfed it down like she hadn't eaten in days. I'm pretty sure that girl has a cast iron stomach, I don't think I've ever seen her turn down a meal no matter what it was!

**Are you calling her fat? I bet she'd be so pissed if she heard you say that!**

I'm not calling her fat! And GET THE FUCK OUT! You're ruining my monologue!

**I don't think this is technically a monologue, more of a-**

What did I just say?  
><strong>Sorry! I'm going!<strong>

God, even Haruhi isn't that annoying!

Misato glared at Mister Kaji as Sohryu drooled over him, yeah her full name is Asuka Langely Sohryu, She's german and a quarter japanese, in case you were wondering.

"So, do you have a boyfriend right now?" Mister Kaji asked with a lecherous grin.

I really don't like this guy.

"I don't see how that's any of your bussiness, Kaji" Misato spat at him.

"Oh that hurts, ow," Is there anything that can piss this guy off? He reminds me a perverted Koizumi!Mister Kaji lost interest in Misato and turned to me,

"So Kyon, I hear you're living with Misa-chan-"

"Don't call me Misa-chan!" Misato snarled

"Yep" I said, not really interested in what this jackass had to say,

"So tell me something... is she still so... _wild in bed_?" he asked, raising a sly brow,

I smiled, resting my head on my hand as Misato's face went red,

"What?" Everyone shouted in unison,

Time for some vengence, Misato! I'll teach you to tease me!

I sighed, "Not really, she just lays there and makes me do all the work"

Which in a sense, is technically the truth, not that I've had sex with her or anything, but just living with her is like that.

Mister Kaji did a spit take of the cofee he was drinking, getting it all over the side of Sohryu's head, who was too shocked to take any notice.

He then laughed, catching on to my joke,

"I like you kid! But beware, a sharp tongue can slit your own throat" he said, nodding towards Haruhi, who was gripping the table in a fit of rage, I think she left prints in the wood!

"You better be joking!" she screamed at me,

"I uh...-"

Misato cut me off with a wicked grin,

"Oh... is that how you want to play, Kyon-kun?" she turned to Haruhi, "Oh, Suzumiya~!"

"What?" she spat,

You didn't forget our bet at all did you? You bitch!

"I was joking! I'm sorry, Misato!"

"What? What were you going to tell me?" Haruhi asked, completely forgetting about what was just said, I've always wondered if Haruhi has ADD.

"Kaji!" Sohryu screamed, just noticing she was covered in cofee,

"Uh... sorry"

Sohryu left, saying something about changing.

"Oh, nothing~" Misato teased,

"Tell me! Tell me!" Haruhi practically begged.

Don't you dare!

"Just that kyon has a ponytail fetish~"

...That's what you were holding over me? You bitch...

Mister Kaji scooted closer to me and ran a hand through his hair, which was in a ponytail.

"Well~ Kyon, I don't normaly date guys that are younger than me, but I think I can make an exception for a famous Eva pilot"

"AHHHH!" Haruhi and I screamed in unison

"Just kidding"

I decked him in the face, hard.

"Ow! Okay, I had that coming" He said with a chuckle

Misato was on the floor, her face red from the lack of oxygen, it wasn't that funny!

After Kaji left for 'bussiness', whatever that meant, the rest of us rode up an escalator. Oh joy! More escalators! That snark felt forced...

"What a pig! I can't believe that Kaji guy!" Haruhi shouted, causing Mikuru to flinch.

Misto grabbed Haruhi in a side hug,

"Suzumiya, I had you all wrong! This is the begining of a wonderful friendship!"

"Well of course you had me wrong, I'm an aquired taste!"

For once she's acurate about herself...

"Hey third! Wanna see my Eva?"

Asuka called from the top of the escalator, wearing a red and orange plugsuit.

Not really, but you're probably going to drag me to see it anyway...

I sighed in defeat, preconcieved defeat actually, and said, "Sure why not?"

"Now just hold on!" Haruhi said, strangling me by my tie, Why didn't I change out of my school uniform? "I'm going with you to make sure she doesn't do something dastardly!"

Misato giggled and restrained her,

"You're so cute when you're jealous!"

"I'm not jealous! I have nothing to be jealous over that toothpick!"

"Watch it brat!" Sohryu spat as we met her at the top,

"Let me go!" Haruhi yelled in Misato's expert grip.

"Sorry new NERV policy, you're not aloud anywhere near the Evas"

"What kind of policy is that?" Haruhi screamed.

Misato wasn't joking either, I read the memo. It had Haruhi's name, picture and everything!

"Please calm down, Haruhi!" Mikuru wailed

"What a crybaby! That's what I'll call you!" Sohryu pointed at Haruhi, "Brat!" she pointed at Mikuru, "And crybaby!"

Haruhi might be a brat, and I just might let you get away with calling her that, but you leave Mikuru alone!

Mikuru hid behind Misato as Haruhi looked like she'd rip the woman's arms off and thrash Sohryu at any given moment.

"Haruhi, I'm just gonna go before this scene gets ugly"

"Yeah, smart idea!" She spat as I walked away with Sohryu, "And you better not be goofing off!"

"Like I'd do anything with a twerp like you" Sohryu stated as we were out of earshot.

I almost feel like I'm dealing with Haruhi when I first met her, this girl is a trip! And I don't much care for her.

"Shut up Sohryu"

"So what's the deal with your girlfriend, she on the rag or something? I thought _I _had a temper!"

"She's not my girlfriend!" I shot back.

"Could have fooled me, how can you not see how into you she is? Are you just oblivious?"

"Again, shut up, Sohryu"

"Don't tell me to shut up, you're a nobody!"

"I'm your team leader" I shot back.

...bitch.

"What? How can those idiots make _you_ the team leader! I saw the footage, you just let that brat overpower you!"

"She's a force of freakin' nature, I bet she'd overpower you in a heartbeat"

"I doubt it! I can't believe they made you team leader..."

"This is it! Behold unit two!"

How did you get on top of it?

We were on the deck of the ship under an enormous tarp covering what looked like a mix between a swimming pool and an Eva cage, and Sohryu had just climbed on top of her Eva without me noticing, seriously, how did she do that?

"So why is it red?" I asked, not really giving a shit, I'm not feeding this girl's ego, I have to deal with Haruhi as it is.

"Because red ones go faster, moron!"

"Is that a warhammer reference?" I asked

"Do I look like a nerd?"

"You apparently know what I'm talking about, so... if the shoe fits."

"Fuck you, Ikari!"

Ouch.

There was a rumbling from off in the distance, I looked out and saw something speeding between the ships, knocking them over.

"An angel, here?"

"Why would you just immedietly assume it's an angel?"

I watched the spectacle unfold and saw what looked like a demonic moby dick bite through a battleship like it was plastic.

Yep, Angel. Dammit, will I ever get a break!

I was ignored as she climbed down and threw a duffel bag at me,

"You're fast" I complimented,

"Like I said, red ones go faster!"

"And like _I_ said, warhammer reference"

Blam!

"Ow!" She punches like a man!

"That smart mouth is really aggravating!"

Fuck you, Sohryu...

I pulled a spare plugsuit out of the duffel bag and inspected it,

"This is a girl's plugsuit!"

Sohryu crossed her arms and tapped her feet impatiently,

"Don't be ungrateful! You're lucky I'm generous enough to lend you one of mine!"

Something clicked,

"Wait, do you want me in the Eva with you? Because in my expierience multiple people in one Eva is a bad idea"

"JUST DO WHAT I TELL YOU!"

I sighed and obliged, even Haruhi isn't this explosive! You were right Shinji, I appreciate her so much more

_A/N: After rereading this, I noticed a certain line that might be taken offensively "they didn't have to deal with giant robots and monsters to my knowledge, maybe grizzly bears and the occasional pissed off natives, but that's nothing compared to this" Too any people of native American descent, I apologize if that offended you, I'm a tiny bit cherokee myself, and I hope you realize my intentions were for good natured humor. I am well aware that Evangelion is merely a fictatious anime, and that during the discovery/colonial period a lot of real native Americans were really killed and taken advantage of for land. I am sorry. But with that being said, be proud of your heritage. I know I am._

_Also, I'm pretty sure Kyon means brightness, although I think it's meaning really depends on what symbols you write it in. I don't know, but I'm certain I got Asuka's name translated right._

_Also, I've read a lot of things here and there where Shinji is called 'The invincible Shinji' I'm pretty sure it's cannon, but if not, I apologize for its usage on Kyon. But I'm pretty sure it's cannon._


	12. Chapter 12

_**A/N I've been writing up a storm! Haha, I hope you guys like it, please forgive me though, I'm running out of good Kyon quotes, so you'll probably see quotes from different characters from now on, and in this case, one of my favorite bands; Mastodon. Sorry, I couldn't resist making the reference for this particular angel, it makes so much sense to me. But you guys don't really care about that when Asuka is here! Yay! This is the part where I say: Aww shit! Boutta get real! Ahem, anyway You've probably noticed Shinji has become more and more involved as things go on, and yes, he is so out of character. But if you had his abilities in this fic, wouldn't you spend alot of time amusing yourself?**_

_**So anyway; the usual, please read and review, and constructive critisicm is very welcome.**_

_**Also I just noticed that my chapter numbers are out of whack! I have two chapter sixes! Unless I fixed it, I'm pretty sure I didn't, anyway, since I can't figure out how to edit once these are posted, I'll just go with what should be the right order, I apologize for that, guys. **_

_**Also I really didn't intend for Kensuke and Touji to pretty much disapear, but that's how it happened, I guess Haruhi wanted it, and whatever Haruhi wants, Haruhi gets(uhoh was that a spoiler? You'll find out one day :P)**_

_**Chapter Twelve:**_

_**White whale - Holy grail**_

"_Split your lungs with blood and thunder,_

_when you see the white whale,_

_break your backs and crack your oars, men,_

_if you wish to prevail!"_

_-Mastodon, _

_Blood and Thunder, _

_Album; Leviathon_

I crouched behind Sohryu's seat, waiting for her to launch the Eva. This is so stupid! I have to wear a freakin' girls plug suit, not mention share a plug with this psycho! Although I should know I thing or two about sharing plugs with psychotic women... damn you Haruhi.

Sohryu started saying something in German, which I'm not even going to begin to try and translate, before the system crashed and we were surounded by red lights and foriegn words.

"You crashed it" I stated.

"_You _crashed it, moron!"

Go easy on the insults, I never call you names... to your face.

"How did _I_ crash it?"

"You're causing background noise because you keep thinking!"

Kind of hard not too.

"If you must think, do it in German!"

"Do I look like I know German?" I snarked at her.

"No, you look like an idiot!" she groaned, "Fine, switch to Japanese!" she commanded the Eva, causing it to rise up, using the tarp like a cloak.

"Asuka, is that you?" Misato asked over the communications channel

"Who else would it be?"

"Yare, yare..." I muttered.

"...Kyon-kun, are you in there to?"

"Yep"

"...Why?"

"I wish I knew" I replied

There were scraping noises coming from the channel

"Suzumiya! ...You're interfering... with the mission!" Misato struggled out,

"Kyon! What the hell are you doing in there with a strange girl?-"

"-give that back!"

There was the sound of wrestling, as Sohryu and I looked at one another blankly

"Why do you hang out with her?" she asked,

"I'm still wondering that" I spoke to Misato next, "Misato, let her talk for a minute"

"...fine"

"Kyon? You better not get killed out there!"

I smiled, "Don't worry about me, we've got this situation under control, just let Misato do her job, okay?"

"...Alright" she groaned in defeat.

It sounded as if Misato swiped the mic back, "Alright you two, launch!"

"About time" Sohryu muttered.

"So... how exactly are we going to fight this-" I screamed as Sohryu launched her Eva up into the air, barely missing an attack by the Angel that split the ship in half, I still didn't get a good look at it, but it cut off our power supply.

"Shut up Ikari!"

"I don't like heights!" I said, remembering a very bad situation when Haruhi dragged me to that island.

We landed on another ship, nearly falling over the edge,

"Ready to play some extreme hopscotch?"

Oh come on!

"Not really!" I said as we jumped from ship to ship, until we made it to the main carrier,

"Asuka! Grab the backup power cable!" Misato ordered,

Sohryu balanced the Eva before it sent the whole ship sideways and did what Misato ordered as the Angel charged the carrier.

"Wait, what do we do?" Sohryu asked,

I sighed and gave the Eva a mental command to get the proggressive knive, hoping it had one,

"Hey! Don't order my Eva around, you dumkompf!"

I don't know what a 'dumkompf' is, but I'm guessing it's not a compliment.

"Just use it, guns are pretty useless against these things anyway" I informed her

Sohryu discarded the Eva's makeshift cloak and prepared for the angel's charge, bringing the knife to bare.

"Smile you son of a bitch" Sohryu muttered sadistically.

The Angel jumped on to the carrier, causing unit two to drop the proggressive knife as we wrestled it's gaping maw away from us.

Good lord, it was massive! It was all white with enormous fins and spikes all around it's body.

It had jaws so big, megalodon would swim away in terror!

We managed to push it off the ledge, but it brought us down with it in those nasty choppers.

"What is this, extreme fishing?" I screamed

"Shut up, baka! You're distracting me!"

We fell to the bottom of the sea as the angel abandoned us,

"That's it, fishing!" Misato said over the com.

Me and my big mouth...

"-Kyon! Please don't die! Can you hear me?" Haruhi screamed over the mic

"Yeah, I'm fine, Haruhi!-" Sohryu cut me off,

"Quit interfering with the mission you idiot!" Sohryu yelled back,

"Why you-!"

Misato must have grabbed the mic again,

"Alright, heres the plan!-"

Sohryu and I screamed as the angel chomped down on us like a worm on a hook, it was not a pleasant feeling, I could feel those massive teeth impaling my stomach,

"Okay even better! Open it's mouth! We'll sink some battleships and have them self destruct once the angel swallows them!"

"This plan is insane!" I screamed as Sohryu and I focused all our will into getting the Eva to force the angels mouth open,

"Quit complaining!" She groaned out.

"The ships are almost there, keep it up!"

We finally managed to force the angel's mouth all the way open, just in time for a battle ship glide right in, breaking the angel's teeth and firing all it's ammo into the core, then exploding, sending Sohryu and I up into the air, like a blast from a slingshot. We lucked out and landed back on the carrier, too tired to move anymore.

Afterwords, we got out of the Eva, Sohryu used me as a step stool to get out by the way, and we got on another escalator... I'm so sick of escalators!

"I'm impressed, Ikari" Sohryu said as we headed down,

Finally! I'm not a bad pilot at all.

"Impressed that you didn't pass out from fear!"

...Go to hell, Sohryu.

Sohryu didn't give Haruhi and Mikuru even a passing glance as she passed them, figures, stuck up bitch...

I walked towards them as they were admiring Sohryu's Eva, unaware that I was behind them.

"Yo" I said non-chalantly

Haruhi turned around and screamed in joy, followed by Mikuru's 'eh?' and then another scream of joy, needless to say the girls tackled me to the ground in a hug,

"I was so worried, Kyon! I'm so glad you're okay!"

"M-me to!" Mikuru added

_Slap!_

Haruhi just slapped me, leaving a print on my face.

"What was that for?" there seems to be a pattern in this world...

Haruhi helped me up and buried her head in my chest,

"Don't ever make me worry like that again, you idiot..."

I hugged her back, confused,

"Haruhi, are you... crying?" I asked.

She was definetley crying, so was Mikuru, much more openly, I might add.

She pushed away from me and yelled, "I don't cry! Shut up you-" She cut herself off as she noticed my attire "...what the hell are you wearing?" She was laughing now, and pointing at me. Mikuru joined in with peals of girlish giggling... My humilation... is complete...

The next day, before class started, I talked with Haruhi and Mikuru about the last angel battle,

"I can't believe that Kaji guy just up and left us! What kind of man leaves women and children in an emergency?" Haruhi raged, looking at me, I had to agree, that guy was a dick. He might of had his reasons, but I can tell he probably didn't care about what happened to us.

"Some people are just like that, I guess" I said shrugging

"Yeah, and how about that Sohryu? What a bitch!" Haruhi said, crossing her arms and looking out the window with a glare.

"She wasn't very nice at all..." Mikuru interjected.

I have to agree, Haruhi of all people is a lot more pleasant than Soryhu! I know what I'm talking about too.

"At least we'll never have to see her again... you might, but that's your problem" Haruhi stated grouchily.

The teacher walked in with an anouncement,

"Alright students, before we begin class, we have a new student. Miss, care to introduce yourself?"

the three of us turned in unison to see... Oh god no!

"With pleasure! I'm Asuka Langely Sohryu, Charmed, huh?" She said, giggling girlishly.

You're so fake!

_A**/N: Whoo... so now Asuka is officially in the cast of this fic. ARE YOU EXCITED? I CAN'T HEAR YOU~! Lol, I'm so happy to finally get this far, things ought to be much more interesting now... heheheh.**_

_**Anyway, I'm interested in hearing your thoughts about this fic so far, please read and review! **_

_**I think I might actually be the very first person to actually get this far in an Eva/Haruhi crossover on any fanfiction site ever. Yay me! Bow down and worship me as though I were a god! Nah, just kidding, although you can if you want to.**_

_**But yeah, like I've said before, I'm very interested in seeing more Haruhi/Evangelion crossovers, because it can work! And it's always awesome! **_


	13. Chapter 13

_**Chapter Thirteen:**_

_**Both of You, Hare Hare Yukai Like You Wanna Win!**_

"_It's amazing how much you kiss your own ass"_

_-Kyon_

It had been three days since Sohryu transfered into our class, and Haruhi was not pleased, She couldn't stand Sohryu, and made sure we knew it a few times a day. Rei didn't care for Sohryu either, she found her company to be 'unpleasant' and 'distracting', and Mikuru and I didn't like her either, but you already knew that. Thankfully However, Haruhi's wacky powers didn't seem to do much, a sprinkle of rain here, sometimes it was extra hot outside, but nothing that had me particularly worried. I think the one thing keeping her from changing anything major was the fact that I still spent time with her. Ever since Sohryu transfered, Haruhi had been fighting for my attention, even texting me constantly at night, I didn't really mind, I have trouble sleeping anyway in the land of all things bizzaro.

No, things stayed at a standstill until one morning when I was walking to school,

I was tired, Haruhi had texted me until one in the morning, she was thinking about cutting her hair. I of course liked her long hair, but I missed her short hair as well. On one hand, I'd feel alot more comfortable in this place if Haruhi cut her hair short, things would be a lot more like they were before, in my mind anyway. But on the other hand, no long hair, no extra long ponytail. I'm not sure what it is with me and ponytails, I just see one on a girl and think _'she's pretty cute'_ it adds thirty percent more charm to any girl, in my opinion. Hmm... Sohryu in a ponytail? I'll admit she's got looks, but no matter how much a ponytail changes her charm, it can't hide the ugly personality within. I'm babbling about ponytails, I'm sorry, let me get back to my point,

I was walking through the school campus in the hot sun, with my schoolbag slung over my shoulder. Other students were loitering around before lessons began, which is pretty common in any school really.

I was thinking about the conversation with Haruhi last night when I was broken from my thoughts with a cheery "Guten morgen, baka!" And disaster rolled it's ugly head.

"What's so good about it?" I asked apathetically.

"Your emo! But I guess I can't blame you for being jealous when I'm the most popular girl in school!"

Yeah, I wish I was the most popular girl in school. sarcasm~!

"I could really care less, I'm content with my fanbase" I shot back, "It's not all about who's more popular, I'm more focused on just staying alive"

"Humph! You wouldn't have to worry about staying alive if you had my superior skills! And what fanbase? A few wierdos, like the brat, crybaby and wonder girl? Hah!"

I really hate it when she talks about my friends like that, she barely knows them, or me for that matter!

"Last _I_ checked, I was called the '_invincible Kyon'_"

What do they call you? Nazi? I'd call her a Nazi, but I don't think she looks down on people of any particular race as much as she looks down on the entire world. Plus I'm not going to be a racist by calling a German a Nazi, I imagine a lot of people would be pissed all to hell if they read that.

"You're just lucky! As soon as an angel with real skills show up, they'll be scraping you of the ground!"

We'll see about that.

A girl ran over to where we talking and said, "Y-you shouldn't talk to Kyon-kun that way! He's a really nice person and-and, h-he's saved us plenty of times! It shouldn't matter who's better than who, we're all i-in this together, right?"

Mikuru? Where did she come from? And why is she of all people standing up for me?

"Ugh! Your voice is grating! Get out of here, crybaby!" Sohryu yelled at her,

People gathered around to watch the drama unfold.

Mikuru stood in front of Sohryu, blocking her path, "I'm n-not a crybaby! And I'm not leaving until you apologize to Kyon-kun!"

Wow, that's really brave of you, Mikuru. I didn't think it was a good idea though, Sohryu looked pissed,

"Uh Mikuru, maybe we should just-"

She cut me off and turned, no, ripped her head towards me,

"I can handle this!" She said viciously.

Oh god! How can the voice of an angel(the good kind) and the eyes of a lioness coexist in one body?

I was right! There is an epidemic of bi-polar disorder in Tokyo three! Even Mikuru has it!

"Alright then, you know what they say, if you hit a wall, you just push through it!" Sohryu stated with an evil grin,

What are you implying?

_Blam!_

Mikuru fell on the ground sobbing and clutching her eye,

"You evil rotten bitch!" I screamed, launching my fist at Sohryu, it never made it to her face, because out of nowhere, Rei held my arm in some kind of martial arts grapple... type thing.

"Let go, Rei! You saw what happened, how can you let her get away with that?"

"You told me it was best for pilots to get along, therefore it is illogical to fight amongst ourselves"

"God dammit, I don't care!"

Sohryu walked off with a cheeky smirk, "Well I'm off, have fun being late for class! Auf wiedersehen!"

"Get back here, I'm not finished with you! Dammit Rei, I said let go!"

"Very well" Rei released me, but Sohryu was already gone.

I sighed deeply and balanced myself. Mikuru was still on the ground wailing, so I helped her up.

"What are you looking at!" I yelled at the crowd, causing them to disperse immedietly.

"Mikuru! Mikuru get a hold of yourself!" She was still crying and clutching her left eye. I hope this doesn't leave a mark on her... or there will undoubtedly be hell to pay, and if not from me, from Haruhi for sure. I can't let Haruhi cause any more problems for NERV though, so I'm going to have to find a way to settle this...

"Let me see it, Mikuru," She obliged quietly, but continued sniveling. This just breaks my heart.

Yep, that's definetly going to leave a bruise. God dammit!

I hugged her, causing her to squeak in surprise, "It's alright, I won't let Sohryu hurt you again. Come on, I'll take you to the nurses office" She nodded quietly and walked with me.

I stopped when I realized Rei was still standing there,

"Rei? You should go to class"

"Yes sir."

"Please don't call me sir, Rei." For some reason she had gotten into the habit of calling me sir lately.

"You are the team leader" She stated plainly.

"Just Kyon is fine, Rei"

"Very well, do you wish for me to inform Suzumiya?"

We're not in the Evas, you don't have to take orders from me...

I sighed again, "No, its best she doesn't know while Sohryu is around"

"I shall trust your judgement then" and with that she left. She's a strange one, but I really don't mind, she's a good friend.

I had Mikuru sit down on a bed in the nurse's office. There was no nurse around so I looked around for an ice pack,

"You alright Mikuru?" I asked,

Her eyes were still puffy from crying earlier, "Yes, I-I'll be f-fine"

I found an icepack and put it on her eye, placing her soft hand over it,

"Hold it here, it should keep the swelling down" That's about all I know when it comes to first aid, maybe I should talk Misato into suggesting a first aid class in NERV? I imagine it would come in handy, we are technically soldiers after all, I mean, they have been training us in jujitsu and how to use the AT Fields...

_'we are technically soldiers'_

I let that thought stew in my mind, as I felt my stomach twist in knots.

"Something, wrong Kyon-kun?" Mikuru asked worriedly, I guess I had a very dark expression on my face, "Please don't make that face, it's scary..."

"Huh? Oh I'm fine. Don't worry about me, you're hurt"

"Yeah..." She looked down, taking a sudden interest in her lap, "Haruhi's going to be really upset when she hears about this"

No kidding...

"Maybe you should stay here until school's out, NERV already has a policy about Haruhi"

Mikuru shook her head cutely,

"That won't work, she'll see my eye when we get home, and-"

-"Wait, what do you mean _'_when _we _get home' are you two-"

"-We're not lesbians!"

Why is this such a big issue with these two?

"I... wasn't going to say that" I said awkwardly

"Oh, I'm sorry... people used to tease us about that, because we were always together"

"I take it Haruhi took care of that?"

She nodded her head yes.

I had a very graphic image of Haruhi beating the crap out of kids throughout her school years. Haruhi can be vicious when she wants to be.

"Well... anyway, why do you two live together?"

"I... I was a-adopted!" She began sobbing again.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa! Don't cry! We don't have to talk about it if you don't want to!"

Mikuru stopped crying and still huffed a little, she had a determined look in her eyes.

"No, I have to come to terms with it," She looked me in the eyes and told her tale, "When I was really little, Haruhi's family and mine used to work together at GEHIRN, which is where NERV came from," a few tears began streaming down her eyes, "Both my parents and Haruhi's mom died in some kind of accident, it's still classified... but Haruhi's dad took me in, and we've lived together ever since"

She was crying again, but lightly, so I hugged her.

"I'm so sorry" I said,

"I feel a l-little better that I told someone, thanks for listening Kyon-kun"

"No problem, your my friend, Mikuru," I got up and stretched, "I'll figure something out to occupy Haruhi in the meantime, I gotta get to class, okay?"

"Okay"

I opened the door and was about to enter the hallway when I heard Mikuru say something that chilled me to the bone,

"Don't break Haruhi's heart"

"Huh?"

"I said don't break Haruhi's heart"

"...I didn't plan on it?" this is kind of random.

"If you do, I will never forgive you!"

When a woman threatens to withold her forgiveness, you know she means bussiness... and there's a small chance she might stab you... with a knife... a lot.

"Don't worry about that, Mikuru"

She looked at me strangely,

"Don't worry about what?"

"but you just said... nevermind, are you feeling alright?"

Could she have forgotten? Maybe Sohryu gave her a concussion. I'll have to see if she acts strangely after school, then I'll tell somebody if it looks serious...

"Maybe you should lie down, Mikuru, I'll walk you home after school, alright?"

She nodded her head and laid down.

I left the room with a chill running down my spine. I walked down the hallway slowly, thinking about what had just happened... Mikuru would never stab me... right?

I jumped when a hand waved in front of my face,

"Welcome back, man, I've been talking to you for half a minute now" shinji said, standing to my right.

"Uh... sorry, I just saw something freaky"

"I know, I had chills down _my_ spine! And I've been told I don't have one!"

I sighed, "Do you think Mikuru really forgot what she just said, or do you think she's screwing with me?"

Shinji looked at me, furrowing his brows in thought, "I don't think Miss Asahina is capable of that, she's too much of a sweet heart to be scaring people on purpose"

I thought so too...

"Well, what was that, do you know?"

He looked like he was focusing on something far away again, "I think Miss Suzumiya is behind that"

"Why would she do that?"

He looked at me like I was an idiot, "Do I really have to spell it out for you? You've been dancing around this subject ever since you met the girl, fine I'll say it-"

"-That's not neccesery, I know, alright I know!"

"You don't have to get so defenseive, it's nothing to be ashamed of" he said somberly.

"...Sorry" I apologized. I guess I shouldn't be getting testy with my only ticket out of here, he may or may not be the key, but Shinji's probably my only hope.

"So... about Asuka..."

"What? You want me to forgive and forget? Because that is just not happening!"

Shinji backed away, raising his hands in a non aggressive manner,

"No, no! ...Just do what you have to. Don't hurt her, though... too badly"

We both shared a sadistic smile, "Alright" I said.

"Well I gotta go, good luck with Suzumiya!" He disappeared, melting out of existance.

Lunch time came around and I found myself sitting with Haruhi and Rei, Ryoko had fallen for the charms of the dark side... AKA Soryhu's clique.

"Ayanami, how can you be so pale in this sun?" Haruhi asked, oblivious of the events of this morning.

"I have a skin condition" she stated blankly, eating her completely vegan lunch.

"Well how come you don't burn up? Are you an albino?"

"...Something like that"

I sat quietly eating my lunch and avoiding conversation with Haruhi, I know she's going to explode when she hears the news.

"How come you eat only vegetables?"

"I have a stomach condition"

"What's it called?"

God, she can pester!

"Ayanami syndrome"

"You just made that up!"

"I did not, I am the only known person in the world to have it, therefore it was named after me"

"That's really cool!"

"It is not cool"

Haruhi took a bite of her lunch, "Eh whatever..." She noticed something was off and started to look around, "Hey, where's-"

"-Hey look it's Tsuruya!" I cut her off. And sure enough the green haired chatterbox was walking towards us.

Saved by the genki!

"Hiyas guys! How's Miku-chan, is she alright?"

Nevermind...

"Uh...-"

Haruhi cut me off, "-What do you _mean_ 'is Miku-chan alright'?" she asked worriedly

"Didn't you hear? Sohryu hit her! And Kyon was all like blam! But Ayanami stopped him, it was megas cool! I hope Sohryu gets what's coming to her though, I don't like her!"

Have you ever seen that American movie... the excorcist? Because that's what Haruhi looked like when she turned to me.

"So... _why _am I the last to know about this?"

Her voice is calm, but I can see the fires of hell burning in her eyes!

"I. am going. TO KILL HER!" Haruhi screamed as she sprang up, ready to hunt Sohryu down, until Rei expertly restrained her.

"What are you doing, Ayanami!"

"Killing an Eva pilot is punishable by death, we are mankind's last hope. I believe Asahina would benefit more if you did not die"

Haruhi struggled in Ayanami's grip,

"I wasn't going to actually kill her! Just... slap her around a little... maybe knock a few teeth out"

"Ausaulting a pilot is punishable by imprisonment in a NERV cell, if the pilot is seriously injured"

Haruhi let out a scream of pure rage "God dammit!" Is it just me, or is it getting really, really hot outside? I feel like I might actually get a sunburn if I don't get under some shade in the next five minutes!

Haruhi turned to me, still struggling in Ayanami's grip,

"You!"

"...Me?"

"Your a pilot, they can't touch you, right? You better fix this!"

"Uh... I'm just going to leave now..." Tsuruya said, backing away. Wait, she was still here?

"...You can let go, Ayanami. I'm alright now"

"Very well" Rei said, loosening her grip and returning to her lunch.

Haruhi sat down, glaring at nothing in particular. I think I heard an explosion way off in the distance where she was staring.

Haruhi screamed again, "I hope the next angel _thrashes_ Sohryu!"

and five, four, three, two, one...

My cell rang, as did Ayanami's.

Called it!

"Yeah?" I answered,

"Kyon-kun, hurry up and get to NERV, we've got an angel alert" Misato ordered.

"Got it" I said, followed by Ayanami's "Understood"

"What's going on? Is it an angel?" Haruhi asked worriedly

I packed up my lunch, "Yeah, Mikuru's in the nurse's office, make sure you go get her, alright?"

Haruhi nodded sharply, "Yeah"

The Angel stood in front of us on the outskirts of Tokyo three, just at the water's edge, unmoving.

It looked kind of like the greek omega symbol, not exactly, but close. It stood on two legs with clawed feet like a bird of prey, broad arms shaped like an upside-down U, and it had claws on each hand. I was deployed with Sohryu and surprisingly, Ayanami was also deployed. I wonder when Ryoko's Eva will be repaired? I'd like to take on an angel with a full squad.

I was armed with a pallet rifle, While Ayanami had the chain gun, and Sohryu had some kind of spear. Really? A spear? That's such a stupid weapon for this day and age! Why not some kind of progressive katana? That would ruin an angel for sure!

Misato apeared in the corner of my eye, "Alright Kyon-kun, as team leader, it's your call, so show us your skills!"

"Don't you have some kind of basic plan you want me to follow?" I asked,

She shook her head, "Nope, we know next to nothing about this angel, so it's up to you"

I nodded and sighed, "Alright"

I watched the Angel from a distance, thinking about what to do. We were far away from the city, and had to be deployed here by airdrop, there weren't many buildings for cover other than the few crumbling relics of 'pre second impact', and there weren't very many ports for backup power all the way out here either, so we couldn't just charge it like-

"I'm going in, cover me!"

...Sohryu.

I groaned and grabbed her by the power cord before she could do something reckless.

"Let me go you baka! I can take this angel by myself!"

_'I hope the next angel **thrashes** Sohryu!'_

looks like you'll get that wish after all, Haruhi.

I felt a wicked smirk run across my face,

"Well~ if you think you can handle it, Sohryu!" I said, purposely antagonizing her

"Is that a challenge?" She asked

"I'm just not sure you can handle it..." I said, still smirking

"Just you watch! I'll show you how a pro does it!"

"Knock yourself out" I said, letting go and hoping she really would.

Rei's face popped into my vision, "This cannot end well for Sohryu, as your subordinate, I suggest you reconsider, as it is your duty to keep us safe"

"I am keeping her safe" I replied pleasantly

"I do not... understand?"

"I'm thinking 'long term' safety, she'll learn a lesson from this"

Rei smiled beautifully, "I... understand"

"Alright let's give her some covering fire!"

"Understood"

The rapid barks of my pallet rifle were joined by the whine and roar of Ayanami's chain gun, together we thundered massive shells into the angel, having no effect, as I fully expected, however we stopped firing after Soryhu sliced the angel in half.

"W-well... mision acomplished?" I stuttered unbelievingly

"Hah! Battle should be quick and graceful!"

I hate you so much, Soryhu.

Something happened as Sohryu looked away to make a heroic pose at us, the angel reformed into two creatures. Oh this is just bullshit!

**Get used to it already**

Shut up, Shinji.

The two new angels flanked Sohryu and began punching her back and forth, ever get that award called 'punching bag' on super smash brothers? That's pretty much what happened.

Sohryu screamed obscenities in German as they pretty much beat the crap out of her, at least I think they were obscenities, they didn't sound like compliments.

"Ayanami, fire! You take the one on the left, I'll take the one on the right!"

"Understood"

They seemed to be weaker as individuals, and flinched as the bullets hit them. The one on the right got the bright idea to use Sohryu's Eva as a meat shield as the other hid behind his buddy.

"Quit shooting me you idiots!"

"Cease fire, Rei!"

She said nothing, but stopped firing anyway.

"What do we do?" Rei asked.

I really didn't know, as long as they had Sohryu, we couldn't fire, but they couldn't attack. unless we flanked them, this would be a long day. It was a risky manouver, but I think we could-

The angels tossed Sohryu at us and flipped around, as if they were dancing, and used the distraction to fire a storm of laser beams at Rei and myself, knocking us back, and doing some major damage to our armor in the process.

"Dammit! I'm done foolin' around!" I opened a link to the JSSDF,

"This is general-"

"-Knock em' on their asses!" I screamed in frustration, causing general Yubari to flinch, "Uh... copy that, pilot"

"Rei, open fire! Don't stop until you're out of ammo! Sohryu! Pick up a gun and start blasting, **NOW**!"

Sohryu didn't say anything but grabbed a cannon and started blasting guided missiles at the angels.

We were still blasting the angels when a large squadron of Mitsubishi F-2's swooped in and delivered a payload of tomahawks, followed by a rain of mortar shells. The angels were still standing, but barely.

Rei stopped firing, "I am out of ammo"

"...Me too" Sohryu added.

I ran to a weapons cache and grabbed a few proggressive axes, tossing them to Rei and Sohryu.

"Ikari?" Sohryu asked, dumbfounded as she held the axe in one hand. I hadn't noticed earlier, but the angels must have broken her other arm.

I was not feeling like myself at all, I think Nagato must have given me stimulants again, because I was raging.

**Rage quit: Angel battle!**

You're not funny!

"Charge!" I screamed, running towards both angels, my wingmen followed suit.

When I was about a spear's(eva sized) length away I hurled my axe into one of those bastard's faces. Nagato undoubtedly helped me with that, there's no way I could have managed that on my own. I grabbed my proggressive knife and jumped on top of the angel, stabbing it's core as Rei and Sohryu started hacking away at the other one.

"Hit it's core!" I screamed, still stabbing away at the angel. It tried to throw me off, but I was in no mood to let that happen. Soon both angels took all the damage they could take and exploded, knocking the three of us far way inland.

The Evas had to get a few major repairs, but the mission was deemed a success. Sohryu was suffering from what they call 'Eva sympathy pain' and had to have her arm in a sling, Rei and myself however, came out unscathed, with only some minor bruising. After I got out of the shower and changed, I couldn't hold back my bloodlust and had to hit something, an unlucky locker happened to be my victim.

I remember a soft voice saying something before I got out of the Eva,

_'Avoid human contact until you get home'_

It was Nagato, no denying it.

"Kyon" Rei's similarly soft voice called

"What is it Rei?" I said, trying not be snappy with her, nor looking in her direction.

"I am worried about you, are you consuming steroids?"

I took a deep breath and spoke through gritted teeth,

"No, Rei, can you just leave? I'll see you tomorow"

"Very well" She said, leaving.

I looked at the dent I made in the locker, it was pretty deep.

I noticed something as well,

"Ow!" I screamed, holding my fist.

The ride home was silent as I stared out the window, trying to avoid any form of contact.

"so... Kyon-kun... you okay?"

Oh my god, Misato's voice is so annoying! How could I not notice that before?

"Yeah, I'm fine" I said coldly.

"You sure you don't want to talk about anything?"

Oh, there's one little thing bothering me!

"Yeah actually, why is Sohryu in the car?" I almost yelled,

Sohryu sat in the back quietly, avoiding eye contact in the mirror.

"We'll talk about that later" Misato said.

After we came home, I grabbed a jug of milk and poured myself a glass. I pounded about four glasses, that seemed to calm me down. Although I definitely wasn't calcium deficient today, if you were wondering.

I joined Misato at the table, sitting next to Sohryu, who scooted away from me slightly.

"You feeling better, Kyon-kun?"

"Yeah" I said tiredly, resting my elbow on the table and my head in my hand.

"Good!" Misato said cheerfully.

"...So why am _I_ here?" Sohryu asked annoyedly.

"I'm glad you asked!" Misato cheered, she turned to me, looking angry, "First thing, Kyon-kun, you let Asuka get hurt on purpose!"

"And how would you know that?" I asked crossing my arms.

"We were monitoring the Eva communications because we heard of you and Sohryu's little spat, that's how!" she said with glare.

I shut up immediately.

"And you," She turned to Sohryu, "I heard about what you did to Kyon's friend today"

"You mean the crybaby? She started it!-" I cut her off from her snide remark,

"There was no reason to hit her! You're lucky Ayanami was there to-"

"Enough! Both of you!" Misato thundered, "This is exactly why I signed up to be Sohryu's legal guardian!"

"What?" Sohryu and I cried out in unison.

"You two are going to learn to get along, and if it means having to live together, so be it!"

"You expect me to live with this psycho?" Sohryu said, slamming her hands on the table.

"I'm not thrilled about this either, Sohryu" I said, crossing my arms.

I guess I scared her today when I went berserk on Nagato's stimulants...

"Kyon just had a little case of bloodlust, it's actually pretty common in soldiers! He's not a psycho, he's been living here with me for a while now, he's pretty sane" Misato said in my defense.

_'Soldier' ..._why does this word form a ball of icy dread in my stomach?

"You didn't have to listen to him today! He went insane!"

"Bloodlust!" Misato barked back

"Whatever! This is so unfair..."

"Your just going to have to get over it!" Misato replied

I stood outside in the scorching sun with Mikuru before class began, she had developed a black eye like I had predicted yesterday.

"You feeling alright, Mikuru?" I asked, checking my lunchbox for poison. Sohryu threw a fit this morning when she ordered me to make her lunch and I told her to go to hell.

"Oh, I'm fine!" She said cheerfully, beaming at me, "Haruhi has a surprise for you, too!"

A surprise? Could it be what I think it is? ...wait, what do I think it is?

"Hey, Ikari!" It was meat head and... er, Suzuhara and Aida.

"Oh, hey guys" I said cautiously, not that I was scared or anything, I fight angels for a living!

Suzuhara looked down at his shoes,

"Listen man, I was way out of line when I decked you, I'm really sorry"

I smiled, is that all? "Don't worry, I'm sorry about your sister, if I knew she was there, I would have been more careful"

Suzuhara smiled back, "She's a lot better now, don't worry about it!"

He extended his hand, and I took it, shaking it.

"So, I heard about what happened at school yesterday, I don't believe in hitting girls, but I wouldn't have blamed you if blue hadn't stepped in" He said, with an amused grin

I looked at him with a 'huh?'

"Blue? You mean Rei?" I asked. I guess she has a nickname other than wondergirl.

"Yeah, that's what we've always called her," He turned to Mikuru, "So how are you, Miss Asahina?"

Mikuru didn't make eye contact, she had gone into shy mode again, "Oh... I'm f-fine"

Suzuhara turned back to me, "So about when I decked you, I won't feel right unless you hit me back, come on, free shot!" he said, putting his arms behind his back.

"Uh..."

"He means it man, go ahead!" Aida chimed in,

"That's alright, Suzuhara, I don't even care about that anymore" I said, trying to avoid any form of violence for the day.

"Come on man, it's cool!"

"I'll take you up on that!" said a girl's voice,

_Blam! _

"Ow!" Suzuhara was sent flying to the ground,

"Was that really neccesery Haruhi?" I asked as she picked the jock up by his shirt,

"Not really," She turned to Suzuhara, "Nice to see you've developed a few brain cells, now I have a favor to ask of you two!" Suzuhara tried not to shake visibly as Aida watched in fear,

"Y-yes, anything Suzumiya!"

Haruhi smiled, wait a second I just noticed something...

"I hear you guys have been taking photos of Sohryu and selling them, I want some!"

"O-of course! And for free!" Suzuhara then eyed her strangely, "Wait, why do you want photos of Sohryu?"

"What are you implying, meat head?"

"Nothing!"

"That's what I thought!" She pushed Suzuhara to the ground, "Now get out of here! And make sure their really embarassing!" Haruhi called after them as they ran away.

After a prolonged silence, I spoke up,

"You cut your hair!"

Haruhi ran her hand through it and smiled, "Yeah what do you think?" She asked happily

"I think it looks gorgeus" I blurted out.

Haruhi blushed and looked away, chuckling nervously, "Your so sweet!"

Well, that went well, for a second I thought she'd dropkick me for being perverted or something.

"Yeah... So why did you want pictures of Sohryu?" I asked curiously, avoiding the subject.

She smiled and pointed at me, "I'm glad you asked! Next time she pisses me off, I'm going to take the most embarassing pictures my minions can bring me, and glue them to the chalkboard in class! It'll be really awkward!"

Minions? I still don't know if she's gotten better or worse in this world, she never refered to me as 'minion' in the old world anyway.

She turned to me happily and asked, "So, how did the fight go yesterday?"

Oh boy...

"...Well, I've got good news and bad news" I said,

"What's the good news?" She asked, not noticing my cautious tone,

"Well... we beat the angels, and Sohryu's arm is in a sling now-"

Haruhi burst out laughing, "Are you serious! I've got to see this! So what's the bad news?"

"Uh... well...-"

"-Spit it out already!" she said impatiently

"Sohryu's living with me now!" I blurted out.

Haruhi paused, proccessing the information as Mikuru and I watched fearfully.

The sun came out of the clouds and began it's scorching assault, do I smell burnt shoes?

"...WHAT!"

Today's forecast, Scorching heat and a chance of doom!

_A/N: I must Lol. Lol! There I went. You're probably wondering, 'hey man, why didn't they do the dance? The dance! Just dance-dance! Just dance!' what's go-in on, on the floor?-' No! We will not be doing that! I never really liked that episode anyway, And Kyon and Asuka, syncing together? Impossible! Not to mention Haruhi is pissed beyond reason enough as it is. I had an idea for them to play on that dance machine, Asuka failing, and then Haruhi and Kyon showing off their magic hare hare yukai dance, but I scrapped it, because I know nothing about dancing, so I improvised with wanton violence! Yay! _

_So, Sohryu is living with Kyon, how will Haruhi manage to keep her temper under control? And where is Gendo? Lets find out next chapter._


	14. Chapter 14

_A/N: So yeah... this is a filler chapter before the magma diving part. All the kids are about to go to Okinawa, except the pilots, how sad, boo hoo. By the way, that angel bores me, so I'm skipping it, because I can. Anyway... let's see what happens next. Here... we go!_

_**Chapter fourteen:**_

_**No Trip For You!**_

"_give us a sign that tells us when to laugh"_

_-Kyon_

The past week has been utter hell! Scorching heat, matching Haruhi's temper, and not to mention Haruhi's been texting me nonstop, from the time I get home to the time I go to bed! Haruhi and Mikuru both stopped wearing their Nerve clips, because Sohryu wears her's everyday, and speaking of the red devil, Sohryu is driving me nuts at home! She kicked me out of my own room because all her crap wouldn't fit in the spare bedroom! I am this close to strangling her! I'm not kidding! If Haruhi's mood doesn't let up, I will end up in the looney bin, this heat is **killing** me!

Finally on wednesday, the teacher anounced something that did manage to settle Haruhi down, thank god! The class was having a trip to Okinawa for the weekend, but I'd bet an entire paycheck that NERV wouldn't let me go, I was right by the way, maybe I should start making bets, I'd probably be able to buy NERV in no time.

At home, I sat at the table, finishing my dinner as Sohryu bitched about, you guessed it, not being able to go to Okinawa.

"You're telling me I can't go to Okinawa? I'm on permanant standby? Why?" She thundered, slamming her hands down on the table to emphasize her point. Her arm had recovered nnow and was out of the sling by the way.

"Because it's your job" Misato shot back non-chalantly.

"Well, what idiot decided that?"

"This idiot, your operation planning manager"

How does Misato manage to not kill this girl?

Sohryu turned to me angrily and yelled, "Ikari, Why don't stop stuffing your face and talk some sense into this woman! Act like a man!" She ordered.

Bitch, I don't take orders from you.

**Nice one, Kyon!**

Thank you.

I pushed my plate away, sighing, and faced the raving red head, "And just who would defend NERV if an angel decided to attack?" I asked, trying to inject some logic into her.

"Wonder girl obviously!" She declared, completely uncaring of anyone but herself.

"And why should Rei stay behind? Maybe she'd like to go too, or maybe your just so full of yourself that you could care less?" I shot back.

"Full of myself? Hah! Last I checked, _my _sync score was a eighty, while you and wonder girl are barely above sixty!"

"Then by that logic, you should stay behind while Rei and I go, since you're apparently the best"

Sohryu pulled her hair in frustration, "Ugh! I can't stand you and you're smart mouth!" She screamed running back to her room to sulk.

I leaned back in my chair and sighed again,

"You look down, Kyon-kun, want to talk about something?" Misato asked, putting her can of beer on the table.

There were certain things I wanted to talk about, but the only person who I could talk about it with wasn't here. I can't believe that I actually miss Koizumi.

"Not really..." I said, staring up at the ceiling.

"It's girl problems, isn't it?" Misato teased.

Ugh... why the teasing?

"Something like that," There is one thing I can tell Misato without sounding like a nut though, "I guess I'm just worried about Haruhi-"

"-Ooh~!" Misato cooed,

I rolled my eyes and continued, "You heard about what happened with Sohryu and Mikuru the other day, right?"

"That's one of the reasons that Asuka's living here, you know"

"Yeah... I know. It's just that Haruhi is pretty pissed about it, and she's in enough trouble with NERV as it is, I'm worried that she'll do something stupid and I'll never see her again"

"Aww~! You're such a sweety Kyon-kun~!"

"So I'm told" I said, leaning forward and facing Misato. Whoa, headrush!

"Just spend time with Suzumiya, that should keep her occupied and happy" Misato stated.

"There's nothing to really do until I get paid" I said, placing my head on the table, tired.

"Oh! That reminds me, here!" Misato pulled a black card out of her pocket, "This was in your mailbox today, it's your official NERV bank card"

I took it out of her hand and observed it, it had my name, pin number and a red NERV logo in the background,

"NERV bank card? So I don't have to deal with cash now?"

"Yep! Every month your money goes straight to your bank account"

This is awesome! I don't have to count money anymore!

I got up and stretched, asking, "Hey you don't mind if I go out for a while do you?"

"Just be back by midnight!"

I put my shoes on, "Alright" And headed out the door.

"Oh, Kyon!" she called after me before I shut the door,

"Huh?" I asked, poking my head back in.

"If you go into battle, put a helmet on that soldier!"

what does that mean? She then through a condom wrapper at me...Oh, shut up Misato!

I laughed, causing her to give me a deadly serious expression,

"I mean it Kyon, the last thing you need to worry about is getting a girl knocked up!"

I didn't plan it...

The night air was pretty refreshing, I like warm weather, but a guy can only handle so much heat. I walked down the street towards a nearby cofee shop and stepped in, taking in the sight of something I found incredibly comforting and nostalgic. It looked almost exactly like the cofee shop the brigade frequented in the old world, except slightly larger.

I sat down and texted Haruhi as I waited for some service.

I had invited Haruhi and Mikuru to come join me and gave them directions on where to find me, needless to say, Haruhi obliged immedietley when I told her it was my treat.

I took a sip of cofee and almost spit it out as Haruhi shouted, "Hi Kyon!"

"When did you get here?" I asked, motioning for them to sit down.

"So why did you invite us? Did something bad happen?" She asked cautiously

"No I just-"

"-Did Sorhyu die?" she asked excitedly

"I'm afraid not, I just-"

"-Oh my gosh! Did they make me a pilot!" She asked eagerly

stop interupting me!

"God no."

She slumped down in her seat sadly, "Then why did you invite us?"

If you didn't interupt me, you'd know already!

"I was just bored, I thought you two might have wanted to hang out"

"Oh... yeah, it's better than hanging around at home" Haruhi huffed

I turned to Mikuru and smiled, "Your eye is healing up"

She giggled and beamed at me, "Yeah, I'm hoping it goes away before we go to Okinawa though!"

Okinawa... too bad I can't go with them too.

"So what are you going to do when we go to Okinawa, Kyon?" Haruhi asked, looking through a menu.

"I can't go, we're on permanent standby in case an angel attacks"

She slammed the menu down, "What? Okinawa won't be any fun without you! Miku-chan and I are just going to walk around with nothing to do!"

"You don't get an allowance or anything?" I asked.

Mikuru looked sad when I asked that.

"No! My dad took our allowance away after that Eva incident! He was grilled at work for it... it's not my fault you let me in the Eva!"

It kind of is...

"Hold that thought", I said, getting up and walking over to a nearby ATM.

I came back with sixty nine thousand, eight hundred and fifty two yen, which is roughly about six hundred dollars American, for those of you who don't know the conversion rate.

"Here, split this between the two of you" I said, handing both girls the fat stack of cash.

"W-what? We can't take this, Kyon! That's your money!" Haruhi cried out, trying to politely reject it,

I chuckled, "That's barely a fourth of what I made this month, go on take it! What am I going need all that cash for anyway?"

"Th-that's s-still not right, Kyon-kun, you earned that!" Mikuru stated nervously.

"Just bring me back something cool from Okinawa, okay?"

"well... alright, if you insist" Haruhi said, giving up.

The three of us sat and talked for a while, I didn't mind at all, I quietly listened to them talk about what they were going to do when they went to Okinawa this friday. You know, before all this universe merging crap, I wouldn't have sat here and listened to Haruhi blab about her plans all night. I guess I had learned to appreciate times like this and all the memories it brought back. I'd give anything right now to have my world back to the way it was, I'd even put up with Haruhi's crazy schemes and metaphysical messes just for some normalcy, well normalcy for me anyway. I suppose the lesson here is don't take anything for granted, because you never know when something will be snatched away with barely a moment's notice.

The pilots were pulled out of school the next day for a sync test, I haven't made any mention of these because they're actually pretty boring and really not worth mentioning. We have at least two a week, but they aren't scheduled on any certain day, it's pretty random. We basically just sit in the Evas and meditate for an hour, not very interesting. The only thing that makes this particular test worth mentioning is Nagato.

I was just sitting quietly in my plug, minding my own bussiness when suddenly things got a little brighter. Normally the insertion plug is pretty dark, which makes it easier to focus, so when I can sense light through my eyelids, I'm going to notice.

I opened my eyes and found myself sitting alone in Nagato's apartment. Looking around, I found that everything was just as I remembered it. I stood up and looked out the window, noting the inky darkness outside, There was absolutely nothing to see.

_'What's going on?'_ I thought to myself, before I heard soft footsteps behind me.

I turned around to see Nagato standing by the table, wearing her school uniform as she always did. I hadn't noticed it before, but I was wearing my North high uniform as well, blazer and all.

"What the? Wasn't I just wearing a plugsuit? Why am I in my school outfit?" I asked myself.

"It is something that you identify yourself with" She stated in her trademark monotone

I walked over to her and wrapped her in a hug, "I missed you Nagato"

She didn't hug back, but said, "I... have missed you as well"

I let go of her and looked around again, "This isn't really your apartment is it?" I asked.

"Correct, this is our shared absolute territory. You identify this place with safety, and I identify it as home, therefore our absolute territory takes this shape"

I frowned, "When you say absolute territory-"

"Correct, AT Field" Wow, Nagato rarely cuts me off.

"So you really are in the Eva..."

"Yes"

"What's it like? Are you alright here?"

"I do not mind, it is a unique expierience, please sit down."

I obliged and sat across the table from her,

"So is there something you wanted to tell me? Is that why you brought me here?"

"...No"

"You're bored aren't you?"

She didn't say anything.

"Do you want to talk about anything?" I asked.

"Yes"

"What do you want to talk about?"

"I do not have any particular preferences" That's Nagato for 'I don't care', by the way.

"Alright..." I looked up at the ceiling, thinking about a topic, "...what are the angels?"

"I do not have sufficient data" She replied.

"Oh... okay then. ...Has Shinji been telling me the truth?" I asked

This seemed to catch her interest,

"Ikari Shinji is trustworthy, despite his lack of stimulation and over all annoyance factor"

"I don't know what that last part means, Nagato"

"He is bored and attempts to amuse himself by annoying you"

I knew that already...

"So what exactly is going on, when can I go home?"

"It is not time for you to know that"

"Am I going to be stuck here forever?" I asked nervously

"No, things will be placed back to the natural order eventually"

That's a relief. I don't know what I'd do if I was stuck in Bizzaro world for the rest of my life.

Conversation with Nagato is never very entertaining, but she is straight to the point, I'm thankful for that.

"So... out of all the universes out there, why this one?"

"Our universe was the optimal choice, and Ikari Shinji calculated that you were the best person in the multiverse to replace him. Your personality is best suited for this situation"

"I see, do I have time for one more question?" I asked, starting to feel my body calling back on earth.

"One more"  
>"What exacatly is this 'absolute territory'?"<p>

"Absolute territory is your conciousness, or soul. It is what makes beings individuals. The physical field is refered to as the light of one's soul, as it is made of waves of light and controlled by one's force of will"

I was starting to fade away now,

"I think I have to go now, Nagato. It was nice talking to you" I said waving.

"Yes, I found this enjoyable as well. You will always be safe in unit one"

I opened my eyes and took a deep gulp of LCL, bleh.

Doctor Akagi's face popped into my vision,

"Kyon-kun, Are you alright?" She sounded worried

"Yeah, why?"

She looked over to something offscreen, "Your sync rate went over one hundred for a few seconds, are you certain you're feeling alright? Any dizziness? Numbness? Anything unusual?"

"I'm just peachy" I said, stretching in the plug.

"It must have been a computing error... Alright, tests are over, you can go home now"

Oh thank god! I hate being cooped up in these things!

I laid on my bed that night playing pokemon silver for gameboy color, I had tried to find a decent game system on my way home, but not one shop had much of anything more advanced than a Sega genesis, I asked for a PS2, but nobody seemed to know what I was talking about, so I settled for this. Maybe this second impact put a major damper on consumer technology? That would explain my laptop and cell phone. There was one good thing I noticed about the cell phone that was pretty cool though, it didn't have many features, but it could hold a charge for about three or four days and could get a signal anywhere, I learned that by forgetting to charge it. I guess NERV wants to be sure they could get a hold of us in any situation.

"Ooh! Is that pokemon?" Shinji asked, appearing out of nowhere again.

"Yep"

"Neat"

"So what's up?" I asked, not taking my eyes off the screen,

"Nothing much, just that Ryoko's Eva will be repaired pretty soon"

"That's good"

"I hope so..." Shinji trailed off.

I put the gameboy down and looked at him, who was sitting upside down on the ceiling. I'm not even going to snark.

"Why are you so worried?" I asked

"No reason really, I just subscribe to murphy's law"

Murphy's law is basically a philosophy that revolves around the phrase; 'anything that can go wrong, will go wrong'. I've found this to often be true.

"You shouldn't be so pessimistic, Shinji. I'm sure it will be fine"

"I've been told that before, didn't do me much good"

This kid is pretty deppressing sometimes, I can't help but pity him.

"So is there anything else I need to know?" I asked.

Shinji looked down, with that far away look for a moment and then said, "Don't let Asuka die, there's some risky stuff coming up, so be prepared"

Risky stuff huh?

"What do you mean?"

"You'll see, I have to go now, night"

"...night" I replied, left wondering what he meant.

Screw it, I rolled over and tried to get some sleep.


	15. Chapter 15

_A/N: Ugh! Everyhting is so slow! that's it! I'm kickin it up a notch! PREPARE FOR MORE ACTION! MORE TWISTS! AND SOMETHING COMPLETELY OUT OF LEFT FIELD!_

_As you can see, I am very frustrated writing this, therefore, things are going to get crazy, enjoy._

_Hmm... we haven't seen Gendo for a while, let us... adjust that, shall we?_

_**Chapter Fifteen:**_

_**Slave to the System**_

"_I don't suppose anyone can live if they've had a knife stabbed right through their heart?"_

_-Kyon_

"_Ryoko Asakura is a flawed program, it would be best if she were deleted"_

"_Go ahead, you despise her anyway, one less problem if you ask me"_

"_Kyon don't do it!"_

"_Nagato!"_

I woke up in a cold sweat breathing deeply, I don't know what exactly I was dreaming about, but it was pretty intense. I got up and got myself a glass of water, trying to take in the waking world. I sat down in the kitchen, thinking deeply. The sun was just begining to rise over Tokyo three and Misato and Sohryu were still in bed. It had been a few days after I had given the girls that fat stack of cash, it was friday already. The pilots didn't bother going to school, since we couldn't go to Okinawa, and I hadn't heard anything from Shinji since then. It was quiet in the apartment, too quiet, allowing my mind to flood with images of that awful dream, whatever it was. I remember something about Ryoko and the Evas and a lot of blood. I couldn't take the silence, and I couldn't stop thinking about Ryoko, so I dialed her number.

She didn't pick up right away, so I had to listen to the other end ring a few times.

"_She's probably still asleep, how could I be so stupid?" _I thought, scolding myself.

I was about to hang up, until I heard a very groggy, _"Kyon-kun? What's up?" _On the other line.

"Uh... Nothing really, how are you?" I asked drowsily.

"_Tired, why did you call?"_

Why did I call? And why do I have my stomach twisted in a knot? I feel worried for some reason...

"No reason..."

there was a yawn on the other end, _"You want to get a cup of coffee? I have trouble going back to sleep once I'm up, so I might as well do something with an early start!" _She said cheerfully.

We met up at the same coffee shop I talked to Haruhi and Mikuru in the other day, and sat down at a booth.

"Are you awake yet, itoko-chan?"

I yawned a little and looked through the menu as she continued talking,

"You know, just because your eyes are open, doesn't necceserily mean you're awake, you have to accept the reality around you, and then you'll begin to understand"

I remember she said that to me once, but that felt like such a long time ago...

I still didn't say anything as I sat my menu down.

"You look worried, is something on your mind?" She asked, _she_ sounded worried to me.

"I don't really know, you ever have a feeling in your gut, that something important is about to happen, but you don't have the slightest clue of what it might be?" I asked, staring off into space.

Ryoko was silent for a few moments, then she spoke, "You've got the feeling too, huh? They call that intuition..." She said, trailing off.

I still didn't say anything, so she spoke again,

"You know, we don't talk much anymore, I guess you must feel like I abandoned you guys for Miss Sohryu, huh?"

A cheery waitress came by and took our orders.

Too be honest, I didn't really mind that she was friends with Sohryu, I've always felt kind of on edge when she was around, but... I really shouldn't have, those stabbing incidents were in the past, world's away even!

"I don't feel that way cousin, thing's have just been getting kind of heavy lately..." If I had known what was to come, you can bet I would have said differently.

"You've grown attached to Haruhi, I've noticed that... so that's why I've been hanging out with Miss Sohryu, I didn't want to get in your way..." She sounded deppressed, I could have sworn she whispered something sounding like, "Makes me jealous..."

"Huh?"

"Oh, our drinks are here!" She thanked the waitress for her coffee.

I took a sip of mine, savouring the taste, "I guess I have grown attached to her"

She smiled in a sad kind of way, "There's no denying it, you two are soulmates!"

"Soulmates?"

She nodded, "Well yeah! I've noticed how you two are always together, you even finish each other's sentences from time to time, it's cute actually... it's like you've known each other in another life"

She didn't know it, but we did. And I can honestly say I don't know anyone nearly as well as I know Haruhi, but have we really been finishing each other's sentences? I hadn't noticed.

Ryoko's phone began ringing suddenly, she answered it instantly out of reflex.

"Hello? Yes... what?" She was smiling excitedly, "Uh-huh? Yes... Right away!" she hung up and beamed at me, "You're not going to believe this! My Eva's been repaired and they're going to do an activation test on the outskirts of town!" She cheered, uncaring of who heard.

I tried to act happy for her, "That's great!" I said.

She got up, completely forgetting her coffee and headed for the door, but she stopped and hugged me, "This just might be the happiest day of my life! Maybe daddy will finally pay attention to me!" she said, refering to the commander.

I hugged her back awkwardly, "Be safe, Ryoko"

She nodded and ran out of the shop, elated, leaving me with the bill.

I sat there for a while, barely drinking my coffee, why did I feel a sense of impending doom?

I was back home, sitting on the balcony, just looking at the clouds. Out of the corner of my eye, I thought I saw a black mist zip through the sky towards the outskirts of town, but I figured it was just my imagination. I suddenly didn't feel very comfortable outside, so I went back in to watch TV.

Sohryu was up and dominating the TV, but I didn't really care what was on, so I sat down next to her and zoned out for a while,

"_Darn you Kakka carot cake! You am no **real** super sand!"_

"_What do you mean, Virginia?" _

"Hey baka, where did you go earlier?" Sohryu asked grouchily.

Not a morning person, huh?

"I went out" I said simply, what's it to her what I do?

"_I'm going... to fight you... and I'm going... to kill you... until your dead... today!"_

"_Noooooooo!"_

"Fine, don't tell me, I don't give a damn"

Then why did you ask?

_smack!_

"_Argh! I am defeated! Ugh... argh! You big smelly willy!"_

"_That's what you get for acting demented, virginia!"_

What the hell is this show?

"_Defeating a sandwich... only makes it tastier!"_

Is that a troll doll?

"So, I guess you must be pretty lonesome without the brat and the crybaby, huh?"

"They have names, you know" I shot back.

"_I'll be back... ka... kakka... ka... faggot!"_

"Like I care, how can you stand-" she was cut off as both our cell phones rang.

I gripped the pallet rifle tightly in the Eva's hands, there had been an angel alert all of a sudden and Sohryu, Rei and myself were deployed, Ryoko and Misato however, were nowhere to be found.

I opened up a video link, "Where's Misato and Ryoko? Who's in charge?" I asked worriedly.

"That would be me," The commander said, opening a video link, "Do not concern yourself with them right now, just focus on the target"

This just doesn't feel right, why is my so called uncle taking command, and where is the angel?

"...Sir?"

"Angel dead ahead, be careful, pilots!" Mister Aoba shouted, strangely being the only one on the bridge. Where were the other's?

I saw a hulking figure out of the corner of my eye staggering towards us like a zombie and began firing out of reflex, Rei and Sohryu joined in with their rifles as well, "What the?" I gasped, that wasn't an angel, that was an Eva!

"Rei, Sohryu, cease fire!" I called, only to be overuled by the commander,

"Belay that, keep firing on the target" He said apathetically.

"But sir! Isn't that Ryoko's Eva?" Sohryu cried, refusing to fire any longer. Rei followed the commander and kept firing, "Rei, stop! It's Ryoko!"

Rei stopped as the Eva continued lurching towards us, opening a video link, Rei asked, "Kyon?"

"Ayanami, you will fire on the target" The commander ordered emotionlessly.

"Don't do it Rei!"

"That's an order pilot!"

"Rei!"

"Ayanami!"

Rei looked back and forth between us on her screen, and bowed her head, "I am sorry Kyon, I cannot betray the commander's orders..." She took off and charged the Eva

Sohryu opened a video link to me, "Maybe we can subdue it and pull her plug out?" She asked, worried for her friend. It seems the red devil had a heart after all.

"Yeah, good idea" I said, causing her to nod and close the link.

Rei had pulled her proggressive knife out and was attempting to take on Ryoko's Eva hand to hand, but got blasted away by it's AT field for her troubles. I hadn't seen a field this strong before, it was so strong that it was clearly visable in the sunlight!

The Eva jumped into action as Sohryu tried to tackle it to the ground, flinging her away with it's field and roaring like a wild beast. I don't know how, but Ryoko's Eva must have some kind of infection. The Eva got on all four's, changing it's form slightly by bulking up, it's arms began to grow longer too. This isn't happening!

Rei recovered from her fall and charged the angel with her knife, trying to impale it, but was met with failure once again as the monster launched itself in the air and landed on her back, sending her Eva crashing to the ground.

I could hear Rei screaming over the com channel as the angel roared and began ripping armor off of her Eva's back.

"Wondergirl!" Sohryu screamed, firing a wild burst from her rifle to get the angel's attention, it did by the way. Seemingly irratated, the Angel jumped off Rei's back and began charging on all fours to Sohryu's position, covering the distance in no time. Sohryu screamed as the angel bit her Eva's throat out, and punched her Eva's gut so hard she was launched a few feet in the air, dropping to her knees as the Angel tried to rip her head off.

"Kyon! Help me, please!" Sohryu begged, I could see her over the video link, clutching her head and screaming.

I don't want to hurt Ryoko, but I can't let the angel kill Sohryu, no matter how awful a person she is!

I took a quick glance at Rei's Eva, it still lay on the ground unmoving. Dammit I have to do something!

I started firing controlled bursts at the angel, managing to get it's attention, it worked, but I regreted it soon after. The angel reared it's ugly head at me, regarding me with the eyes of a hungry demon for a split second, then launching itself into the air, it stretched it's arms towards me and began strangling me as it landed. I tried to pull it's arms away, but it was way to strong, I was choking in the plug, gasping for breath. I managed to start pulling it's arms away, only for it to grow another pair and strangle me with those. Are you serious! Come on!

In a panic, I accidently turned on unit one's loudspeakers. A thought hit me suddenly,

"Ryoko!" I boomed over the countryside, "You've got to fight it! I know you're in there! Please, if you can hear me, fight it off!"

The angel's face seemed to twist into a sadistic grin, as if mocking me. It roared in my face, almost sounding like laughter.

The commander was in my vision again, "Ikari, why are you holding back? Destroy the angel!"

"But that's your daughter! You can't seriously want me to kill her, do you?" I gasped out, unbelieving of the situation.

"It doesn't matter, that is an angel! It is our top priority to eliminate them and protect mankind!"

How can someone be so cold? Doesn't he care about Ryoko?

"I can't do it! Ryoko is my friend!"

"Activate the dummy plug, the pilot is useless!" he ordered Mister Aoba.

The dummy what?

"But... sir, it hasn't been properly tested, we don't know what will happen!" Mister Aoba tried to counter,

"I am the supreme commander of NERV, and I order you to activate it!" The commander shouted.

"...Yes sir"

meanwhile, I was still struggling with the angel, my vision was begining to go black around the edges. Is this it, am I going to die? Of course it would involve Ryoko again... is that irony? I'm still unsure of what the correct definition of irony is...

suddenly, the pressure around my throat ceased, accompanied by a mechanical whirring noise,

"What? What's going on!"

something black took hold of the butterfly controls, locking in place. There was a noise similair to a computer starting up as a screen lowered in front of my face, it read "dummy plug active"

I could still see out of the Eva's eyes however, and I noticed unit one was fighting on it's own,

"What is this?"

Unit one began pushing back the angel's original set of arms, roaring in defiance as it snapped both wrists and began strangling the monster back. The angel released it's grip on unit one's neck and tried to pry the purple Eva's arms apart, but to no avail. This was a sickening _crunch!_ As the angel went limp, it's neck thoroughly snapped.

I thought it was over until unit one began pulling on the angel's head, finnaly ripping it off and slamming it to the ground, beggining it's massacre on the corpse.

"Sir! The angel is dead, can't we stop this now?" I was met with silence

"Sir!"

The angel's intestines were now being tossed aside as unit one continued ripping it apart.

"Stop this! Somebody help!"

Sohryu's face popped up in my vision, "What are you doing? Ryoko's still in there!" She gasped out,

"It's not me! I can't do anything, help me!"

Sohryu's Eva limped over to the bloodbath as fast as it could, she tried to pull the Eva and the corpse away from each other but to no avail, unit one resisted unit two's attempts and continued tearing Ryoko's Eva apart, "It's too strong Kyon!" Sohryu cried, still struggling to pull unit one away.

I began screaming in horror, Ryoko was about to die and there was nothing I could do about it!

"Commander, please stop this! I'm begging you! Commander! Somebody, anybody! NAGATO!"

Everything went black, I found myself standing in total emptyness.

"Nagato? What is this?" I cried, adrenaline still pumping through my veins.

"What's wrong, isn't this what you've always wanted?" a voice asked,

I looked around and saw my doppleganger,

"Wanted what?" I asked.

He smiled, "To have Asakura out of the picture, of course, what else?"

"I don't want her dead!"

"But don't you loathe her? Doesn't the mere sight of her make you want to run away?" he asked

"She's not who she was before! She's a different person!"

"She fooled you before, in Nagato's other world. Do you really want to make that mistake again?"

"Third times the charm, wouldn't you say?" I shot back.

"Old sayings don't hold true anymore," he said, crossing his arms and sighing, "Don't believe me? Ask her" he nodded towards something behind me.

I turned around to see Nagato, "Ryoko Asakura is a flawed program, keeping her intact runs a high risk of creating errors, it would be best if she were deleted"

"She's not a program anymore, she's a human being!" I yelled, trying to talk some sense into her.

My doppleganger joined in, "You despise her anyway, getting rid of her makes one less problem if you ask me"

I saw Shinji flash in and out of existance, like a picture on a TV with too much static, "Kyon, don't do it! Have mercy on Ryoko!" That's what I'm trying to do! Apparently he wasn't completely aware of the conversation being held between Nagato and myself.

"Please Nagato, I'm begging you, there must be something you can do! Don't let this thing kill her!"

Nagato stood there, staring at me for a moment, "...Very well"

My senses flooded back, the smell and taste of LCL flooded my senses and I could hear Sohryu saying, "Kyon, what's going on! Don't bite the insertion plug!" She screamed hysterically as she gripped unit one's neck, trying to pull something out of it's mouth.

There was a loud beeping as my plug went red, flashing words all around me, I yelled in shock as the TV in front of me cracked loudly, distorting the message it bore. Suddenly everything stopped as the plug went dark and silent.

"The dummy plug has been fried!" Mister Aoba yelled.

"Impossble!" The commander roared, "Reboot it!"

"It's not working sir!"

Sohryu ripped the plug out of unit one's mouth, still perfectly intact and placed it on the ground, "Kyon! Kyon can you hear me?" She yelled, popping up again in my vision.

"Yeah" I said quietly, exhausted.

"I just called for a med team, they're on their way to take wondergirl to the hospital and put Ryoko in a quarantine!"

"I guess that's a good thing..." I said, breathing deeply, I was on the verge of hyperventillating.

Sohryu and I had just stepped on the catwalk in the cages when the commander appeared, surrounded by a squad of section two agents.

"Effective immediately, arrest pilots Sohryu and Ikari!" he ordered.

"What? What did we do?" I cried as the men in black dragged Sohryu and I away.

As we passed the commander he said, "You disobeyed my orders, letting an angel live, if I wasn't in need of pilots, I'd have you both courtmarshalled!"

"You son of a bitch! You wanted us to kill your own daughter, your a monster!" Sohryu screamed as we were pulled out of the cages and down a hallway, for once, I agree with the red devil one hundred percent!

_A/N: That was just vicious! See? I told you guys things were going to get dark. Sorry I skipped so many angels, I just wanted to advance the story, things were just feeling a little stagnant to me. Next chapter is a little surprise that I've been anticipating for some time, I hope you enjoy it. As always, please read and review. _

_And I know, My omakes suck, I'm probably not going to write anymore of those, maybe a few churuya/eva skits though, I like those. In case you were wondering just what the hell was on the TV when Kyon and Asuka were talking, that was a youtube video called dragonzball p. I've watched that about fifty time and still piss myself laughing everytime I see it. I also don't own that._


	16. Chapter 16

_**Chapter Sixteen:**_

_**The Cavalry Has Arrived!**_

"_for someone to actually consider these things seriously, they must be mental.**"**_

_-Kyon_

Sohryu and I were locked up in a NERV cell for 'disobeying orders' the nerve of that guy! How could he have expected us to kill her? Even Sohryu has a bigger heart than that bastard! I'm starting to wonder who the real monster is here, the angels, or Gendo Ikari?

I sighed deeply on the hard bunk, they didn't even let us get changed, "I try to do the right thing, and I keep getting bitten in the ass for it, what did I do to deserve all this?" I asked myself angrily.

"Don't start feeling sorry for yourself, baka! How do you think _I _feel? As far as I'm concerned, we did nothing wrong! The commander's up to something if you ask me" She said, poking her head out from the top bunk.

"I just don't know what to think anymore, Sohryu" I said, not meeting her gaze, I just wanted this nightmare to be over with...

"Thanks for saving me... by the way" Sohryu said, trying to get me to look at her by poking me.

"Don't mention it, we're all in this together"

Sohryu let out a long sigh, giving up, and rolled back up to her bunk, "...So what do you think they'll do to us?" She asked.

"Hard telling"

I could feel Sohryu shoot up in her bed, "It's not fair, I'm the best pilot they have! And this is how they repay me? What are they going to do if an angel attacks and I'm stuck here in jail!" and this marks the point where Sohryu began ranting about her alleged superiority, why couldn't they separate us, is this the commander's idea of punishment? Because it's inhumane! ...I feel really bad for saying that, how can I say this is inhumane when he almost had Ryoko killed?

"And my sync score always soars above you and wondergirl's!" I really hope Rei is alright too... I didn't even see her come out of her Eva before they dragged us off.

"I have an eighty five average! Eighty five!"

"Are you familiar with the story of narcissus?" I asked, getting tired of her constant boasting.

"Shut up, you jerk! It's not narcisissm if you really are the best!-"

"-and you have yet to kill a single angel on your own! Shut your god damn mouth, Sohryu!"

"Don't tell me to shut up, arshloch!"

I am going to strangle this bitch,

"Our friend is in quarantine, not to mention neither of us have any idea if Rei's alright, and all you can think about is yourself! Even Haruhi has more sense than you!"

That seemed to shut her up, with a disgusted "Ugh!" she turned over on her bunk and said, "I'm not an idiot like her, you asshole!"

"Haruhi's not an idiot, Sohryu"

"Go fuck yourself"

well that's just cold.

Sohryu didn't talk much for three whole days as we stayed cramped up in there, sometimes she just layed around on her bunk and the rest of the time she paced around the room, which drove me insane.

She didn't talk much during meals either, but when she did it was mostly complaining about being locked up with a 'dumkompf' or just some random insults. I was just about to reach my breaking point when the door finally opened, revealing a section two agent, "Sohryu, you can go" he said, motioning for her to come out. She ran out with an angry cry of "finally!" The agent flinched as she feinted a right hook at him, and stomped away.

"What about me?" I asked, sitting up in my bunk.

"Get cleaned up and changed, the commander wants to see you"

I was escorted to the commander's office after I got a shower, a faceless agent opened the door and motioned for me to go in, he didn't join me.

I stepped into the dark cavernous room to be greeted with the sight of Commander Ikari sitting at his desk with vice-commander Fuyutski standing at attention right next to him, and...

"Haruhi? Mikuru? What are you two doing here?" I nearly screamed when I saw the two of them sitting in metal fold up chairs in front of the commander's desk.

"Ah, Kyon, sit down, sit down" The commander greeted with so much fake cheer, it was sickening, I could see the sadistic glee in his eyes as I took a seat next to Haruhi, "What's going on?" I asked suspiciously.

"That's what I want to know! This guy won't tell us, we've been sitting here for five minutes in total silence... it's creepy" Haruhi said crossing her arms and scowling. Mikuru sat quietly, nervously looking around and playing with her hands.

"Well, now that my 'star pilot' is here, we can get that all sorted out" he said, going through some paperwork.

"If this is about that incident last year-" Haruhi was cut off as he smiled and said, "Now, now miss Suzumiya, that's all water under the bridge. I have a feeling you're going to just _love_ what I have to say"

Where is he going with this? And why am I not liking this more and more every second?

He picked up a file and opened it, "Now, according to this report, the two of you were synchronizing with Kyon's Eva, which might I add, is very impressive for three people at once"

"S-syncronizing?" Mikuru asked fearfully.

"It means you could feel what the Eva felt, and you, Miss Suzumiya," He looked up from his report to her, "Were partially in control during this event, is that true?"

"Well... yeah" She said, eying the commander suspiciously.

He took his glasses off and cleaned them, "Well, with that being said, I'd like to offer you two the chance of a lifetime"

Oh god no!

"You can't be serious!" I cried,

"Quiet you!" He gave me a look that said, _'don't cross me, you'll regret it' _I shut up immedietly.

Haruhi's eyes grew to the size of dinner plates as she began shaking excitedly. She jumped out of her chair and slammed her hands on the commander's desk, completely unable to control her mirth, "We can be Eva pilots!" She practically screamed

The commander cringed and patted his ear, which was probably ringing.

He smiled like a vicious wolf, "Absolutely, we're in desperate need of pilots at the moment, and the two of you are prime candidates"

No no no no no! This can't be happening!

"S-sir... do I have to b-be a pilot? I don't like fighting..." Mikuru asked nervously, not making eye contact.

"Well no, you don't _have_ to, but do you really want to pass this chance up?" he asked

I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you!

"Come on Miku-chan! This is a chance to defend the people you love!" Haruhi said, grabbing her by the shoulders and shaking her excitedly.

God damn it! He's taking full advantage of Haruhi's nature! And I can't say anything about it...

Mikuru looked over to me, and then looked to the commander with a determined look in her eyes, "A-alright! I'll do it!"

"Excellent!" The commander said, he pointed to Fuyutski, "Fuyutski here, will escort you to Doctor Akagi to take care of some legal matters and get fitted for plugsuits"

The vice-commander sighed as he began walking out of the room, "This way girls, follow me" he said. Haruhi was gone in a split second, pulling a frightend Mikuru with her.

I sat alone, across from my horrible uncle, "You... bastard!"

He smirked sadistically at me, "And don't you forget it!"

"What are you planning?" I asked

"Me? Oh nothing at all, I just need new pilots as the few I have are rather insubordinate," He crossed his fingers in a steeple as I glared at him, "You know, those two are quite adorable, it would be a shame if say, I... _accidently_ hit the overide command during a sync test and fried their precious little brains"

I couldn't believe what I was hearing, he's blackmailing me!

"You wouldn't!"

"I can and would without a moment's notice or an inkling of remorse."

"I can't believe this..." I muttered

"If you just follow my orders, you'll have nothing to worry about, am I understood, pilot?"

I clenched my fists and replied "...Yes sir" through gritted teeth.

"Now be gone, you're free to go"

I began to walk away when I heard a, "Oh and Kyon? I wouldn't say anything to anyone about this if I were you" he then made a bzzt! Noise, causing me to shudder.

I sat alone in the locker room with my head in my hands, I wanted nothing more than to just go home, but I couldn't get up, I just didn't have the energy or the will.

I cried, I'll admit it. Everything was just going to hell, it wasn't right god dammit!

When will this end, and just what kind of evil things will I have to do to protect my loved ones?

_A/N: There! The brigade is almost assembled! What's to come next? What horrors await the new pilots? Will Ryoko recover? Will Asuka still be a bitch? Why does this sound like a soap opera? When will I use the "Ku-go" device? Find out next time on Kyon Genesis Evangelion!_

_Heheheh Gendo is an evil bastard heheheh. Any thoughts? Share your thoughts with me, as always, please read and review._

_Nagato:_

_Next time on Kyon Genesis Evangelion; Two new Evas are added to the cages, Misato Katsuragi returns, and Suzumiya invites Kyon to dinner. Read it._


	17. Chapter 17

_Fifth and sixth child, suit up! Well not really... yet_

_(Ryoko was the fourth child, I had completely forgotten to point this out, I'm sorry. Haruhi is the fifth, and Mikuru is the sixth. Ha, bet you didn't see Mikuru becoming a pilot, did ya?)_

_**Chapter Seventeen:**_

_**A Blessing in Disguise?**_

"_The thread of human hope is spun with the flax of sorrow"_

_-Koaru Nagisa_

I was still despairing away on the bench ten minutes later, why I was back in the locker room is beyond me, I guess it's a nice quiet place to have a breakdown.

I sat there and let the whole situation wash over me, fully taking in the horror of my position.

Would I be ordered again to kill a human being in the near future? Could I actually do it, and even more so, could I kill to protect Haruhi and Mikuru? I thought about that, not just protecting the people I care about, but taking a life to protect another... could I bring myself to do it?

I just couldn't believe the situation, why would that bastard have me kill his own daughter? What would that prove? Regardless of what his intentions were, I knew he meant business when he threatened to fry Haruhi and Mikuru's brains. Just how did things get like this? What did I do wrong?

"...Things aren't looking so good, are they?" said a voice next to me.

"No shit, what was your first clue, Shinji?" I answered agressively, I didn't bother to look up.

Shinji stayed quiet for a moment, as if he was choosing his next words carefully, then spoke again.

"I'm sorry, Kyon... But there was just no way I could have known this would happen, not like this anyway..."

What did he mean, 'not like this'?

"This happened to you differently then, I take it?" I asked quietly.

"Yes, sometimes Touji was in that Eva, and sometimes Asuka was in it, Touji usually died and Asuka had always ended up like Ryoko," He said sadly, "but things are out of order, Bardiel never attacked this soon..."

I looked up finally, to see Shinji sitting on the floor in front of me, with his head in his hands just like I was a few moments ago.

He continued on, "And my father... he's using Suzumiya and Asahina to control you," Shinji looked up to me with tears streaking down his cheeks, "He's used blackmail on me before, but never quite like that, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, you don't deserve this, I'm so-"

I couldn't take it anymore, and I had just realized something,

"Knock it off!" I yelled, standing up, "Stop wallowing in your own pity, you brought me here to fix this, and I'll be damned if we're just gonna sit around and have ourselves a pity party! I've been doing nothing but complain for years, and frankly, I'm sick of it!" Shinji looked up again, confusion and a bit of bewilderment was written all over his face, "After I got out of Nagato's world, I promised myself that I wouldn't just stand on the sidelines, I promised to take the role of an active defender of my world, and while our worlds are merged, that includes yours!" I grabbed Shinji's hand and pulled him up, "So what do you say we stop crying about the situation and do something about it?"

A determined expression came across Shinji's face as he looked me in the eye, "You know what, your right, Kyon! We'll fix this together, no matter what hurdle pops up at us, we'll soar over it!" I think we're both starting to sound like Haruhi,

"I like the way that sounds!" I gripped his hand tightly, "Nothing's going to stop us, you with me buddy?"

Shinji gripped my hand back, "You're damned right I am!"

We let go and continued to look each other in the eye. I felt pretty damned good, to hell with Gendo and the Angels! I've got Shinji and Haruhi on my side, nothing's going to stop us!

"So what do I need to do next?" I asked confidently

Shinji focused of on the distance,

"Nothing for right now, but don't worry about my father, just do what he says for now, alright?"

I smiled, "Alright then"

Shinji looked around anxiously, "I've got to go now, good luck... buddy"

And with that, he popped out of existance.

"Kyon? You in here?" I heard a voice ask. Could that be... Misato?

I got up and walked around the lockers to see Misato standing in the doorway, she was pretty banged up with her right arm in a sling and bandages wrapped around her head.

"You're alive!" I called out happily

"It'll take more than an angel attack to take me out" She replied cheerfully, then looked at me strangely, "Who were you talking to?" She asked.

That's going to be hard to explain, so I didn't.

"Nobody," I frowned, "Just what the hell happened? Is Ryoko alright too? I heard she was put in a quarintine..." I trailed off as Misato's smile faded.

"We still don't really know what happened, Kyon-kun. We don't even know if she'll make it..."

I sighed sadly, I know I was just getting all fired up a minute ago, but it's hard not to be constantly sobered by this deppressing situation.

"I see... are you coming home or do I need to walk back to the apartment?"

Misato groaned, "No, I still have to give a full report, I'll be home later tonight"

"Alright then" I said quietly as I started walking out the door, I was stopped when Misato wrapped me in a hug. Despite the fact that she could only currently use one arm, I was hit with the sudden realization of another side to Misato. She wasn't just a happy go lucky drunken slob, but a very determined mother figure. It's not that I didn't trust Misato before, but at that moment I realized that if there was anyone in this world other than Nagato who I could really depend on, it's Misato.

"Stay strong Kyon-kun, we still have a long way to go if we want to win this war, but I believe in you, one hundred percent"

I broke off the hug after a few moments, "Thanks Misato, I'm going to go now"

"Be safe, Kyon-kun" She said as I walked away.

I had decided that before I go home, I'd at least figure out where Rei's hospital room was and visit her, maybe she could answer some questions. I had not expected, however, to see Haruhi and Mikuru waiting for me by the entrance to the NERV hospital, it was a different hospital than I was in the first time, NERV has several hospitals around, some in terminal dogma, and some out in the countryside of the Geofront, this one was obviously deeper in the base.

"Oh, hey Kyon!" Haruhi greeted happily, sitting on a bench in the hallway, next to a very nervous Mikuru.

"What are you two doing here?" I asked, honestly surprised. You'd think they'd be wandering aimlessly around NERV, gennerally annoying the hell out of any unfortunate staff nearby. Well You'd think Haruhi would anyway, she'd probably just drag Mikuru around, regardless of what she'd want to do.

"We heard Ayanami was injured in the last battle, so I thought we'd visit her," Haruhi frowned, "The only problem is, I can't figure out how to get through the this stupid door!" She declared, pointing an incriminating finger at the mechanical security door.

I fought the urge to face palm and said, "That's a security door, you need an access card" I said bluntly, pulling mine out and swiping it through the register on the wall.

With a green light and a _bing!_ Noise, the door opened, as I stepped inside, motioning for the other girls to follow me. I turned to Mikuru, who still looked pretty nervous and stopped just outside the door

"What's wrong Mikuru?"

She played with her hands, "Oh, um... I don't really like hospitals..."

"Don't be such a baby, Miku-chan!" Haruhi teased. Mikuru flinched slightly at being called a baby, probably from Sohryu's bullying.

"I'm not a baby!" She shot back, pouting adorably and stepping in.

As we walked to the reception counter just down the hall, Haruhi just had to ask the question,

"So what happened? I heard something about an Eva being completely destroyed, was it Ayanami's?"

Images of Rei's Eva having it's armor ripped apart flooded my mind, causing me to shiver.

"No, and I really don't want to talk about it, okay?"

Haruhi gave me a worried look, "Was it that bad?"

"Yes" I stated blankly, causing both girls to go silent.

Moments later we reached the receptionist and asked for Rei's room. I wasn't surprised when she eyed the girls strangely, word probably hasn't got out yet that those two are Eva pilots yet.

The walk up to Rei's room was mostly a quiet one, so I broke the ice during the long elevator ride,

"So... you tell your dad about being an Eva pilot, or is he home today?" I asked, looking straight ahead.

"Yeah, he freaked out and started yelling at us" Haruhi replied grouchily.

"I don't think I've ever seen Haruhi's dad so upset... it was really scary to see him like that!" Mikuru added

Haruhi huffed in annoyance, "He should be proud, I'm defending humanity now! Some people just have no common sense..."

Oh~ I could so make a witty and sarcastic comment on that note, but I won't.

"He's just worried about you two, so am I"

Haruhi smiled brightly at me, "You won't have to worry about me, Kyon! Nothing's going to happen to us!"

Please never tempt fate and say 'nothing's going to happen' because it will. Fate is a heartless bitch like that.

"Just don't forget who the team leader is, alright?"

"Yeah, yeah..." She huffed, annoyed at me.

"I mean it Haruhi, if I tell you to run, you'd better" I said seriously.

Haruhi didn't say anything back, but Mikuru decided to ask something,

"Um... Kyon-kun?"

"What's wrong, Mikuru?"

She fidgeted nervously behind us, "Does it... does it always hurt like that?"

I thought about that, she was refering to that little 'plug incedent' last year. I really don't like thinking about it, the thought of Mikuru being hurt just makes my blood boil.

"_And Haruhi's to blame for that"_ the darker part of my mind thought.

"_No. Haruhi is Haruhi, and I should have seen that one coming"_ I still had conflicted emotions about that day, but I know more than anyone that you can't blame Haruhi for being Haruhi anymore than you can blame a hurricane for... well, being a hurricane. Haruhi is a force of nature as much as she is a human being.

"You get used to it" I answered her half heartedly.

"Oh... okay then..."

No... that was kind of tactless on my part, I don't want to worry the poor girl, she probably has enough on her plate.

I turned around and put a hand on her shoulder, "Don't worry about it, I'll be there to protect both of you" I meant it to.

Mikuru smiled back at me and perked up, she didn't seem nearly as nervous as before, "Thanks Kyon-kun"

I really hope this turns out better than the time I told her I'd protect her from Haruhi, after that computer club incident...

"And you've got me too!" Haruhi threw in, "Not to mention Ayanami, we won't let anything happen to you!" Haruhi cheered.

I couldn't help but smile at her optimism, it was something I really needed at the time.

After the long elevator ride and some more pep talk, we found ourselves on Ayanami's floor. After a quick search we found her room and entered.

It was a really deppressing thing to see too, Rei was laying on her hospital bed, attached to an IV and some monitors, I had wondered if she was even awake.

Mikuru gasped at the sight, I couldn't blame her either. Seeing Rei like that didn't exactly inspire confidence.

"Ayanami... what happened to you?" Haruhi whispered.

"I was attacked by the angel and rendered unconcious from sympathy pain" She stated bluntly

The three of us jumped as Mikuru let out a frightened "eep!" I had thought she was in a coma for sure.

"It really hurt that bad, Miss Ayanami?" Mikuru asked.

Great, all that pep talk for nothing...

"Yes"

"I see..." Mikuru whispered, bowing her head and playing with her her hands again.

"So what happened exactly?" Haruhi asked, sitting down in a chair next to Rei.

"That is classified to civilians"

I sighed, knowing what Haruhi's reaction would be. She perked up and smiled, "You don't have to worry about that! Your boss made Mikuru and me pilot's today!"

If Rei was drinking something, she might have done a spit take, she looked up to me with a quizical expression, "Is this what is called 'humor'?"

Needless to say, Haruhi looked kind of put off at that remark.

"Unfortunately not..." I said with another sigh.

"I see..." Most people would have missed it, but I could definitely tell Rei was not happy about this situation, and I didn't blame her one bit.

She turned to Haruhi and Mikuru and told them most of what happened, leaving out the arguement with the commander and Sohryu's and my temporary incarceration. It's probably best that they don't know about that.

After 'story time' was over, Haruhi and Mikuru decided to go home, after wishing Rei to get well soon, Haruhi asked, "You coming, Kyon?"

I waved my hand in her direction, "I'll catch up" I said.

After they left the room, there was a silence between Rei and myself.

I sat down next to her and broke the ice, "Why did Gendo-"

"The commander" Rei corrected.

Like hell I'm going to refer to that son of a bitch as 'commander' when he's not around!

"...yeah, so why did he do that, order us to kill Ryoko, I mean?"

Rei lay silently, as if contemplating what to say next.

"I do not know, I am just as confused as you are"

She avoided my gaze, looking guilty.

"I am sorry, I did not want Ryoko to perish either, her company was considerably pleasant"

Part of me wanted to scream at Rei, ask her if she was familiar with the Nuremburg defense and just walk off, but another part of me realized that something wasn't quite right with her. That same part of me pitied her, maybe it was because she was so similair to Nagato, or maybe something else? I didn't know, what I did know however, is that Rei was the most dependable person in my squad. I guess I wouldn't feel right being angry at the only person who's ever really had my back so far.

"Don't blame yourself Rei, it was beyond your control, and just know that I don't blame you, alright?"

She nodded, still avoiding eye contact, "I... see"

After a moment of silence, I finally decided to ask her something that had been bothering me for a while now,

"Rei, how much do you know?"

She looked at me quizzically, "About?"

"About Haruhi, you seem to be aware of something, care to tell me what it is?"

She looked out the window, with a thoughtful expression,

"I do not know how I know, but I am aware that she is not an ordinary human, and something about her both comforts and frightens me"

Both comforts and frightens her? Yeah... I think I can understand that, but how could she be aware of this?

I remained silent as she continued, she turned back to me and looked me in the eye, "There are individuals here that do not belong, including you," She went silent for a moment, not breaking eye contact, "I feel impelled to help you, however, and will do all that I can, but I cannot betray the commander. I will withold information from him if I must, but that is all I can guarentee"

I had wondered about that for a while now, why is she like this? I bet that asshole brainwashed her or something!

"Why are you so loyal to him?" I asked curiously

"I cannot divulge that information"

"Why is that?" I asked

"I cannot say"

I guess it was pretty dumb to ask.

I got up and stretched, "I'm going to walk the girls home, get well soon Rei, you're the best in our squad"

There was something akin to a smile on her face, was she feeling pride? I think she deserves to feel proud after all we've been through in this war.

"That is beyond my control" She replied.

I smiled, "That's an order, pilot"

Understanding my attempt at humor, she smiled back fully. What is it about her and Nagato smiling that makes me feel so happy?

"Very well, I will make an effort"

I left and waited in the elevator by myself, thinking about everything. It really bothered me about what happened to Ryoko, that feeling of despair hit me out of nowhere. All she wanted was to please her father, and she didn't even get to pilot her Eva. That was enough to make anyone want to cry, I was never particularly close to my father, but I know he'd never put me through something like that, and I realized just how much I appreciated him, in fact this whole merged worlds situation makes me appreciate just how easy I had it before.

"You don't know what you've got until it's gone" Said a quiet voice behind me.

"That's the only thing about all this that I'm grateful for, Shinji. How did you stay sane through this?"

Shinji let out a forced chuckled, "Well, sometimes I didn't, but let's talk about something happier"

"Like what?" I asked, turning around to see him smiling slightly,

"I was thinking over the various recursions I went through, and I have a very good feeling Ryoko will make it, Asuka almost always did, so why should this be any different?"

"You think so?"

"Yep, and on another note," He grabbed me by the collar, "How do you do that?"

"Do what?" I yelled, pulling his hands of me.

"Get Rei to talk so much, she never talked to me like that!"

I hadn't realized this was such an issue, I shrugged and said, "Well, she's a lot like Nagato, so I guess I have experience with this sort of thing"

Shinji furrowed his brows in thought, "Hmm... I guess that makes sense," there was a _ding__! _As the elevator doors slid open, "Well, I gotta go again, I'll see you around"

"Take care" I called after him before he disappeared,

"You too, buddy" He said with a smile.

I headed down the hall only to see Haruhi and Mikuru sitting on a bench by the exit. Haruhi was crossing her arms with an annoyed look while Mikuru was sitting patiently.

"About time you showed up!" She spat as I headed over.

"Sorry, I forgot that you two didn't have your access cards yet" I said, swiping my card through the register for her.

I walked down the sun scorched sidewalk with Haruhi and Mikuru, I had noticed that it seemed to get a little hotter everday, but the fact that I've been gone for three days only made it feel hotter.

"So how come you and Sohryu were gone for three days?" Haruhi asked, pronouncing 'Sohryu' with a healthy dose of venom.

I really didn't want her to know I was thrown in the slammer with Sohryu for three days, so I lied.

"I can't talk about it" I said, hoping she wouldn't pry, thankfully she didn't.

"Oh... well alright then," She had a melancholy expression as she walked, a thought must have hit her.

"So... do you think Ryoko will make it?"

It felt like a rock had hit me in the stomach, I didn't like thinking about that.

"I don't know... I hope so" I replied quietly, knowing that she probably would since Shinji thought so. It was still deppressing though.

"Kyon-kun?" Mikuru asked, with a worried expression, "Are you alright?"

"Huh? I guess so, why?"

"Well... uh, you don't look so good" She explained.

"Yeah, you look sad again, did I make you upset when I mentioned Ryoko?" Haruhi asked

"I'm fine, don't worry about it" I said, trying to keep her from feeling guilty.

"I don't think so, you're coming over for dinner tonight!" She declared, dragging me towards her apartment complex, which was convieniently close to the NERV exit we came out of.

"Uh... that's alright Haruhi-" I tried to politely refuse until she cut me off,

"-I've made up my mind! Me and Mikuru are going to make you dinner, and you better like it, or it's the death penalty!" She said seriously.

I tried to keep a straight face, I really did, but I couldn't help it as I burst out laughing.

Haruhi stopped and looked at me like I was insane.

"What's so god damned funny?" She asked angrily, "I mean it, you **will** get the death penalty if you don't like it!"

Still laughing uncontrolably, I wrapped the confused girl in a hug, elliciting a surprised Mikuru esque _eep!_

"...Why are you hugging me?" She asked nervously, I could feel her heart beating faster,

"It's just..." I took a deep breath and wiped a tear from my eye, "That's so you!"

"Umm... Okay?" She replied, having no idea what I was talking about, then she nervously tried to break the hug, "C-could you, uh, stop hugging me now? It's wierd"

"You hug me all the time" I countered, still hugging her because, hey, I like making her feel awkward. Consider this vengence for all the crap she puts me through.

"I-it's different when a girl initiates a hug!" She tried to explain, while Mikuru giggled in the background.

"How so?" I asked, tightening the hug, making her pulse go even faster.

"W-when a girl does it, it's cute! When a guy does it, it's just creepy!"

I let go and smiled, "You loved it" I said, teasing her.

Her face went beat red and she turned away, "You're a jerk, Kyon"

"I know, so what are you making for dinner?" I asked, showing mercy by changing the subject.

We began walking again.

"I don't know," She said, calming down, "I'm kind of in a beef ramen mood"

"Haruhi, we had that last night, I'm sick of beef ramen!" Mikuru whined adorably.

"Did we? I've been such a spaz lately!" Haruhi said cheerfully, it sounded a little forced to me.

"I guess I've had other things on my mind..."

After another long elevator ride to the very top floor, Haruhi unlocked the apartment and we took our shoes off by the door. I was met with the sight of a moderatley clean living room with a kotatsu(that's a very small table, by the way), a few bookshelfs with various trophies that I assumed were Haruhi's and a flat screen TV. The walls were plain white, and adorned with family photos of a very young Haruhi and who I assumed to be her parents, there were photos that appeared more recent with Haruhi, Mikuru and the same man that must be Haruhi's dad.

"Just make yourself at home, K?" She said unceremoniously as she headed to what I'm guessing was the kitchen.

I turned to Mikuru who was still standing next to me, "Are you sure her dad won't mind me being here?" I asked.

She nervously played with her hands again,

"Oh... uh, probably... We kind of have a no boys rule and um..."

Haruhi poked her head out of the kitchen holding a pan, "Dad doesn't have to know, now does he?" She called to us mischeviously.

Mikuru chuckled nervously, "Oh... heheh yeah..." She then guided me to sit down at the kotatsu in their living room, "Umm... I'll go make tea, make yourself comfortable!" She then nervously ran off to the kitchen.

I hope they don't get in too much trouble if Haruhi's dad finds out I was here...

After a short squabble with Mikuru over what to make, Haruhi decided to just wing it and cook up a stir fry consisting of green peppers, steak, rice, onions and soy sauce, pretty simple, but it was delicious. Of course Haruhi would be a good cook, she's amazing at everything she tries.

After finishing the meal, Mikuru took our dishes in the kitchen to wash, I tried to offer her some help, but she stubbornly refused.

Haruhi stretched back and looked at the clock, "Oh! It's eight o'clock, cowboy bebop's on!" huh, I didn't think she cared much for that kind of anime.

She grabbed the remote and flipped on the TV like it was a reflex, just in time too.

"_I think it's time we blow this scene, get everybody and the stuff together. Okay three, two, one, let's jam!"_

So we sat and watched cowboy bebop at the table, Haruhi was actually sitting quietly, paying attention to something for once. I think i was right about her having ADD, Because she was completely zoned out. Mikuru sat down and joined us later.

During the middle of the episode I noticed Haruhi had something in her mouth, and she exhaled what looked like... "Are you smoking?" I yelled, swiping the ciggarette out of her mouth.

I know I don't have any place to reprimand her since I ocasionally drink with Misato, but the sight of her smoking one of those cancer sticks really pissed me off.

She jumped in surprise and angrilly cried out, "Hey! What's the big deal?"

"I'll tell you what the big-" It was then that I noticed I wasn't holding a ciggarette at all, but something that resembled one. it as bigger and harder-

**That's what she said!**

...Shut up, Shinji.

-like it was made of some sort of plastic or metal,

"...The hell is this?" I asked, confusedly.

Haruhi swiped it out of my hand, "It's an electronic ciggarete, baka. Do you really think I'd be that stupid to start smoking for real?"

Mikuru was watching us nervously.

"Electronic?" I asked, still not understanding.

Haruhi made 'oh' expression, "You've never heard of these?"

"No, I haven't"

She then began to explain to me all about electronic ciggarettes, apparently you only inhale steam, but still get a tobaco buzz, or something like it, Haruhi said it was more like the head rush you get when you hold your breathe for a long time, so I guess it isn't that unhealthy. Wierd though, I wonder if we have those in my old world.

**You do, but there's not as much of a demand like there is in my world**

Oh, well it's still wierd.

**Yeah, what will they think of next?**

"So why do you have them?" I asked

"My dad's trying to quit, so he has plenty of them, I just lifted one off him"

She seems to take advantage of her dad a lot, I wonder if he's at his wits end with her?

"But you don't smoke"

"So? It's fun and harmless"

"Oh" I said, knowing better than to argue with her, if it were real ciggaretes however, I wouldn't care how pissed she got, I'd make her stop.

"Wanna try it?" She asked, offering it to me.

Ah, what the hell, why not?

I took it and inhaled, it kind of hurt and made me cough a little, but I did get a small headrush.

"Tastes kind of like cofee" I said, handing it back to her.

"Yeah, it's flavored" She said

"Neat"

"Yeah"

Later that night, Mikuru excused herself to bed, so I attempted to go home, 'attempted' being the key word, but Haruhi grabbed my arm as I got up. Whoa, more deja vu.

"What about your homework? You need to get caught up!" She declared, looking at me with puppy dog eyes.

Gah! How did she learn to do that!

"You really want me to stay a little longer, don't you?" I asked, causing her to blush slightly.

"Is it that obvious?" She asked, not making eye contact.

"Yeah"

"Won't you stay just a little longer, then?"

I had nothing to go home to except a very moody red head,

"Sure, what the hell" I said, sitting back down.

We never did get caught up on my homework. after a few more episodes of cowboy bebop and an anime I hadn't heard of before called _Requiem From the Darkness_, Haruhi finally spoke up,

"So... Kyon, do you mind if I say something?" Haruhi asked, turning away from the TV but not making eye contact.

"Uh... sure" I said awkwardly, I had a feeling where this was going.

"I've been wanting to say this for a while... your the only guy I've ever been close to" she said, blushing heavilly.

"That can't be true, you're a good looking girl, certainly you've had guys lining up to ask you out?" I said, remembering the stories Taniguchi told me a long time ago.

She blushed more, "Well, not really, I kind of scared them all away, defending Mikuru and all... but that's not the point!" She said, getting frustrated, "The point is... I like you, a lot"

Even though I had been expecting this for a while, it still surprised me, mostly shocked that this was Haruhi of all people confessing to me.

I didn't say anything for a moment, I was trying to collect my thoughts.

"D-do you feel the same way?" she asked anxiously

"Well... yeah actually, I just never thought you'd be the one to confess first"

Haruhi smiled awkwardly for a second then frowned, and then became very angry,

She hit me in the arm, "You knew I liked you this whole time and made me get all worked up to confess!" she thundered

"Ow! What's the big deal? it's out in the open now!" I tried to counter.

"That's not the point! A girl should never have to confess! That's a man's job!"

Weren't you defending gender equality when you defended Rei being a slob last year?

"I only confessed because I thought you were oblivious!" She continued, as if reading my mind.

"Sorry... I just didn't really know how to say it" I said awkwardly, rubbing my shoulder.

She sighed and took another drag of her E-ciggarette, I still don't like seeing her do that by the way.

"I guess we should become a couple now" She said, smiling slightly.

I smiled back warmly, "I'd like that"

She scooted over next to me and leaned on me, causing me to immedietley wrap her up in a hug.

Most people would say that this is moving a bit fast, but I've known Haruhi for quite a while now, whether she knew it or not. That sounded creepy didn't it? You know I was talking about the old world right?

Speaking of the old world, Haruhi asked something that kind of surprised me,

"Kyon, I Don't know why, but I feel like I've known you for a long time. Do you feel like that too?"

"Yeah, I do actually" That's not exactly a lie, though, is it?

Haruhi chuckled softly,

"What's so funny?"

"Hmm?" She looked up, then said, "Oh, it's just that I used to think that stuff like love and soul mates were just a bunch of crap, but I'm starting to wonder if it really is true. It's wierd how you can meet one person and all the things you used to believe change"

I can definitly identify with that, I can honestly say I wouldn't be the person I am today if I hadn't met this girl.

"Hey Kyon?"

"Hmm?"

She had a determined look in her eyes, "Have you ever been kissed before?"

Oh wow... didn't see this coming either.

"Well once... a long time ago, but that feels worlds away" pun intended, "Why do you-" She cut me off as she reached up and kissed me on the lips, it wasn't a passionate kiss, more like an exploritory kiss, she didn't really seem to know what to do.

After a few moments, the shock wore off and I kissed back, I knew just what to do.

I could feel her pulse quicken as I deepened the kiss, I'm no expert at kissing by any stretch of the imagination, but I could tell she was impressed.

We broke off the kiss, both breathing heavily for a moment.

"I take it that was your first?" I asked, somewhat short of breath.

"I guess it was pretty obvious, huh?" She asked, embarassed.

"It wasn't bad" I reasured her, wrapping her up in another hug.

"Thanks" she replied.

I was feeling proud of myself, although still a little awkward, what is it about a kiss that makes people feel the way they do? I guess there's something really meaningful about lips touching, I think it's a symbol of trust, I could be wrong though.

Did I trust Haruhi? I have to think about that for a minute, sure she's reckless and impulsive, but I know she means well. ...Yeah, I think I trust her.

I looked over at the clock, it was nearly ten.

"I think I should get going, Haruhi" I said, trying to break off the hug to get up.

She held me down, "No, wait! You can spend the night! Won't you? Please?" She begged, pushing me down on the floor and laying on top of me.

Wow, when did I become so irresistable?

"Uh, I don't know much about your dad, but I'm sure he'd be beyond pissed if he found out about this" I said, trying to get out of this situation before I end up doing something really stupid.

"He won't know! He won't be back for a few days!" She countered.

"W-well, what about pajamas? I can't sleep in my school uniform!" My throat felt really dry suddenly.

"You can borrow mine!"

"I can't wear girl pajamas!" I countered, trying to crawl out of her iron grip.

"I don't wear girl pajamas, I'm kind of a tomboy, really it's no big deal!"

I sighed, realizing I should stop resisting, first rule of the universe; whatever Haruhi wants, Haruhi gets.

"Is it really that important to you?" I asked, giving up.

"Yes" She said bluntly, releasing me.

We both stood up and dusted ourselves off, "So where am I going to sleep?" I asked

She smirked mischeviously, "Do you really have to ask?"

This is so wrong, but what choice to I have?

I changed in the bathroom, folding my school uniform in my arms and meeting Haruhi as I opened the door. She was already in her own pair of pajamas. Both our pajamas consisted of a pair of basketball shorts and a cotton T-shirt, Mine were blue and hers were orange.

Instantly she pointed her finger at me, "Okay, I've only got one rule, so don't break it or it's the death penalty!" She said aggressively.

I smirked at the death penalty remark,

"Get that perverted smile off your face, that's exactly what I'm talking about! I'm an Eva pilot now and the last thing I need to do is get knocked up, you got that?"

"Loud and clear" I said, still smiling.

"I mean it" She said seriously, her face inches away from mine.

"uh... right"

She turned away and led me to her room, then before opening the door, she turned back and said, "Oh, by the way, Mikuru has night terrors sometimes, so wake me up if she starts screaming"

"Alright" I said, trying to be quiet.

"And for some reason, she has dreams about me forcing her into embarassing outfits, which is really wierd, because I'd never do that to her. So don't freak out if she starts screaming my name"

Does Mikuru still subconciously hold memories from the old world? That really wouldn't surprise me.

"Um... okay then"

We entered quietly, I found myself in a small room with two pallets and a window. I couldn't make out much in the darkness, but I could see Mikuru laying on her side, holding a stuffed animal, could that be muu-chan? I couldn't tell, but it looked like it was.

Haruhi guided me to the pallet nearest the window, "Don't forget what I said, if you make a move, I will break your dick"

She's really serious about not doing anything innapropriate, although I'm not really complaining. I really don't want to mess up and be a teen father, not to mention it's a way to early in our relationship to be considering that kind of stuff.

She pulled back the covers to her bed and got in, motioning me in. This is so freaking awkward.

I laid down next to her, placing my school uniform on the floor next to me, pulled out my phone and began texting.

"What are you doing?" Haruhi whispered annoyedly,

"I'm telling Misato that I'm at a friend's, I don't want her to freak out and have section two search the city for me" Not to mention that when they found me at Haruhi's place, word would doubtlessly get back to her dad. I don't even want to think about that.

"Oh, okay then" she whispered, cuddling next to me after I put my phone down.

"Kyon?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks for staying over, I'm sorry I begged so much"

"Don't worry about it"

And with that, she kissed me goodnight, smiled, and buried her head in my shoulder, falling asleep almost instantly. How do people do that? I have to lay in bed for at least a half hour to actually fall asleep, makes me jealous.

I had managed to fall asleep when I was awoken a few hours later by the sound of whimpering. I looked over to where the noise was coming from to see Mikuru holding her stuffed animal tightly in her sleep.

"M-miss Suzumiya, please let me go! I don't want to wear the bunny girl outfit!"

Miss Suzumiya? She's definitley dreaming about our world.

I tried to wake Haruhi up by nudging her shoulder, "Hey wake up, I think Mikuru's having a nightmare" I whispered, but it was pointless, she wouldn't get up,

"Five more minutes..." She murmured.

Well this sucks.

I lay there for at least a minute listening to Mikuru's nightmare fueled wails. That's it, I'm doing something about this, I can't stand idly by while Mikuru is freaking out!

I got up and crawled over to Mikuru's bed, and began stroking her hair. That seemed to calm her down. This is so wierd.

"Don't worry Miss Asahina, I won't let her do anything to you" I whispered, remembering the day I promised to protect her from Haruhi very clearly.

"...Kyon-kun?" She asked, still asleep.

"Yeah, I'm here"

"...Thank you..." She said, drifting out of the nightmare and into peaceful sleep.

Well since I was awake anyway, I figured I'd take a leak. I got up and went to the bathroom.

I had just pulled my shorts back up when I heard a voice, which made me jump out of my skin.

"That was really sweet of you, Kyon"

I fell into the tub with a surprised yell, "Shinji, what the hell!"

Shinji was chuckling at my misfortune as I got back up, yeah laugh it up you jerk.

"Sorry about that, I just couldn't wait to tell you the news"

I pulled the toilet lid down and sat on it, rubbing my eyes to wake up,

"What news?"

Shinji smiled brightly, "The new Evas are coming soon, they're really cool too! I think Miss Suzumiya and Miss Asahina will like them"

"New Evas huh? How soon will they be here?"

"Hard telling, Miss Suzumiya's is being sent by ship from America, and Miss Asahina's is going to be flown in from what's left of England. Her's is cute too, well as cute as an Eva can be anyway. But they should both be here sometime by the end of the week"

Okay so today's monday, or maybe tuesday depending on what time it is, so they should arrive in... I don't know about four or five days?

"Did you really have to freak me out in the middle of the night? And are you watching me?"

Shinji chuckled again, "I'm sorry I just couldn't wait, but I just happened to pop in when you were helping Miss Asahina out, I'm not some creepy astral stalker or anything"

"You better not be..."

"Yeah, yeah, so now that your awake, do you wanna see something?"

"Like what?" I asked, confused.

"I just thought I'd let you know a little more about Rei, you interested?"

"We're not going to be stalking her are we?"

Shinji thought about it for a minute, "Well... not exactly, but I think it's something you need to see"

I stood up and stretched, yawning, I said, "I might as well, where are we going?"

"You'll find out, hold my hand" he said, offering his hand to me,

"Do I have to hold your hand?" I asked

"Yes"

I groaned, "Fine, can we make this quick?"

"It shouldn't take too long"

I grabbed his hand, "Do I have to close my eyes or anything?" I asked, annoyed.

"Not unless you want to, Although I think it's pretty cool to see all the neat stuff that happens when I teleport"

"Alright I'm ready"

"Excellent!" He said cheerfully.

In a split second, the bathroom I was standing in began to melt and shattered into a million pieces, leaving Shinji and myself in complete darkness.

"This part is my favorite" He said as colors began flashing by in every possible direction, and a few impossible ones. I was starting to feel pretty sick,

"I'm not going to get a siezure from this am I?" I asked.

Shinji shushed me, "You're ruining the moment"

Before I could reply, I could see a million pieces flying up and position themselves perfectly to form a very dark room.

"Where are we?" I asked curiously

"Deep in the bowels of NERV" Shinji said non-chalantly.

I saw doctor Akagi walk down a hallway where a soft orange light was pouring out,

Shinji finally let go of my hand and motioned me to follow doctor Akagi, "Come on"

"Uh, don't you think doctor Akagi will freak out if she sees us here?" I whispered

"Don't worry, no one can see or here you, it's kind of like that story _A Christmas Carol_, except without Christmas"

"Okay then" I said, following Shinji into the hallway.

From my angle I could see doctor Akagi bathed in the orange light that was coming from both sides of the hallway, behind thick sheets of glass. she looked at something with an expression of what I could only identify as disgust before she wrote something down on her clipboard and walked off. What was she writing? And better yet, what was she looking at?

Shinji and I walked further down the hallway, until we could get a better look at what was behind the glass.

"Oh my god! What is this?" I screamed when I saw at least twenty naked Rei's behind the glass, all of them giggling and smiling in a really creepy way. My scream got their attention, causing them to shift their soulless gaze to me, still giggling and smiling.

"This... is the well of souls, or the Reiquarium as doctor Akagi calls it"

"You said no one could see or hear me, their looking right at me!" I yelled, seriously freaking out and backing up against the other sheet of glass.

"Yeah... they can always see me too, I never figured that out... also if this disturbs you, don't look behind you"

"Don't look at-" I started to ask, turning around against common sense to see more Reis, "-Oh my god!" I jumped into the middle of the hallway feeling my spine crawl.

Shinji held his palm up against the glass of the other tank, watching a Rei mirror him by putting her hand on the glass as well, looking at him with a curious expression.

"Their quite harmless, and they like to listen. I visit here every so often and vent" Shinji said, putting his finger to the glass and moving it around, causing the Rei to match him with her finger.

"Why are there so many Reis? I don't understand what I'm seeing." I asked, calming down, I was still creeped out though.

Shinji frowned, "Do you remember when Rei said she was expendable? This is what she meant. If she ever dies, my father can take one of these clones and put her soul into it, that's why she's so special..." He trailed off looking sad, "These are clones of Lillith, and a human being"

I'm never going to get back to sleep after seeing this...

"Who's the human she was cloned from?" I asked

"My Mom"

Did he just say his Mom?

"So... Rei is half angel?"

"Nephillum," Shinji corected, "But yes"

"Why do these things exist? What's the point of all this?"

"Don't call Rei a thing!" He snapped, glaring at me, "She's a person too!"

I backed up and raised my hands in a show of non-agression

"I'm sorry, I'm just a little freaked out right now"

"It's alright," he sighed, calming down, "I guess you don't see this kind of thing every day"

It tops everything Haruhi's powers ever threw at me, that's for sure!

"So why does this exist?" I asked

"Rei is very important for the end game, and therefore very important to me, you'll understand in time"

"Alright, I won't ask anymore about that, but why are you showing this to me?"

Shinji sighed sadly, continuing to play with the Rei clone that was copying him,

"To give you perspective, and I hate myself for what I'm going to say next," He bowed his head in shame, causing the clone to do likewise, "Things are only going to get harder, and people could die. I want you to know, if you must sacrifice one of your pilots, make it Rei"

"That's horrible, Shinji, you just said she was a person too!"

"It is imperitive that you keep Suzumiya Haruhi alive"

Shinji and I turned around and said, "Nagato?" in union. Well, he said 'Miss Nagato', anyway.

She was standing in the middle of the hallway, wearing a blank expression as usual.

"How did you get out of the Eva?" I asked, curiously.

"I did not, I have mastered the art of astral projection, what you are seeing is merely an image of me, a hologram if you will"

"Impressive" Shinji complimented, being ignored by Nagato, he then turned back to me, "She's right though, Miss Suzumiya must not die, and since the other pilots can't come back like Rei, you should try to keep them alive as well"

"I still don't like this"

"Sacrifice is a part of conflict" Nagato stated quietly, I could tell she didn't like it either.

"This is war after all, I don't like it either, Kyon, but it's neccesery"

"I won't let it come to that" I promised.

"I hope you can keep that promise, I truly do" Shinji replied, sadly

Nagato was watching the Rei clones with a blank expression.

"What's wrong, Nagato?"

For a minute she said nothing, then spoke, "Ayanami is like me" She said quietly.

"I definitley see the simalrities, Miss Nagato, but Rei is very different from you as well" Shinji said, standing beside her.

Nagato didn't respond.

"Is it because you have trouble expressing yourself, like Rei?" I asked

"That as well"

"Well, what else?"

"There are striking similarities between Ayanami's relationship with Lillith and my relationship with the entity.

"Like what?" I asked

"Yeah, fill us in Miss Nagato"

"It is beyond either of your understanding and my ability to explain"

We both decided to leave it at that,

"I must go now, astral projection is difficult to maintain"

"I guess I'll see you during the next sync test then?" I asked

"Yes" She stated blankly before disapearing.

Nagato must be so lonely...

"Miss Nagato is nice" Shinji stated, going back to the Rei clone he was playing with.

"Yeah... so is there anything else you need to tell me?"

Shinji looked up, realizing I needed to go back, "Oh! No, not right now," He offered me his hand again, "Be sure you keep this between us, the well of souls is pretty top secret, and it'd be best not to talk about it"

I nodded, understanding completely and took his hand.

After another acid trip like teleportation, I found myself standing alone in the bathroom, not that I know what an acid trip is like or anything, but I imagine it would look like that. I was still feeling a little dizzy, so I sat down on the toilet lid and tried to catch my breath, images of all those soulless Rei clones still haunted my mind. I guess cloning her was a neccesery step, but just how wil all of this play out? I tried to figure it out for a moment, then gave up and decided it was best not to dwell on it for now. I got up feeling much better and went back to Haruhi's room. I opened the door quietly to see Mikuru and Haruhi sleeping soundly, and quietly walked back to Haruhi's bed. As soon as I got laid down, Haruhi snuggled up next to me in her sleep. I said this was wierd earlier, but to tell the truth, it was kind of nice to have someone next to me in bed, it was comforting really. I got nestled in and before I knew it, I was out like a light.

I woke up to the sound of screaming and the sensation of being kicked in the face, repeatedly.

"Serial killer! W-what did you do to my sister you horrible man!"

My eyes shot open instantly to see Mikuru kicking me in a fit of panic.

"Ow! Mikuru, it's me! Ow! Stop that!"

She couldn't here me over her panic, she gripped the stuffed animal that was indeed muu-chan, and began throwing stuff at me.

"Mikuru, quit it, it's me!"

She stopped when she realized who I was.

"K-kyon-kun? What are you doing here?" she asked

"I... uh, spent the night" I said awkwardly, rubbing my cheek. Mikuru might not look like it, but she's got a strong kick.

The door flew open to reveal Haruhi holding a baseball bat, "What the hell's going on?"

Mikuru turned around, still holding the doll tightly to her chest, "Oh, I kind of freaked out when I saw Kyon-kun" she replied, chuckling awkwardly

"Oh, is that all?" Haruhi said, looking like she felt foolish, she then began explaining why I was here and that we were going out now. I took in my surroundings, trying to get woke up, the room was pretty bare, with a few stuffed animals lying around, a large dresser on Either side of the room and a few posters of the pop star Aya Hirano. Haruhi's bed was a vibrant yellow and Mikuru's was a hot pink, the room was pretty unremarkable really.

After Mikuru congratulated us, she realized what she was wearing and went beet red, she was only wearing an oversized T-shirt and panties, "Oh... uh c-could you get out now so I can change?"

After that awkward moment I went into the bathroom and changed into my school uniform, while Mikuru changed, we had school today, but that didn't really bother me, my shirt wasn't very wrinkled so that was alright. I opened the door to see Mikuru waiting outside in her school uniform.

"Oh... um Kyon-kun... I'm really sorry about this morning" she apologized sheepishly,

I smiled and reasured her, "Don't worry about it, I'd probably freak out too"

She smiled back and moved over so I could get out and went in, before she closed the door she said,

"Don't break her heart, I mean it" she said aggressively

"Huh?"

She looked at me strangely, "...I didn't say anything"

I pretended like I believed her and said, "Oh, alright then"

I think Shinji was right about Haruhi making her do that, I could tell she really had no idea she just said something.

I sat down at the kotatsu s Haruhi served us breakfast, she was in her school uniform as well,

"Thanks again for staying the night, Kyon" She said happily as she plooped down beside me.

We had a breakfast of eggs, bacon and toast,

"Huh, I didn't know you liked foreign food" I said as I took a bite, it was delicious by the way

"Yeah, I like to try new things, is it any good?" She asked anxiously

"It's wonderful" I said

She smiled and began to dig in.

"Haruhi?"

"Hmm?" she asked, pulling a piece of bacon out of her mouth.

"Are you... worried that I'm going to break your heart?" I asked.

She blinked a few times, "How did you get so perceptive? Yeah, I guess I am a little..."

I pulled her into a hug, "You don't have to worry about that, alright? I'm the one chosen by Suzumiya, and I'll be damned if I let you down" Oh wait... I shouldn't have let that bit about 'the one chosen by Suzumiya" out...

She started laughing, "You act like I'm so special!"

"You are" I said, smiling. She really is special, and not just because she's some kind of god, not to sound sappy or anything.

She blushed and went back to her breakfast, just in time for Mikuru to join us.

After breakfast, Haruhi packed our lunches, we got our schoolbags together, put our shoes on and headed to school. It was even hotter today, I wonder if it was because of the approaching spring? I hope I don't stick around long enough to find out what summer is like...

Haruhi hummed happily as we waited for a train to cross. It didn't sound like any pop song I had ever heard of, more like some kind of foriegn metal.

"Is that a Manson song?" I asked, remembering the time I heard her humming 'The beautiful people' in our world.

"Nope, Static X, you knew I liked that kind of stuff?" She asked curiously.

"Just a hunch"

She grabbed me in a tight hug, "I love how you know me so well, you're the best boyfriend ever!"

She's... squeezing to hard... organs... 'sploding...

thankfully she let go as after the train finally crossed, took it's sweet time too, and we reumed the long trek to school. She lives really far away from the school too, it was about double the time to get there compared to the distance from my apartment.

We bumped into a cheerfull looking Sohryu at the gates,

"So where were you yesterday, baka?" She noticed Haruhi holding my hand and chuckled, "So you finally figured it out huh?"

Haruhi latched on to me tightly and said, "Yeah! Look at you Sohryu, you're so jealous! I can see it in your eyes, yes, drown me in the water of your envy!" I couldn't help but be amused at Haruhi's taunting.

Sohryu looked at her like she dumb as hell and snorted, "As if, why would I want an idiot like Kyon when I can have a real man like Kaji?"

"Ew! He's like twice your age!" Haruhi shot back,

"And your point is?" Sohryu asked.

I stepped in before they got in a fight, "So... you're in a good mood today, Sohryu"

"You'd be amazed what a little alone time can do!" she declared flamboyantly

"Yeah... sure" I said as she walked away from us and headed to school.

"You can stop hiding behind me now Miku-chan, she's gone" Haruhi coaxed Mikuru cheerfully.

"You know, you can defend yourself, Mikuru, I won't let her hit you again" I said, reasuring her. I'd be damned if I let Sohryu hit her again, mostly because I couldn't stand the though of Mikuru hurt, but also because I didn't want Haruhi to go apeshit on her. It's hard enough to pilot when an angel beating the crap out of you, let alone when your already injured.

"Hey, now htat we're pilots, we don't have to worry about getting in trouble for fighting right?" Haruhi asked eagerly, cracking her knuckles.

I grabbed her by the arm,

"Haruhi, I understand that you're still mad at Sohryu, but don't just randomly deck her out of the blue"

"But-" I cut her off, "-No!" I said, pointing at her as if I was scolding a dog that had misbehaved, "I'm not happy about what she did either, but we need as many pilots as we can get"

"Fine..." She grumbled, then pushed my finger away, "And I'm not a dog! Stop that!"

The rest of the week went by uneventfully, except for when Sohryu ratted me out to Misato and told her I was spending the night at Haruhi's every few days, which caused Misato to tease me mercilessly and told me to have a condom in my wallet at all times, it was an order. Other than that, nothing of note really happened until saturday, when the new Evas finally arrived.

Haruhi and Mikuru finally recieved their access cards on that same saturday that the Evas arrived and joined me at NERV for a sync test.

The three of us stood outside of the Eva cages, inspecting the new Evas, much to Haruhi's delight.

I'll tell you about Haruhi's first; It was a vibrant yellow like her headband, with brown trim, the same shade as her hair. Unit five was bulkier than unit two, but smaller than unit one, with two eyes and curved head, it bore a pair of yellow horns that sprouted out of the back of it's head and curved towards it's mouth like a pair of mandibles, it was fearsome looking. We were told it was the third Eva meant for actual combat just like unit two, unit four being the second one from that particular line.

Now let me tell you about Mikuru's; unit six was a different kind of Eva, we were told it was meant for long range combat and not very good at hand to hand combat, unlike Haruhi's, which was undeniably meant to be a shock trooper. It was a bright hot pink, yes hot pink, with a light red trim. It sported a large pink horn much like unit one's except at a point where it was bent backwards and curved over the Eva's head. It also had two eyes, but unlike the others that glowed either green or yellow, one glowed green, while the other glowed with a dark blue. Aside from the girly paintjob, it looked awesome.

And needless to say, those plugsuits were killing me, especially Mikuru's. I knew her breasts were big but... damn! Ahem, I shouldn't be drooling over her like that, I apologize. Both girls' plugsuits matched their Evas; Haruhi's was a vibrant yellow and Mikuru's was hot pink.

That grin Haruhi was wearing... that must be how the vikings looked when they heard Rome was crumbling and ripe for plunder!

"I love it!" She screamed at the top of her lungs and began squeezing me in another tight hug, that plug suit left almost nothing to the imagination, and I found it really hard not to start bleeding from the nose as I felt every curve rubbing up against me, EVERY. CURVE.

"Yours is really cute too, Miku-chan!" Haruhi called over to Mikuru, who was looking at her Eva fearfully, as if it would pick her up and swallow her whole, not that I could blame her, both the new Evas looked pretty vicious.

"Hmm, their not to bad looking, but not as awesome unit two" Sohryu declared flippantly as she walked onto the catwalk.

"Psshhh! Whatever, Sohryu! Mine could take yours with both hands behind it's back!" Haruhi taunted, only to be ignored as Sohryu walked over to Mikuru,

"So what's got you so spooked? It's just a big doll basically, don't tell me your afraid of your own Eva!"

"I-im not scared, Miss Sohryu, I'm j-just nervous is all!" Mikuru shot back defiantly

Sohryu merely snorted and walked away, "Just don't get in my way" she warned, earning a glare from Haruhi.

The sync test was anything but dull, as Haruhi was gripping the controls excitedly and talking to me a mile a minute.

"Suzumiya, stop being so antsy and focus!" doctor Akagi barked, I could almost hear her pinching the bridge of her nose, "And Asahina, why is your heart rate skyrocketing? Are you feeling alright?" she asked with concern in her voice,

"Y-yes, I'm okay, I-i'm just nervous!"

Doctor Akagi seemed to have a soft spot for Mikuru, probably because she wasn't hyper active or narccicistic like Haruhi and Sohryu.

"It's okay, there won't be any fighting today, so just relax"

As a scientist, she should no better than to say that, I wouldn't be surprised if there was an angel attack just because she said that.

"O-okay, I'll try" Mikuru replied, trying not to cause any problems.

"That's all I ask for" doctor Akagi said cheerfully.

Later both girls managed to settle down and the sync test went by in no time.

An hour later doctor Akagi informed us that the test was over and gave us our results,

I scored a lowly sixty five while Haruhi's was a seventy eight, and Sohryu still held onto her record eighty five that she had been holding for a few weeks now. Mikuru's score however, blew us all away.

I heard doctor Akagi's voice over the comlink,

"Asahina, I'm seriously impressed! Your score is over ninety! That's the highest anyones ever got in a sync test so far! Good job!"

everything was silent for a moment, until Sohryu let out an earpiercing shriek of rage,

"WHAT?"

_**(A/N:**_

_**I think that may have been my longest chapter so far, I have to say I'm pretty proud of myself for that. I'm sorry if that romantic bit felt forced and wierd, I don't think I'm very good with romance, but that's where the story wanted to go, so that's where I took it. I think Haruhi's a bit out of character, and Kyon too. But I did say histories have been changed slightly, so I guess that's okay, as for Kyon, well, I don't really know, I guess he's finally used to the Eva universe now, so he knows how to roll with the punches, most of them anyway. I think I've written him to be a lot more perceptive than he is in cannon, but after all he's gone through, I think the tactical part of his mind has grown quite a bit, so has his potty mouth. But please tell me, do you guys still think their in character? I know Rei and Gendo have had a few out of character moments in this fic, blame Shinji, he did it for shits and giggles. **_

_**Next chapter is leading up Haruhi and Mikuru's debut battle, sounds exciting doesn't it? And I've finally found a use for that Ku-go device, I'm proud of myself. I have also brainstormed a few original angels for later in this fic, and I think their going to be pretty interesting, so you should look forward to that.**_

_**Any thoughts on the new Evas? I brainstormed for a while on what they should look like, I figured Haruhi's should be more of a brawler, since she has an in your face personality, it just made sense to me like that. Mikuru's eva is so her, I think. She does tend to do things from behind the scenes in cannon that most the other character's never see, with the exception of Kyon, so to me, a light and fast eva meant for long range made perfect sense to me as well. As for the colors, well isn't it obvious?**_

_**And just so I'm clear on this, I do not promote smoking in any way shape or form, as a guy who's been trying to quit for nearly a year now, it really is as hard to quit as they say. My advice to you: never ever pick up a ciggarete, don't even start, it makes you short of breath, and it's difficult to get warm, I think that's because it kills oxygen carrying blood cells or something like that, among other things, not to mention it's the leading cause of cancer.**_

_**And I wasn't promoting electronic ciggarettes either, I just thought I'd use that to give more insight to Haruhi's dad, who has yet to make an appearance. I also thought it seemed like something Haruhi would do, although I can see her smoking for real too, since she is kind of a bad girl)**_


	18. Chapter 18

_**Chapter Eighteen:**_

_**Baby Steps**_

"_Normal humans can't just fire laser beams from their eyes, are you a moron?"_

_-Kyon_

Sohryu stomped off after the sync test, scaring Mikuru with a glare as she went. She was beyond pissy about Mikuru of all people breaking her sync record, on her first try of all things. I still didn't a believe it myself. The doctor called for the girls to stay in their Evas, they were going to begin training soon.

After a shower and a change of clothes, I was invited to the test chamber to watch as Doctor Akagi instructed the girls on how to pilot the Evas. I found myself standing in a large room filled with computers and various technicians, including the three from the bridge I was familiar with, Miss Ibuki and Mister Makoto were back as well. There was a large and very thick window in the front of the room, where I could see Both the girl's Evas standing in an enormous bare room made completely out of white tiles. This is where they trained me a few times outside the battle simulator, so I had a pretty good idea what the girls would be doing.

Doctor Akagi picked up a microphone and spoke into it, causing her voice to boom into the test chamber,

"Okay girls, I just want you to do a few basic excercises, Suzumiya, try walking"

I heard Haruhi's voice reply back through the speakers in the ceiling, "Okay, this will be easy!"

The yellow Eva took a ponderous step forward, then another, and then... she fell over.

"Hey what gives? This was easier in Kyon's Eva!"

Miss Ibuki chuckled as Doctor Akagi replied, "That's because Kyon was helping you, you're on your own here, Suzumiya"

Haruhi made a groaning noise as doctor Akagi spoke again, "Asahina, your turn, just focus on walking"

"Okay, I'll try!" Mikuru's voice rang out, eager to please.

The pink Eva took a cautionary step forward, then a few more, barely stumbling at all, she walked to the other side of the room and asked, "Is this good?"

"Yes, excellent Asahina, you're a natural!" Doctor Akagi praised.

"How can you be better than me, Miku-chan?" Haruhi complained.

"I'm sorry, it just comes naturally for me!" Mikuru replied proudly.

"Alright Suzumiya, try again"

Haruhi tried again, and I could tell she was putting a lot of effort just to keep the Eva upright, She managed a few more steps than last time, but fell over again.

Doctor Akagi leaned back in her chair, thinking for a moment then leaned forward as Haruhi's Eva shakily picked itself up.

"Okay, new plan," Doctor Akagi said with an amused grin, "Asahina, I want you to get behind unit five and hold it's arms down"

"Like this?" Mikuru asked, looking as if she was about to perform some elaborate wrestling move on unit five.

"Yes, just like that, now hold her tight. Suzumiya, I want you to break out of her grip, that is all"

"What? This is retarded! I can barely walk and you expect me to learn how to wrestle?"

Doctor Akagi ignored her and watched the Evas, still wearing an amused grin, the only thing that was missing was a bowl of popcorn on her lap.

"What exactly are you trying to acomplish?" I asked, feeling a little angry that Akagi was enjoying Haruhi's frustration.

She let out a chuckle, "Imprinting, Kyon-kun"

"Imprinting?"

"Yes, like throwing a child into a lake to teach them how to swim, if Suzumiya can figure out how to get out of Asahina's grip, everything else should be easy for her"

"Oh" I said plainly, then after a moment of silence added, "You're enjoying this too much"

"Doctor Akagi always was a sadistic bitch" A male voice called out jokingly from behind.

I turned around to see the man in the pictures at Haruhi's apartment, he was a tall man with short brown hair and glasses, he wore a lab coat, a good natured smile had a bad case of five o clock shadow. He apeared to be in his late forties with the telltale signs of age creeping up on him, but his eyes seemed to sparkle with the energy of youth, much like Haruhi's.

"Ah, Suzumiya, come to see how your girls are doing?" Doctor Akagi said with a sly grin,

"Yes I have, and I'd have more time to do so if you weren't such a slave driver"

Doctor Akagi chuckled and said, "Well, if you weren't so slow, maybe work wouldn't pile up so much"

Mister Suzumiya snorted and looked out the window, "Hey you know me, I like to double check the math, slow and steady wins the race, after all"

"Very true, in a subjective manner" Akagi replied tauntingly

"So is your IQ" Mister Suzumiya said, causing both of them to laugh at some inside joke.

He turned around to look at me, "Ah, you must be Kyon Ikari, the girls have told me so much about you" He said with a smile.

"They talk about me, huh?" I said with an embarassed smile,

"Are you kidding? They never shutup!" he offered his hand,

"Keishiro Suzumiya, I'm a bio engineer of project E, pleased to meet you"

I shook his hand, "Likewise" I said, I like this guy already.

"I hope Haruhi hasn't been giving you too much trouble, I've heard about the plug incident last year"

I chuckled nervously, "Oh that, it's fine, Haruhi is Haruhi after all"

"So very true, exuse me" he turned to doctor Akagi and gestured to the microphone, "May I?"

"Knock yourself out" she replied, handing it to him.

Haruhi's Eva was on the ground now, being pinned down by Mikuru's eva.

"Poor girl, her condition only makes piloting harder, what was the commander thinking, putting Haru-chan in an Eva?" He said darkly, still holding the microphone but not pressing the button.

"Condition?" I asked curiously.

He turned back to me and smiled, "Oh it's nothing too bad, just attention deficit disorder"

"I knew it!" I blurted out,

"You're just as perceptive as they say," He complimented, "But yes, there's no doubt in my mind that she's got it, I've never had time to take her to a doctor, but I've read the medical journals, she has all the signs"

"Dammit Mikuru, let go!" Haruhi yelled, frustrated

"No!"

With a sigh, Mister Suzumiya pressed down on the button and said, "Don't swear, Haru-chan"

"Dad?" Both girls cried out in unison. Mikuru calls him dad too, apparently, to his face anyway.

"Yes girls, I'm here. Haru-chan, you need to focus more"

"But it's hard~!" Haruhi whined.

"I know sweet heart, but if you try hard enough, you can break out of Miku-chan's grip easily"

"I'm trying!"

"All you have to do is roll her over your shoulder, it's easy, I promise!"

"Okay!" she said eagerly trying to impress her dad

"Keep up the good work girls, you both make me very proud"

He handed the microphone back to Akagi and said, "So, have they given you much trouble, you old hag?"

Doctor Akagi ignored his remark and continued smiling, "Not too much, if we could just get Suzumiya to sit still for five minutes we wouldn't have so many problems, she's got the energy, after all. As for Asahina, I have less problems, She shows a lot of promise, but she's just so timid"

Mister Suzumiya let out a snort, "That's my girls, alright!"

He looked out the window and sighed, "I can't help but worry about them," He turned to me, "But I'm glad we've got you around, Kyon, Haruhi listens to you for some reason"

"I still haven't figured that out, myself" I said quietly

He smiled again and said, "Listen, I usually have a no boyfriends rule, but Haruhi seems to be very taken with you, just keep her safe, alright? Both my girls, I mean."

"Of course," I said smiling, "keeping everyone alive is my top priority"

"Even Sohryu?" He said, laughing to himself,

"Yeah, even her, I take it you heard about what she did to Mikuru?" I asked curiously

"Yeah, kudos on how you took revenge on her by the way, I laughed my ass off when I read the battle report about that skirmish on the coast"

"She had it coming" I replied, feeling a little guilty, I don't really care for Sohryu, but I guess it wasn't right to let her get thrashed either... even if she did have it coming.

He looked at his watch, "Well I'd better get going, I've got a mountain of paperwork, see you around"

He then left quickly, leaving me to wonder just what a bio engineer does to keep himself so busy.

There was a loud thud minutes later as Haruhi finally managed to get Mikuru off of her,

"I did it! Did you see me dad? ...dad?"

Akagi picked up the microphone, "I'm sorry Suzumiya, he had to go, but you did good, think you can handle some different excercises now?"

there was a sigh over the speaker, "...Yeah I guess so"

The girl's took a quick break as the technicians analyzed everything they had recorded, then around five minutes later, Doctor Akagi started explaining to the girls what an AT field was and how to use it.

"Alright, for this excercise I want you two to learn how to raise you're AT fields, a lot of it's instinctive, so it shouldn't be too hard, are you girl's ready?"

"Yes mam!"

"Alright..."

I could tell Haruhi was pretty disapointed that her dad couldn't stay and watch, I was feeling really bad for her.

"Okay Asahina, I want you to punch Suzumiya as hard as you can"

"Now just hold it right there! Why are you torturing Haruhi like that?" I yelled

"Relax Kyon-kun it's just a basic imprinting excercise"

That still doesn't make it okay...

"D-did you say punch her? I can't do that!"

Akagi smiled and said, "It's alright, if you can help teach Suzumiya how to use her AT field, you won't have to worry about her getting hurt in a real battle"

"Well... since you put it that way..."

Haruhi's Eva braced itself in a defensive position as Mikuru's launched a pathetic punch at her, barely making the yellow Eva move, "Did it work?" Mikuru asked

"You'll know when it works, try again, and don't be so reluctant"

"Okay..."

"Yeah, come on Miku-chan, you hit like a girl!"

"I am a girl!"

"Just pretend I'm Sohryu!" That seemed to do the trick,

With a frustrated grunt, Mikuru hit unit five harder, almost knocking it off balance,

"Ow!"

"It didn't work did it?"

"I'm afraid not. Suzumiya, remember what I said before, imagine a shield around you"

"I'm trying, it's not working!"

"It takes some getting used to, keep trying. Asahina, hit her again"

"Ow!"

"Again"

"Ow!"

"Again"

there was a boom as everyone was knocked back, I landed flat on my ass. While the techs were scrambling around checking their computers for damage, I looked up to see the glass had small fractures, whatever just happened, that glass must be really strong to stay intact like that.

"Mikuru! Are you okay, I'm sorry!" Haruhi cried out worriedly. I got up and stumbled to the window in time to see Haruhi helping Mikuru up

Doctor Akagi climbed off the floor and gripped the table, holding her head,

"What the hell, was that an EMP blast?" She yelled in surprise

"No sempai, it was unit five's AT field, have a look!" Miss Ibuki replied, pointing to her screen.

Doctor Akagi rushed over and looked at the readings on Miss Ibuki's computer, "That's never happened before! How could Suzumiya's will be so strong?" Akagi asked herself.

Haruhi's will huh? I don't envy any angel on the recieving end of that, I just hope Mikuru's alright...

Doctor Akagi rushed over and grabbed the microphone, "Asahina, are you okay? You were just hit with enough force to crush a semi truck! How are you feeling?"

My heart leapt into my throat as we waited in silence for a moment, then she coughed a little, "Ugh... I'm okay, I feel a little dizzy..."

I let out a relieved sigh and bowed my head, wondering if Shinji did something to keep her safe.

"Okay, let's stop the training for today-"

She was cut off as Mikuru screamed "Haruhi look out!"

A huge metal tile fell out of the ceiling and was hurtling towards Haruhi's Eva, before I had time to cry out, there was a flash of blue light and the metal tile disintegrated.

I stood there shaking with worry, did... did I just see... what I thought I saw?

"Did a laser beam just come out of unit six's eye?" Mister Aoba asked incrediously.

The Mikuru beam is back!

"Confirmed, that was a blast of concentrated light!" Mister Makoto replied

"This shouldn't even be possible, not out of organic tissue at least!" Doctor Akagi cried in frustration.

Training for the girls was put on hiatus until the next day, so Haruhi and Mikuru would have time to get over the shock of what had just happened. I met the girls outside of the locker room after they had a shower and changed. Mikuru was limping slightly as Haruhi helped her walk,

"I am so, so sorry, Miku-chan!" Haruhi apologized fervently as they continued walking.

"It's okay, really! You didn't know that would happen"

I ran over and wrapped them both in a hug, "I'm so glad you're both okay!" I cried out, squeezing them tightly,

"You're hurting me Kyon-kun!" Mikuru yelped

"Sorry!" I said, breaking off the hug instantly.

"You know what happened already?" Haruhi asked in shock,

"I was watching the whole time" I replied happily.

"So... you met my dad then?" She asked curiously,

"Yeah, he's a pretty nice guy, worries a lot though."

"That's my dad!" Haruhi replied proudly.

On impulse, I pulled her over and kissed her deeply, much to the embarassement of Mikuru.

"Well that was random!" Haruhi said, breaking off the kiss.

"I'm just really happy you're okay"

Haruhi smiled brightly, "I'm starving, let's get something to eat!"  
>I'd expect nothing less from Haruhi, she can shake off anything and keep moving ahead, I love that about her.<p>

That day we went out to eat at a local noodle shop, and I was content to listen to both girls chat like crazy as we ate. I sat next to Haruhi in a booth while Mikuru sat across from us.

"I can't believe your doing so well Miku-chan! I'm proud so proud of you!" Haruhi declared before gobbling down an enourmous pile of noodles.

"Oh heheh... thank you! I'm surprised too" Mikuru replied adorably, picking at her food.

"You alright, Mikuru?" I asked with concern.

"Yeah... I'm just not very hungry, I'm sorry!" She apologized sheepishly

"It's alright, you must still be in shock" I reasured her.

"Yeah... it was pretty scary what happened today... I'm just glad everyone's okay!"

I decided to spend the night with Haruhi again that night, oddly enough it was Mikuru who asked me to stay this time, Haruhi told me she felt really safe when I was around, so I didn't argue, I didn't really mind staying over at this point anyway.

Over the next few days, Doctor Akagi spent her time drilling the girls with more conventional excercises outside in the geo front, for fear of another accident. Neither the Mikuru beam or Haruhi's AT blast made another appearance, and other than Haruhi losing her balance a few times, training sessions were accident free. I had to admire Haruhi's determination though, she was trying really hard. It's strange that the girl who's amazing at everything she tries has so much trouble focusing, and the girl who's so timid took to piloting a walking death machine so easily, but I've learned to expect these kind of things in bizzaro world.

A week went by with spectacular improvement on both Haruhi's and Mikuru's part, much to the distaste of Sohryu, who continued to ignore me at home. Shinji popped in a few times to make idle conversation and Rei made a complete recovery, all in all, it was a pretty good week. Ryoko still hadn't recovered yet, though, which worried me, but Shinji told me that everything should be fine, so I tried not to think about it. Nothing else worth mentioning happened until the middle of next week during lunch time.

It was a barably warm day so we sat at the usual picnic table, enjoying a cool breeze.

I feel bad for it, but I've been feeling uncomfortable around Rei lately, but who wouldn't if they had seen what I'd seen? I didn't let it bother me too much though, she was still my friend after all.

I sat next to Haruhi like I had been everyday since we started dating, and sat across from Rei and Mikuru, they seemed to be getting along as well lately. Mikuru always seemed nervous around Rei, but recently she had engaged in more conversations with her, it was nice to see those two opening up more.

"I can't wait to fight the next angel, it'll be super special awesome!" Haruhi declared, already finished with her bento and holding my hand on the table,

"Just don't do anything stupid, I told your dad I'd keep you two safe" I remarked, I didn't like her eagerness to prove herself in battle, I knew she was capable, but I couldn't bare the thought of her getting hurt.

"Oh I'll be safe, those angel's won't even know what hit em'!" She declared, and it will probably be up to me to make sure they won't know what hit them. Although things had been looking up lately, I still didn't like the situation one bit, who knows what will happen next?

"Uh... hiyas guys, do you minds if I sit with you?" Tsuruya asked, aproaching us with her head bowed, she looked deppressed .

"Sure, what's wrong?" Haruhi asked with concern.

Mikuru scooted over to let her sit down,

"Stupid Sohryu stole my friends..." She pouted sadly.

How does that girl manage to make so many friends with that fake personality?

"You can sit with us anytime you like, Miss Tsuruya!" Mikuru reasured her happily.

"Thankies!" she replied, flipping to a cheerful demeanor.

Tsuruya looked to Haruhi and smiled excitedly,

"So I heards you two were pilots now, That's super special awesomes!"

"I know right?" Haruhi agreed excitedly.

"What is super special awesome?" Rei asked curiously

Before Haruhi could answer that, all our cell phones started ringing

_**(A/N: So there you have it, Mikuru is a better Eva pilot than Haruhi. It just made sense to me since Haruhi is so wild and unpredictable, and although it's never confirmed in cannon, I firmly believe that girl has ADD. And I have ADD too, pretty badly actually. **_

_**A little about the new Evas and their abilities, Haruhi did it subconciously. That's a great excuse, it's like saying 'uhh... a wizard did it' I don't think the Mikuru beam really needs any explaining, since a wizard did indeed do it, I saw him do it too, seriously. No, but I liked the Mikuru beam, so I added it. As for Haruhi's AT blast... as I understand it, AT fields are controlled by the pilots will, I could be wrong, but that's how I'm running this story, and who has the greatest force of will in perhaps any anime ever? Haruhi Suzumiya of course, so I figured, why not incorporate her fiery determination into her absolute territory? It's a defining feature that makes Haruhi well, Haruhi, and absolute territory is what makes you, you, so it makes sense to me.**_

_**So im curious, what did you think of my OC, Keishiro Suzumiya? Does he make a believable father for Haruhi in your opinion? I always imagined Haruhi's parents would worry about her a lot, she's kind of out of control in my opinion.**_

_**Super special awesome is a common phrase used in Yugioh The Abridged Series(by littlekuribo, or however it's spelled, I don't own it), I like that phrase a lot, so I added it.**_


	19. Chapter 19

_(A/N you will be surprised, hell, I was surprised when I wrote it. that is all)_

_**Chapter Nineteen**_

_**Mikuru Strikes!**_

"_Whenever it suited her, she would disregard the Laws of Relativity completely and throw them out the window."_

_-Kyon_

I sat in the plug, waiting to be launched, I was feeling pretty nervous, not only did I now have the responsibility to keep Haruhi and Mikuru safe, but I had no idea what this next angel would be like, would it be a hopeless situation? Most of the battles so far felt pretty hopeless...

"Alright Kyon-kun are you ready to launch?" Misato asked on the video link,

"Not yet, can you tell me a little bit about this angel before you send us up?" I asked anxiously.

Doctor Akagi appeared in the video link, "This one is different than any we've fought before, it has three cores,"

Three cores? That's ridiculous!

"From what we can tell those are the only physical manifestation other than some kind of blue fluid, it's using those three cores to power a unique AT field that holds it's humanoid shape, if you can get through the field, defeating it should be a piece of cake"

If I can get through the AT field, being the key phrase.

Misato spoke again, "The JSSDF are already engaging it, are you ready now?"

"Yeah, let's do this"

"This will be so easy!" Haruhi and Sohryu called out together,

"What was that?" they both said,

"Knock it off!" they shouted at each other.

I sighed as the Evas were transported to the launch tubes, and braced myself as Haruhi and Sohryu argued, I'm still not used to being launched like this... I hope Mikuru doesn't have a heart attack.

Haruhi, Mikuru, Rei, Sohryu and myself were launched simultaneously, Mikuru predictably screamed her head off.

When we arrived to the surface, I was met with the sight of an enormous dust cloud as VTOLs and an AC-130 were firing at something in the middle of the city, I couldn't tell what it was they were firing at, but obviously it was the angel,

"Alright, everyone take cover!" I said as I got behind a building. I looked around to see Mikuru and Rei's Evas taking cover near me. I poked my head out of cover to see a group of Mitsubishi F-2's fly over head and unload a swarm of tomohawk missiles into the cloud, but I still couldn't what they were trying to obliterate. I could feel the booms from the AC-130 blasting over head, all the windows in the nearby buildings had been shattered. Could an angel really stand up against all this fire power? I saw a glowing blue arm swing out of the cloud and smash a group of VTOL's into a building. There was something disturbingly familiar about that arm...

The VTOLs were backing up, trying not to suffer the same fate as their comrades, the dust cloud started letting up and I could see a vague humanoid shape being battered by the AC-130.

"Alright as soon as the dust cloud lets up we'll all pop out of cover and start firing! Don't engage until I tell you too! Sohryu, Haruhi, I mean it, don't do anything stupid!"

There was a disgusted "ugh" from Sohryu and a "I'm not going to do anything, I'm not stupid!" from Haruhi

I gripped the pallet rifle in my hands tightly, impatient for battle, Rei and Mikuru were armed with pallet rifles as well, while Sohryu had a missile launcher and Haruhi had the chaingun.

The dust finally settled to reveal a... No! No that can't be! That's impossible!

But it was there, I was looking at what was undeniably a Shinjin, it looked exactly the same as I remembered them, except the three red orbs in it's face were brighter and more pronounced.

Seemingly iratated, it shot out it's arms, stretching them and knocking out several more VTOL fighters, who were trying to retreat, and the AC-130 stopped firing in what I guessed was an effort to stop the dust cloud.

"Open fire, now!"

In unison we hit it with our assorted weapons, only causing it to stumble backwards a little with each blast of Sohryu's missile launcher, which only seemed to piss it off. Stabilizing itself from Sohryu's blasts, it pulled back it's arm like a slingshot and launched it several feet into the building Sohryu was using for cover, luckily she got out of the way just in time and SWAT turned to the building next to her. Haruhi walked out of cover and fired a steady stream of bullets as she strafed across the street, just behind the Shinjin,

After I specifically told her not to do something stupid, ugh, that's Haruhi for you.

"Haruhi look out!" I screamed as the Shinjin spun around and sent a flying punch into Haruhi's eva, putting a nasty dent into her chain gun in the process. It sent her flying back, but strangely enough didn't knock her over. She was still standing, hunched over, her feet had made twin trails in the asphalt for about a quarter of a mile. That thing can punch straight through a building, so why is Haruhi still standing? Quickly She stood up straight, dropped the now useless chaingun and ran behind a building. She was then ignored by the Shinjin as the AC-130 renewed it's aussalt with even bigger rounds, causing the it to stumble backwards and crash through a building. The Shinjin launched it's arm up and knocked the plane out of the sky.

Is there no limit to this thing's range?

The rest of us continued firing as it knocked our cover away one by one. How are we going to defeat this thing? I ran out of ammo and drew my knife, "Cease fire!" I ordered, "Haruhi, get behind it and hold it's arms down, I'm gonna stab it!" Haruhi's yellow eva ran up behind it and did as I ordered, The Shinjin struggled in her grip. As I was about to strike for one of it's facial cores, it kicked me, sending me flying into a building,

"Kyon!" Haruhi screamed as the Shinjin rotated it's shoulders impossibly and flipped Haruhi upside down into the ground in front of it,

I tried to run as fast as I could to save her, but the Shinjin began pounding her eva with it's fists, the others began to open fire again as it clutched it's hands together and sent them flying down,

"No!" Haruhi screamed hysterically just before the fists made impact, but something happend. I saw the air warp around Haruhi's Eva for a split second, and then there was an enourmous booming sound as the Shinjin was launched far into the air, and came crashing to the ground three blocks away, leaving an imprint where it lay. Some of the buildings around her were caught in the blast and had huge chunks missing. I ran over and helped her Eva up,

"Haruhi, can you hear me? Are you alright?"

"...Yeah, I'm fine" As she slowly got off the ground, the Shinjin melted into a puddle and then reformed itself into a standing position, it put it's hand up and lifted up it's index finger, shifting it from side to side as if to say 'ah, ah, ah!' I grabbed Haruhi's Eva and threw us both out of the way as it slammed it's hands on the ground and launched itself into a flying kick, missing us by inches and crashing into another building. Sohryu finally ran out of missiles and the Shinjin didn't seem bothered by the shots from Mikuru and Rei's pallet rifles.

It picked itself out of the building and threw chunks of what was once a skyscraper at Sohryu, who dodged quickly.

Haruhi and I were ducked between two buildings, watching the scene unfold,

"Kyon, I never realized how brutal being an Eva pilot was!" She said worriedly.

"Don't worry, we'll beat this thing," I reasured her, I then opened a video link to NERV, "Misato, there's got to be something else we can use against this thing!"

Misato looked at me sadly, "I'm afraid not Kyon-kun, this may be it" she lamented.

"You can't give up hope just yet! There's got to be something that can hurt this thing!"

Someone else opened a video link to me, wait, Haruhi's dad?

"There is one thing," He said with a determined expression, "The Ku-Go device"

"What about a death ray? What are you talking about, Suzumiya?" Misato asked

Doctor Akagi appeared in Misato's videolink, "The Ku-Go? That thing's a failure, the Japanese government might as well have given it to us as a gag gift!"

"I'm sorry, but what are you two talking about?" Misato asked

Doctor Akagi began to explain, "The Ku-Go was a secret weapon that was under development during World War Two, it used microwaves to cook soldiers alive, but it was only tested on rabbits, we don't even know if it would effect a human, much less an angel!"

"I've done the math several times, theoretically the microwaves could temporarily disrupt an AT field with a steady stream of concentrated fire, I know it might not work at all, but it's the only chance we've got right now!"

"There's just no way it could work!" Doctor Akagi tried to argue

The commander opened up a video link as well, sitting at his station with his fingers locked in front of his face, "Doctors, our top priority is to defeat the angels, if we must take a risk in questionable technology, then so be it. Prepare the Ku-Go for launch ASAP, do not test my patience" he then closed his link

Misato turned to me, "Alright Kyon, I want you to distract the angel while we get it prepared"

"Got it," I said, closing the link and opening a new one to the military, "We need to distract the angel, can you hit it with a few predator missiles?" I asked General Yubari, "Absolutely! Good luck, Kyon" He then closed the link, I opened another link to all the pilots, "Everyone keep your distance, the JSSDF is going to distract it with predator missiles while our solution arrives!"

There was a collective, "G-got it!" "alright" "Yes sir"

"Haruhi, you're being awful quiet, are you okay?" I asked

"Yeah, I just didn't expect to hear my dad like that, he sounded so worried..."

The Shinjin was chasing Rei, who was ducking in and out of cover as she tried to distance herself from it. The Shinjin was trying to smash her Eva with it's fists, sending bits of building flying all across Tokyo three, which was starting to look like a wasteland at this point,

"He's got no reason to worry, Haruhi, because I'll protect all of you"

"I love you Kyon!" Haruhi said, surprising me in the heat of battle, I've never heard her voice sound so scared before... that was unlike Haruhi at all, I don't think I've ever seen her scared before, period.

I smiled, "I love you too, Haruhi, we're going to make it out of this, all of us" I reasured her.

There was a screech as a predator missile came flying down, exploding on contact with the Shinjin, smashing it into the ground and giving Rei time to get put a good distance between them. Frustrated, the Shinjin reformed and started chasing Sohryu, who had drawn her pistol and started firing shots that uselessly bounced off it's head. Mikuru rolled out of cover from behind it and starting blasting at it with her pallet rifle, but it either jammed or ran out of ammo. The Shinjin turned around and stared at her for a moment,

"Uh-oh..." Mikuru squealed frightenedly

"Mikuru!" I roared, charging between them and launching myself into the air to block the Shinjin's fist that had been launching towards her. There was a split second where I braced myself for impact, but that impact never came, Haruhi had jumped in front of me and used her AT blast to deflect the Shinjin's fist, launching it back towards it's face. Quickly, the Shinjin split it's head in two, but the momentum of the fist sent it somersaulting backwards and crashing into another skyscraper.

I really hope all the people who use these buildings have gone to a shelter...

Another predator missile came shrieking down, completely obliterating what was left of the skyscraper. The Shinjin merely reformed itself, unfazed and started walking towards us.

"The death ray has just been launched, Asahina, you go get it, you're the closest!" Misato ordered.

"M-me? Alright!" in an impressive display of speed, the pink Eva ran off, possibly even breaking the sound barrier.

"You alright Haruhi?" I asked

"Yeah"

"Alright then, we just need to distract the it a little longer"

Haruhi and I stood side by side, hunched over and prepared to dodge any punches the Shinjin threw at us, what we were not expecting however, was for the Shinjin to completely lose interest in us and go after Sohryu again, who had found another pallet rifle and began blasting it from the side,

"Die you son of a bitch!" She screamed as she completely unloaded everything in the gun on it.

The Shinjin turned around and stretched it's arms around two buildings, using its entire body as a slingshot to send it hurtling into unit two.

"Mein Gott! Get of me!" Sohryu screamed, punching it in the face as it straddled her Evas lap, her efforts were completely ignored as the Shinjin began pounding it's fist into unit two's chest.

Sohryu tried to grab it's hands, but they only melted through her grip and continued their onslaught.

Sohryu was making a gagging noise as she opened a video link to me, I could see blood drifting out of her mouth and dispersing into the LCL,

"Don't just stand there, do something! I'm sorry I've been such a bitch, please don't let me die, Kyon! I'm sorry, okay?"

If I had enough time to react, I would have tried to save her, but everything happened in an instant.

I heard the sound of thundering footsteps as a pink blur ran to the scene, almost flying. It held a strange looking device in it's hands; imagine an enormous metal cylinder in the shape of a gun, put a trigger and handle on the side of it, then cover it in solar panels and put a large handle on top of it like a chain gun, and finally picture a huge satelite dish at the end, that was the reingeneered Ku-Go device.

"Y-you leave Miss Sohryu alone, you big bully!" Mikuru screamed as she pulled the trigger... and nothing happened.

"Miku-chan, theres a dial on the side to adjust the frequency, turn it up halfway then pull the trigger!" Mister Suzumiya's voice called out over the com, Mikuru shakingly fumbled with the dial for a split second and then pointed it at the Shinjin, who was still beating the ever living shit out of Sohryu.

She pulled the trigger and suddenly the air around the dish began to warp like heat rising off a road during a really hot day. There was a steady hum as the microwaves washed over the Shinjin, it ignored it at first until large holes started to form in it's psuedo skin, causing the blue goo to bleed out of it. The Shinjin stopped immedietley and let out an earpiercing shriek, not unlike the diamond. It sprung up charging and launched a fist at Mikuru, only to have it completley melt, flooding the streets with the blue blood like substance that was gushing out of the stump in it's elbow. The shinjin stumbled and fell on it's ass, falling near unit two and trying to crawl away backwards, but Unit six slowly followed it, continuing to stream microwaves into the monster. The Shinjin was backed into a building that was still intact, it raised it's hand in one last act of defiance, only to have it melted away, squirting more blood. Finally, it's head inflated and ripped apart in two halves, releasing a horrible death shriek so loud that I wouldn't be surprised if every window in Tokyo three exploded. It completely melted into a pile of blue goop, leaving only the three cores, which took up a life of their own and tried to roll away, they were crunched under the heavy foot of unit zero who calmly walked over to where they were heading and stomped on all three at once. There was no cross shaped explosion, or any kind of explosion at all for that matter.

Unit six dropped the gun with an enormous thud and ran over to unit two,

"Miss Sohryu!" Mikuru flipped the badly damaged red Eva over and pulled out her prog knife, trying to open the Evangelion in an almost mirrored action of what happened between Rei and myself when the diamond attacked. she finally managed to pull the armor back and grabbed the plug, setting it gently on the ground.

Haruhi and I got out of our Evas and were running through the ruins of Tokyo Three, we stopped when we got to Mikuru, who had just pulled Sorhyu out of her plug and dragged her out onto the road.

She held Sohryu up in a sitting position,

"Please don't die Miss Sohryu!" Mikuru was crying over her.

Sohryu wasn't looking very good, she was coughing up a lot of blood.

Haruhi and I got closer to her and leaned down, worried. Sohryu was saying something,

"...You saved me... after all those awful things I said to you... I even punched you.. W-why did you save me?" Sohryu asked, breathing heavily.

"I don't care about that, M-m-miss Sohryu! Your a pilot too! I forgive you, really! Just please don't die!"

Sohryu let out a chuckle as the sound of ambulances were blaring in the distance.

"...I guess I owe you an apology... you're still a crybaby though," Sohryu's eyes closed slowly, and she stopped talking.

"Miss Sohryu! NOOOOO!" Mikuru screamed, and then began sobbing uncontrollably.

Haruhi and I began to tear up, believing Sohryu had just died, I held Haruhi's hand supportively.

I didn't even notice Rei was there, she calmly walked up to Sohryu and placed two fingers on her throat for a few moments.

"She will live" Rei stated blankly, but I could see the traces of worry in her face.

"W-what? R-r-really, Miss Ayanami?" Mikuru asked hopefully.

"Yes, she has passed out from blood loss, if proper medical attention is given to her immedietly, she will recover completely"

as if summoned, the ambulances pulled in around the corner and drove over to us.

After Sohryu was taken away to the hospital, I went back to NERV and took a long shower, trying to wash away more than the stink of LCL away. That was a Shinjin, why was it doing an angel impersonation?

"What. in. The blue_**FUCK**_. WAS THAT?" an angry voice thundered from the shower booth next to mine, I jumped a little and covered myself, and I totally didn't scream like a girl.

"T-that was a Shinjin" I said, looking over to Shinji in the next booth, he was glaring at me, "They uh... kind of... of appear in closed space and wreck stuff to vent Haruhi's frustrations"

"I know that!" he boomed at me, "You better put a tighter leash on Suzumiya!"

"What are you talking about?"

"She sent that thing subconciously to vent her frustrations on Asuka, that's what! Do you know how difficult it is to go through every little fiber of tissue in someone's organs and patch it up to stop the bleeding?"

"... No?"

"I don't care how you do it, but you better make those two get along or this could happen again!"

Shinji then collapsed into his stall and started crying.

I peered over the side to see him with his head buried in his knees, "...Shinji? You alright, buddy?"

He wiped his tears away and calmed down, "Yeah... I was just so scared that I was going to see Asuka die. She's not a bad person Kyon, she just has a lot problems" He stood up and faced me, "I'm really sorry I barged in here and freaked you out, I have to go now" he then melted out of existance,

"Bye..."

That was seriously freaky, I've never seen Shinji like that, not to mention that I was showering!

_**(A/N: I like that battle, it was fun to write, especially since I got a chance to use that death ray idea. It really was a top secret weapons project back in world war two, but the japanese had to cut funding because they were losing the war. I don't know if concentrated microwaves could really disrupt an AT field, but since it's fiction I think it'll be okay. It was a pretty violent battle too, wasn't it? I blame Static-X, I've been listening to them a lot lately, good stuff. **_

_**I didn't really Think Asuka would be injured again, but that's what happened. It may have looked strange for Mikuru to save Asuka, but it just seemed right for Mikuru to freak out over her near death experience, she's super sweet like that. **_

_**As for Shinji's rage episode, I think that's fully justified, as he does care for Asuka a lot in cannon, although she makes his life a living hell, what is that called, stockholm syndrome? And I agree %100 with what I made him say about her, I may call Asuka a psycho-bitch... because she is, but I can understand how deeply troubled she is inside, that doesn't make someone a bad person, does it?**_

_**I apologize again for the sappy romance, I know, I'm terrible at that kind of stuff, and don't be expecting a lemon, I'd be way too embarassed to write something like that.**_

_**I think I'm getting a lot better at writing as I go along, any opinions on that? If you can, tell me what kind of mistakes I've been making, I'd appreciate that. **_

_**Next chapter will be an original angel, don't worry, the cannon angels are still coming, but I think it might be fun to make a few up too.**_


End file.
